AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Are you sure, it’s very hot,” I ask again, tears filling up my eyes more and more.
“Yes, I’m sure. How are you even hot?” he repeats. My face feels like it’s burning, and my legs feel weaker. Shaking.
“Can you please just go check?” I insist, my voice breaking. There’s silence for a bit. The silence is too loud. Everything is too loud. My lungs squeeze tighter and tighter, my throat closes more and more. My breathing is sharper. Louder. I then hear his steps outside the room, and everything around me tightens. I close my eyes, trying to prevent any tears falling. My hands get sweatier, and they start shaking harder. The glass slips out of my hand, falling onto the counter and sending out a loud crashing sound, making me wince.
Despite my efforts, the tears stream down my face. My whole body is trembling, and my body seems to reject air. No breath. No air. Shaking, sharp breaths attempt to enter my lungs. I let go of the counter and turn around, slowly dropping to the ground. My legs start shaking and I pull them closer to my chest.
Breathe.
I cross my arms over my knees, letting my head rest on them. Breathe. Breathe. It’s okay. My whole body is shaking like crazy.It’s okay, it’s okay, I try convincing myself. Convincing my body to calm down. To breathe. To cool down. But it doesn’t. I need air. I need to breathe.
“Val, the heater is off, like I told you.” Oliver’s voice sounds.
Oh no. No, no, no. Please leave.
But I’m gasping for air, loud enough for him to hear. My eyesight blurs, and the tears start burning in my throat.
“Val?” he calls out. I squeeze my eyes shut, then raise my head as if it might give me more air. As if it’ll calm me down. The tears fall down onto my lap.
More footsteps, closer and louder. My hand moves to my chest, heaving but empty.
“Val?” Oliver asks again, but more concerned. Surprised.
Tears choke me, making me sob through the breaths. Oliver runs to me, and I see the blur of his figure, before closing my eyes and dropping my head again. Everything’s shaking. I’m out of breath. I cry, and gasp, and shake, and sob.
Oliver drops down in front of me, putting his hand on my arm as if confused about what to do. “Hey, calm down. It’s okay,” he says, trying to soothe me.
I don’t move. I don’t talk. I only cry, my head laying on my knees, tears falling onto my lap. I’m deprived of air, but I’m still breathing. It’s like I’m dying but living at the same time. I just want it to stop. I want to breathe, for the tears to dry out. For my body to stop shaking. I want it to stop. Please stop.
Chapter 53 – Trentadue
Val
I stand in front of the mirror, rubbing product over my face. Under my eyes, especially, making sure the tint of black is covered enough. Then, I straighten, looking into the mirror one more time. Nothing. Great. I dust off my clothes: ripped baggy jeans and a pink full sleeve shirt. One more deep breath, and I step out of my room.
I grab my bag in the living room, then walk toward the exit. However, I’m stopped by the call of my name. I freeze, turning around. My mom stands in front of me, staring at me. “You’re not going,” she says.
“Ma, I’m fine,” I tell her, but she just shakes her head repeatedly.
“Vi, you’re staying home today,” she repeats. I pull the bag over my shoulder, holding her gaze with mine. My heart is still tight. It’s still being squeezed in my chest, between my lungs.
She’s worried, I know that. “I am fine. I need to go out, Mom. If I stay home, nothing’s going to change,” I tell her.
She approaches me, trying to take the bag of my shoulder. I hold on to it. “Vi, I said no. We’ll go out, we’ll do something, but no school. No work. No stressing yourself out. You’re on a stress ban until I say otherwise,” she orders, concern expressed in her voice. I look at her, trying to stop her.
But she doesn’t.
I see the pleading in her eyes. She doesn’t want me to go. But going is better than staying. At least then I’m occupied. Distracted.
“I won’t stress myself out,” I promise her. “I’m just going for a while, to do something. Please.” I ask for her permission. Because I know if I don’t have it, nothing in heaven or hell will give me the ability to go.
Her brows furrow, narrowing her eyes. The grip she has on my bag’s strap slips away, dropping to her side. “Rest. Relax. Please,” she begs. I nod my head, unease stuck in my chest. In my stomach.
She takes a step back, letting me continue. I put my shoes on, smooth the brown wig, then head out the door. The wind decides to accompany me on my way to the school, sending cold chills through my body. It’s not cold today. How ironic.
My eyes are tired. I know I should’ve stayed at home to rest. I know I should’ve listened to my mom. But I know myself, too. If I stay at home, I’ll only feel worse. Without a distraction, it’s all I have to think about. Stress. Guilt. Unease. One of them will overpower my thoughts. At school, I don’t have time to worry.
I arrive to the doors, looking at the time. Ten minutes until class starts. I don’t want to talk to anyone. No matter how much products or creams I put on, I know I look dead. My eyes are dead. My face is dead. I’m dead.
