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I tie my white shoes firmly, stand up and grab the dusty pink hoodie from on the couch. I slip my arms into the hole and pull it over my head. It drops right to my hips, where my light jeans shorts begin. I release my curls from the neck of the sweater, letting them swing down, below my neck.
“Going somewhere?” Mom’s voice rings in my ears. I turn around to face her. She’s standing at the door with crossed arms, already in her gray pajamas.
“I’m going out for a while. I won’t be gone too long,” I reply. She releases her arms and takes slow steps toward me.
“And where are you going at ten p.m.?” she asks, leaning her head to the side.
“Uh,” I hesitate, connecting my hands at the center of my body, “I’m going to take a short walk. I need some air.” She stares into my eyes, squinting them weakly. I sigh in surrender.“I’m going to see Lorenzo. He has his location on, and he’s not far from here,” I confess.
She comes even closer, placing her hands on the back of my head. Her hands move all my hair forward, now hanging over my shoulders. “And this? Last time you went out it was evening, and this time it’s night. There’s also the point that it’s a Saturday, which makes it even more dangerous,” she mentions. My fingers separate from each other, and I raise my hood over my head, covering most of my hair.
“Problem solved.”
Her lips curl upward, brightening her face. A wave of warmth enters my body, soothing my muscles. “You’re going to solve everything. I know you will,” she assures me. I lower my head before nodding. I really hope we do. I don’t know what I’ll do if he’s angry or upset at me. “Hey, I’m sure everything will be okay. And even if Lorenzo thinks about doing anything to you, he won’t because he knows all it will get him is a bullet through his head,” she says with a smile.
I laugh, raising my head again.
She’s here for me no matter what. I know that. It might be the one thing I’m absolutely sure of. But me being hurt isn’t what I’m afraid of. It’s the possibility of Lorenzo being angry at me. Or being hurt because of me. I want us to be okay. No matter the absence of feelings for him, he means more to me than he thinks. I wouldn’t be able to go on knowing I pushed him away from me.
“Tell me if you’ll be back after midnight,” she tells me with a soft squeeze to my shoulders. “And please don’t scare me to death.”
“I’ll be back soon, don’t worry.” I promise her, before turning around and grabbing my keys from the hanger. The metal sends a soft chill across my skin, but it quickly adapts to my temperature. I swing the door open and run to my car, startingthe engine once I’m seated inside. My fingers wrap around the black, thick steering wheel, easily gripping onto it.
I can do this. Everything will be okay. Lorenzo won’t be mad at me. He wouldn’t, right? He kept his feelings a secret from me for a reason. He knew this might happen. He won’t be mad. He won’t be upset. Maybe if I say it enough times, I’ll fully believe it.
I check my location app and drive to the road I know Lorenzo’s on. The time states it’s currently 10:07 p.m. I have time. I open the car’s door and slip out. My eyes scan the area, looking for anyone. Looking for Lorenzo. The door closes, and I slowly move farther away from the car. A figure then appears, unclear. Store lights shine on the sidewalk, and I push myself forward to see who the person is. But they come closer before I can.
“Val?” A deep voice calls, and his face comes into view.
“Lorenzo,” I call back, my heart picking up speed. My legs speed up and I’m almost running toward him.
“What are you doing here so late?” he asks, his eyes wide. He catches up to me, closing his hands around mine.
“I was looking for you. I wanted to talk to you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ignored you. I’m sorry I stopped talking to you.” I stumble on the words. My throat begins to clog up the minute the words come out.
“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, Val, I promise,” he utters with a low voice, rubbing his thumbs on my hand.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you there. I didn’t know what to do. I was scared that you’d be angry or upset. I didn’t mean to—” I choke on the words, tears forming in my eyes.
“I’m not angry. You don’t need to apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Lorenzo tells me, shaking his head. The tears fall down my cheeks, and everything else around us fades away.
“I tried. I promise, I tried, I thought if I’d waited longer, something would change, but it didn’t. I shouldn’t have leftyou with no answer, but I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to have a different answer. I’m sorry.” My voice breaks with the confession, and it feels like my chest is about to explode. Lorenzo raises his hands and gently places them on the sides of my head, wiping away the stream of tears with his thumbs.
“I would never be angry at you. I don’t care about anything as long as you’re okay. I don’t care about your answer or feelings toward me, I care about you. I was so worried about you.” The last sentence comes out as a whisper. I inhale a shaky breath, trying to relax myself. My muscles are tense, and tears still exit my eyes.
“I would never hurt you, Val. No matter what. Someone could put a gun to my head, and I would never think about hurting you. You are everything to me, feelings or not. You’re my flower,” he says, and my heart thuds in my chest. My limbs get weaker as the view blurs around me.
“You do so much for me, and I can’t do this one thing for you. I can’t, I’m sorry,” I cry, and Lorenzo pulls me into his chest, his arms surrounding me. His fingers drop the hood on my head and stroke the back of my hair softly.
“It’s okay. It’s okay, don’t cry. I don’t need anything from you, fiore mio. I never will. As long as you’re okay,” he whispers. I let out a breath, relaxing my body. His warmth calms me down, and my head rests on his chest. “Don’t apologize. There’s nothing to apologize about. You did nothing wrong. Okay?” His voice sounds in my ears gently, and I nod. It’s okay. He’s still here. He isn’t angry. He isn’t upset. He’s here.
I pull away, looking into his eyes. His face is relaxed, but tension still settles there. He looks up at the top of my head, raising his hands and straightening down my hair. A weak, genuine smile forms on his face. “I’m right here. I’m right behind you, no matter what. You’re stuck with me.”
A giggle manages to fight through my tears, a sniffle coming afterward.
“What would I do without you?” I return the smile, my voice tired and broken. He grabs both my arms again, moving slightly closer.
“I guess you’ll never know,” he replies. No. I hope I never do. As long as he’s here, I know everything will be okay. As long as he never leaves.I’m right behind you, no matter what.
