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“Yes, Sorry, I’m fine,” I say, not so convincingly. She looks at me like she knows otherwise but doesn’t press me, which I’m grateful for, as I think I would fall apart if I had to recount everything.
“Right, we had best be going, don’t worry about the coffee, Andy makes a shit cuppa anyway.”
And I giggle again, this time enjoying the feeling, and her bluntness.
Viewing the apartments didn’t take long; there wasn’t much to see really. All three apartments were basically just two rooms, bedroom/lounge/kitchen with a small shower room to the side. I went for the cheapest one, it was basically an attic room of a three-storey apartment block. There was an apartment below me, and another on the ground floor, the only downside (well it wasn’t the only one) was that it was in a bit of a rough area and I couldn’t move in until Friday afternoon, almost five days, something about paperwork, etc. I don’t mind that it’s the smallest, I don’t have much, only what’s in my case, and the apartment comes furnished, which means I will be able to save even more in the long run. But as I can’t move in till Friday, I’ll have to stay in a hotel or B&B, which will cost me a small fortune. I never even considered having to buy the basics like bed and cooking stuff.
As we get back into the car, I ask Emma if there are any cheap hotels or B&Bs she could recommend, as I need somewhere to stay until I get the keys.
“There are a couple of B&Bs just down the hill, but they won’t be cheap. There are more hotels at the top, depending on what you are after; some are great, some are not great though. There is one I wouldn’t recommend, called the King’s. It’s the kind of place you would stay if you are not going to be there much, there is a reason why it’s so cheap.” She chuckles, and I know where I will be staying. I don’t tell her that though, I already feel embarrassed about it all.
After talking through the details back in the office, and paying a month’s deposit, on top of three months up front, I am basically left with nothing in the bank. Well, that’s not true, butit’s a lot less than what I did have, and with the bill for the hotel for the next four nights I’ll have to pay, I’m going to need to get a job ASAP, doing anything I can.
I have no idea why, but when I left the letting agent’s office, I acted like I was going to stay in one of the B&Bs at the bottom of the hill. I even went down the hill to check them out, and I could tell they were out of my price range, so I headed back up the hill, wheeling my case with me, to find the hotel Emma doesn’t recommend I stay in. I know it’s silly and she was looking out for me, but I can’t risk spending more money than I need to because what if I can’t get a job? What happens then? It’s not even worth thinking about.
When I got to the top of the hill, I could see it. It was run down, and from what I could see, it was mostly used by students and stag-do goers. The place smelled like stale alcohol and didn’t look much better. At the reception desk, I booked my room for four nights and paid in advance so I wouldn’t have to talk to the man on the desk again, he gave me the creeps. He kept checking me out, looking me up and down, so much so that I almost ran to my room, and locked the door behind me.
When I turn around after switching the lights on, I feel a sense of relief wash over me. It’s not a great room, or a great hotel, but here I am, safe. Looking around the room, it’s clean-ish, and very basic, but for fifty pounds a night, I’m not going to argue. I should really eat. I’m not sure when I last ate, maybe yesterday? I don’t remember, my stomach has been in knots knowing what I was about to do, but I feel too tired to even go out to look for food. It’s only five pm but all I want to do is shower and go to bed. I know Glen will be getting back soon,I hope he just lets me go. Although deep down, I know for sure he will be pissed at me, I don’t know what he will do, and that scares me the most.
I grab my case and lift it onto the bed; I take out what I need for my shower and place them on the bed. Walking intothe bathroom, I realise there is no shower, just a bath. I loved having showers, the feel of the hot water running down my body, cutting off any noise around me, washing away the mess, the stress and generally cutting out life for a short while.
It’s all too much, I feel the stress and emotions of the day catch up with me like I had been holding them back just trying to get where I needed to be without thinking. I sink to the floor as the tears start to flow down my face.
‘I have nothing,’I say to myself as I sob, questioning if I have made the right choice to leave him, to leave my home, my lovely home, for this. I can’t stop the tears and I don’t want to, so I crawl back to the bed, take off my clothes and climb in, sobbing uncontrollably and trying not to think about how I will do this on my own. When tiredness overtakes me, I feel myself drift into a restless sleep.
The Letter
“What the fuck is this!” Grabbing the note by the kettle, my knuckles turned white with force. Unfolding the paper, I see her handwriting and read it.
I hate you. You’re not worth the effort anymore, I don’t need someone like you in my life. I wouldn’t even call you a man. No man would ever lay a finger on someone they loved. I’ve taken your abuse for too long, you thought you broke me, but I’m so much stronger than you will ever know!
Don’t look for me, you’ll never find me.
Fuck you!
Millie
“HOW FUCKING DARE SHE LEAVE ME?!” I shout, screwing the note up in my hand. “I’ll find you Millie, and when I do, you’ll pay for what you’ve done!”
Chapter five
A Rude Awakening
The next morning I’m rudely awoken by someone banging at the door. It takes me a few minutes to realise where I am, the thudding gets louder, panic sets in when I realise…what if he’s found me? Don’t be stupid, I have to tell myself. Whoever that is at my door will go away in a minute.
“Thomas, where the fuck are you?” he shouts through the door, and I relax a little, knowing no one knows me, or knows I’m here. I don’t want to get out of bed, but whoever that is at my door doesn’t sound like they are going to give in until I answer.
“Let me in, Tom!” I hear a man beg from the other side. He doesn’t sound angry, just annoyed. “I’m not in the best of moods, given what you did to me last night, I need my keys back, so I can get to work,” he says, still banging on the door.
Swinging my legs out of bed, I grab an old t-shirt from my suitcase and put it on as I walk over to the door, I step back before I place my hand on the doorknob and take a few deep breaths, I know it’s stupid to be scared but I am, I don’t know anyone here. Just as I unlock the door, he must have been leaning on it because he stumbles in, hands stretched out infront of him. I’m not quick enough to move out of his way. And before he or I can do anything about it he knocks me over.
“Oh shit,” I hear him say as I land on my ass with a thud. He looks at me with an odd expression, then looks around the room.
“I’m so sorry,” he says, reaching for me but I flinch out of his way, covering myself. I stand up as quickly as I can. I know my face has gone red with embarrassment. I realise he’s looking at what I have been trying to cover up for a long time, so people don’t give me that look. The look he is giving me now, I can’t cover them not with this t-shirt…
“Get out, please,” I beg him. He turns and heads for the door, but he stops by the door frame, turns around and looks back at me…he looks concerned. I don’t want his pity.
“Are you okay?” he says as his eyes go to my face, where there is a fading bruise. I watch as his eyes drift over my body, looking at all the cuts and bruises I have. I feel so ashamed of myself right now, and try to cover myself up again with no luck.
