Page 31 of Mistaken Desire


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I click the link, and my heart feels like it suddenly stops beating. One of the three files reads Greg Standley. My uncle’s file. Here it is. The information I’ve been waiting for has now been handed to me. This is the entire reason that I started working for Jake’s company.

Why is Jake trusting me with this now?

After all that has happened, why did he now choose to grant me access to confidential information? Sometimes, I don’t understand how his mind works. Deep inside, I’d almost hoped I’d never get this opportunity. That I’d never be forced to make a decision.

Up until now, I haven’t done anything wrong. I’ve done everything that Jake has asked of me. I’ve done my job. I can still leave here with a clear conscience. I don’t want to open the file. I don’t even know what I hope to find.

But don’t I owe it to my uncle to at least try? If there’s a way to save his company, shouldn’t I help him? I can’t stomach the thought of looking through the file right now. It makes me queasy to even look at the computer screen, knowing what’s there. Once I cross that line, I won’t be able to go back.

Afraid that I’m on the verge of a panic attack, I take several deep calming breaths in, out, in, out. I’m going to be sick.

No, I won’t be sick.

I won’t.

In, out, in, out.

I’ll just print the file. That’s what I’ll do. I won’t read any of it. I’ll print it and hold onto it. Then, I can decide what to do with it later.

I click print. Okay, no problem. It should print any second, and I will put the papers in my bag, and maybe I will look at them later. Or maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll just tell Jake I couldn’t get to it and ask him to assign it to one of the other executive assistants. Yes, that’s a solid plan. No decision needs to be made right now.

Why isn’t it printing? I check my printer. The green light is on. It says right there,Ready to Print.

Oh damn it, damn it, damn it. I check the printer settings to confirm. Yep, it’s printing to Liz’s printer. I forgot that I changed my settings earlier today. I needed to print something in color, and my printer is black-and-white only. She had offered to print it forme.

I jerk open my office door and rush down to Liz’s office. Trying to control my panic and appear normal, I knock on her door. Liz calls me in.

“Hey, Lana. I was just about to give you a call.” She stands by her printer, looking through the papers coming out. “I’m assuming that these are yours?”

She holds up the papers as the last one finishes printing.

“Ah, yes, they are. I forgot to change my printer settings from this morning.”

“No problem with using my printer. Anytime.” She looks at the documents again and frowns. “However, you might have forgotten that printing these confidential documents is strictly against company policy. Jake would have a fit if he knew.”

I try to hide my nervousness from her. “I know. It’s just that I have so much work to catch up on. I was hoping to take these home to get a head start. You know we can’t access the digital documents outside of this building. And I’m just afraid that Jake will be upset if I fall behind. I don’t want him to let me go,” I explain.

“I understand. But you don’t have anything to worry about. Jake wouldn’t let you go. He told me that you are doing a fantastic job. He’s impressed with how quickly you picked up on everything. If you’re having trouble keeping up, you just need to talk to him. He is able to allocate work to other people. He wouldn’t want you to be stressed,” she assures me.

“Thank you for saying that. It makes me feel much better,” I lie, not meeting her questioning eyes.

Liz looks unsure of what to say. Finally, she says, “I don’t want to cause you any trouble over an honest mistake. If you go ahead and shred these, we don’t need to mention it to anyone. Okay?”

I breathe a sigh of relief. “Agreed. I will shred them now. Thanks for understanding.”

These documents won’t be shredded. But Liz doesn’t need to know that. Lying to her makes me feel awful. She’s been a friend to me since I started here.

“I’m curious, though,” I continue. “Why do we have this policy? If I am allowed to have access here at the office, why can’t I have access at home?”

Liz looks uncomfortable at my question. After a few moments of indecision, she explains. “About two years ago, we had an incident at the company. Someone was hired on as Dax’s assistant. It turns out that she was stealing corporate information and passing it on to one of our competitors. Jake and Dax couldn’t figure out why we kept losing bids all of a sudden. Eventually, they learned that information was being leaked from inside the company. It was a really awful time for the business.”

Stealing information? Leaking information? Is this what I’m planning to do? No, no, my uncle’s situation is different. My mind is racing, and my palms feel sweaty. Nervousness is oozing out of my pores.

Hesitantly, I ask, “What happened to the person when they were caught?”

“Well, Dax was initially infuriated. He was the one who had hired her. But he also has a soft spot for women. She gave him a sob story about being forced to do it. Something about medical bills for her mom: she needed money and was desperate. Anyway, Dax, being who he is, insisted that the company not involve the authorities or lawyers. She got off reallylucky. If this had been Jake, he wouldn’t have let her off so easily. In fact, he and Dax almost came to blows over it.”

I sit down heavily in the nearby chair, exhaustion and stress making my body ache. When I came up with the crazy plan to get a job here to help my uncle by getting inside information, I never looked at it this way.

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