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“I’m fine, could you please just leave?” I say when my courage finally comes to me. I place my hands on his chest and shove him away, not that it does much good but he moves anyway. I grab the door, almost slamming his fingers in it, trying to get rid of him. All I hear him say is “sorry” as I close the door behind him.
Locking the door behind me, I hear him mutter under his breath, something about what an idiot he was. I don’t agree.How did he know what was behind the door?I lean myself against it, letting out a huge breath I didn’t realise I was holding. No one has ever seen them before. I stopped looking at them a long time ago; each faded bruise was soon replaced by another one, a day, week or a month later. But the look of confusion, and then pity on his face, as he looked at me and realised what he was seeing, was just awful, and I never want to see that look again. I grab a glass of water, then decide to climb back intobed and sleep for a few more hours, to try and forget what just happened… that look, my ex, this mess, this place.
Walking out of the room a few hours later, I decided today needed to be better. Start as you mean to go on, they say... So, okay, it didn’t start great, but when I woke up and felt free, I had no one to tell me what to do, how to behave, what to wear, and it felt amazing. I can feel the smile on my face.
I head down the hall to the stairs and make my way out of the building, the reception now smells like smoke, not the legal kind. A few more days and I’ll have my own place. But I need to look for work and quickly, I will take anything.
Just as I’m about to pass the reception desk, I hear a male voice call out. I ignore it, it can’t be for me, who would want to talk to me? So I keep walking and head outside; I wrap my coat around me, it’s colder than it was yesterday, even though the sun is shining, and there is barely a cloud in the sky.
“Excuse me, hello… Miss, hello,” I hear the voice again; it seems to have followed me outside, so I turn around and watch as a guy jogs up to me. As he comes closer, I realise it’s the guy from this morning, the one who knocked me on my already sore ass. I start walking a little faster, I don’t want to talk to anyone, not in the least him.
“Hi,” he says, catching up to me. I don’t want to speak to him, but I’m also not rude….
“Hi,” I say back to him, trying not to look at him.
“I’m sorry, I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” He shakes his head, realising how that sounds. “I feel bad about what happened this morning. My mate nicked my keys so I couldn’t drive back last night, when I knocked on your door, well I thought it was his, thestupid staff there, I swear they do it for fun.” I can feel his eyes on me, so I stop walking and he almost walks into me again.
Holding his hands up, he says, “Wow, again? Almost,” and he chuckles. It’s a sweet sound, and I find myself smiling at him. He’s a lot taller than I am, with dark hair and has a great tan for this time of the year.
“Made you smile,” he says, grinning at me, and I can’t help but smile again.
“Yeah, you did, look if you don’t mind I have to go, I need to find a job today, so I need to get going.” I’m not sure why I told him that.
“Sure, I just wanted to ask if you were okay.” I can see the concern coming back on his face, so I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
“Yes, I’m fine, I was in an accident a few weeks back, but I’m on the mend now, look I really have to go.” By the look on his face I can see that he doesn’t believe me; the look he gives me says it all and that makes me want to run and hide with shame. As I start to walk away, he goes to grab my arm and I flinch away from him. Shaking my head, he gives me an apologetic smile.
“Look if it’s a job you’re after, there are a few going at the Manor House Hotel if you’re interested, I could…”
“No thank you, I don’t need any help,” I say, turning around and walking away, leaving him standing there.
I can do this on my own.
I have spent the last three days painstakingly looking for work; I’ve asked everywhere, shops, hotels (not the one that guy mentioned) and I’ve managed to pick up a part-time job in a local pub, not far from my new apartment. It’s nothing fancy,just collecting glasses, and helping out where I can, the hours are awful, but for the time being, I can’t complain. It will give me the days to myself as my shifts don’t start until five on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. The Manager, Mike said I won’t finish until at least twelve or one in the morning. My first shift starts tonight, I’m a little nervous, I don’t want to mingle too much; I’m going to try and keep myself to myself until I heal and feel a bit stronger. The last few nights have been awful, I’ve not slept much. I keep dreaming he is coming after me, and I can’t escape, and it happens all over again, as soon as I close my eyes. Then I wake up panicking, barely able to breathe. So I just sit there and listen to what’s going on outside, and wait. I’m so tired, my body aches all over. Getting my own place is going to be a dream! My own space, somewhere I can be me, or at least find out who me is, even if it’s not the best, it will be mine.
I don’t have long to wait, I move in tomorrow, but I also have to work tonight, which is not ideal, as I’ll have to set up with no or little sleep, not that I have much. I’ve packed everything up ready so I can move first thing in the morning. I can’t wait to go shopping to pick out some new stuff; I’ve been eyeing the shops up and down the hill for some of the basics I’ll need and making lists of everything I will need to get. I literally have to start from scratch again – pots, pans, bedding, you name it, I need it; I’ve not bought anything yet. I have no way to move it all and doing some shopping will be nice. Oh that reminds me, I need to see what’s next on my list; pulling my pad out from the suitcase, I open it…
Get away from him
Go somewhere he or you have never been
Find a place to stay
Get a job
