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“Lies. Did something happen with her? Are you lying because you don’t want to lower my expectations for her.Because you’re scared I’ll get hurt? I’ve been told my friends are horrible many other times,” she guesses.
I close my eyes. No. Now I can’t lie to her, because she’ll think I’m keeping things from her. I don’t want her to think she has another toxic friendship. Violet is a great person; she shouldn’t have to lose her because I can’t decide what’s going on with me.
“No, I’m not lying. Don’t worry, Violet is good. And that’s coming from a person she hates,” I say, and she nods in agreement.
“So, what’s bothering you then?” Aurora continues to interrogate me. I look at her, and I already know she isn’t going to let this go. She’s going to keep asking until she gets a reasonable answer.
“It’s just . . . something else. Nothing about yesterday,” I tell her. I’m not exactly lying, but I’m not really telling the truth either. It does have something to do with yesterday, just not what she’s thinking. She raises her brow now, curious.
“Is it Roland again? Is he bothering you?”
“No, he isn’t. I mean, he is, but he’s always doing that, so it’s not a problem.”
She rolls her eyes at my response. I think everyone agrees they’re annoyed by my father’s actions. I’m not that fond of them, but he is my father. I can’t really do anything about that. Others have it worse than me.
She brings her legs up to the couch and crosses them, turning completely toward me now. “So, what is it?” she repeats. As I said, she won’t let it go. She gets this from my uncle; she cannot let something go until she gets reassurance. I get why Lucas does it, and I guess he passed it on to her.
“Why would I tell you? How do I know you won’t go tell someone else?” It’s my turn to interrogate her, and she gives mea frown in exchange. She runs her hands through her straight hair, moving her bangs back but they swish into her face again.
“I am a loyal cousin. If you tell me not to tell anyone, I won’t. Trust me,” she promises. I press my lips into a thin line, thinking about this.
Even if I were to tell her, none of it makes sense to me yet. I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on, what this feeling is. What would I even tell her? That whenever I’m around a certain person, obviously not mentioning who, I feel things I’ve never felt before. Like I’m afraid but thrilled at the same time. I might as well tell her I’m crazy.
“I’d tell you if I knew,” I end up answering.
“So, you don’t know what’s wrong?” she clarifies, as if she thinks she misheard me.
“Exactly.” I’m crazy, is what I should’ve said. It would’ve made more sense.
She rests her arm on her knee and lets her head drop onto her hand. “Okay, I’m ready for you to explain,” she states. I let out a sigh. Again, she doesn’t let things go. I know I’m putting up a fight that’s worthless, since I’ll end up answering her. There’s no point in hiding it now. Better to let her know.
“I don’t know, there’s this weird feeling. Something I’ve never felt before, and I don’t know how to explain. If I do, you’ll think I’m crazy.” I share.
“I already think you’re crazy, so carry on,” she jokes. Very nice of her. I rub my forehead with my two fingers before looking back at her, readying some kind of answer.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “It’s like a thrill of excitement and fear at the same time. Like my heart is aching, but not in a bad way. A feeling of security and safety, even comfort. But then again, it’s hard to identify as such, because the feeling is tense and pressured, but then it’s also like I’m floating. I don’t know, I’m making no sense.”
Aurora sits up straight again, dropping her arm. Something in her expression changes, but I don’t know what exactly it is. It scares me, if I’m being honest. “Oh my God. Wait, you’re feeling this?” she exclaims.
“Yes, Aurora, I mentioned that at the beginning,” I remind her.
“Shut up, I’m making sure,” she says. I ignore her insult, letting her continue her train of thought. “So, wait, you’re feeling these things regularly or in specific moments?” she asks.
“Both, in a way,” I reply, unsure of my answer. I mean, I feel this anytime I think about yesterday. About Violet.
“Oh my God, I knew it! I knew this would happen; Elaina owes me twenty dollars,” She smiles. Wait, what? Her and Elaina placed a bet on me? I don’t know whether to feel offended or proud. Yet I’m still confused on what she knows.
I look at her, widening my eyes as I await an answer. Her smile only grows, scaring me even more. She scares me in general, I think. It might be the Spanish genes. Are Spanish people scary?
“Elias, you’re in love.”
Chapter 40 – Quarantacinque
Val
On Tuesday, I go to school early, sleep deprived. Yesterday was some kind of day off, and I took it to my advantage to work on some media ideas and production. That continued from that morning until now, which is sunrise. Staying up all night helped me catch up on some things but didn’t quite help me on regaining energy. I planned on sleeping, but I finished what I was working on thirty minutes before my alarm. I could’ve stopped midway, but that just isn’t me. I cannot leave a project or task without hitting a certain mark. I also know school isn’t as important, but I still need to find another winner for the contest. I’ll be fine. I hope.
I buy myself a cup of coffee on the way to school, plain black, because I know that will be the only thing keeping me awake and conscious throughout the day. I then continue to school, letting the wind awaken me more with every breeze. I had no energy this morning and just threw on a pair of black sweatpants anda beige hoodie. Even the wig, which had to go through a whole reviving process after it got soaked in rain, is kind of messy. But I’ll be fine.
