AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter Seventeen
The sun beat down on them as they cycled around the quieter paths of the forest. The park was popular for cyclists, and the lush greenery on either side of her was why. Thank goodness her mum insisted on renting bikes for the weekend. As she rode, a light breeze tickled her skin.
“I can’t remember when I last rode a bike,” she said as Chris coasted next to her. He was a bit gangly for his bike, and he’d nearly flown off the handlebars a couple of times.
“I haven’t since I was fifteen,” he replied, attempting to tuck his legs up. “And this is the same bike.”
Even bunched up in a way that had to be uncomfortable, he was laughing. The sun beamed in lines through the leaves, warming her skin. Away from the bustle of the crowds of yoga mums and BMW-owning dads, she immersed herself in the same feeling of freedom that she’d experienced on the beach that morning. Here there were no judgements or expectations. Her brief argument with Chris had shocked her, but she hadn’t run away or had an anxiety attack. She’d never argued with anyone like that before, not even Emma.
She expected him to be angry with her still, but there was no sign of it if he was.
As they cycled through the forest roads, she told herself to forget her feelings and instead enjoy the moments she got to spend with him. Unfortunately, her body hadn’t got the message. Something about Chris made her want to dance on her bike. Her belly was non-stop with butterflies, but it wasn’t a sickness. It was like she was glowing with light, yet she was gearing up for the last and most challenging year at school. Their near-kiss during adventure golf was like something from another day. Neither of them brought it up again. Maybe ithadn’t been like that. Maybe her family were right, and he was spending time with her to get through the boredom.
“Did you enjoy having chocolate chips on your pancake?” he asked as they rode past a couple of kids and their parents. The parents looked like everyone else, but there was something wide-eyed about the children. It’s like they were experiencing everything for the first time. Was it weird to be on the cusp of adulthood and still miss how wondrous everything was? The little children waved at them while giggling, and they waved back as they continued down the road.
“I did. I’m gutted that I didn’t get to see the happy face you tried to make on the little squares before I ruined it.” Birds tweeted and cooed to each other, but the noise was brief as they continued their travels through the holiday park. A song carried from one of the lodges as Lucie waited for Chris to respond. Did his silence mean he agreed she ruined it?
“You didn’t ruin it. You were annoyed, and thankfully the only casualty was a smiley-faced pancake,” Chris joked. “Can I let you into a secret?”
“Another one? Sure, I want to learn all your secrets,” she replied. She glanced at him briefly before they drove over a hump in the road. His green eyes sparkled in the sunlight, but doubt crossed his face. “You can tell me anything.”
“My mum used to make me the best pancakes. My dad tried a couple of times after she left, but it wasn’t the same. When she made the fluffiest pancakes in the world, she’d add chocolate chips in a smile. Although sometimes I hate her for leaving us, I miss her too. It wasn’t my fault, but I feel guilty sometimes,” he said too softly. She slowed her bike and appreciated it when he did too.
“Sometimes I wish my mum would leave my dad, and then I wouldn’t have to see him anymore, and then I feel guiltyfor that,” she replied. “We shouldn’t though. No matter what happened when you were younger, I bet your mum loved you.”
“Yeah, I hope so, but she still left me.”
They rode slowly next to each other. The wind rushed through the trees, and sometimes a squirrel or something chattered, but there was no time to distinguish what the sounds were. Chris was silent, occasionally zooming off to execute a perfect wheelie before dropping back to cycle next to her. She couldn’t work him out. It was as if there were two sides to him, the honest one who shared things and had a weird childlike nature and the trouble side that needed to act out. That was the side everyone else talked about.
She shook her head, trying to shut out the negative voices of her classmates reminding her that boring Lucie had no sides. “When we were younger, my whole family was on holiday at the seaside in Cornwall. While we were there, Dad got a migraine and stayed home. So on that day, Mum took Emma and me to the beach. It was the best day, and we laughed for hours. We played the 2p arcade machines and jumped up and down in the water. We ate these lush ice creams and chips and performed our silent karaoke game aloud while running in and out of the sea. Dad wouldn’t have let us do any of those things. Mum smiled a lot that day. I’ve never seen her that happy, especially not recently. Dad was grumpy and insisted Mum cooked him dinner when we got home. He was annoyed because we came home smiling and laughing. We hid the things we bought because he would have told us off for wasting money. He really knows how to mindfuck us all.”
“That can do a lot of damage. Why does your mum stay with him?”
“Love? Every so often, I catch her holding the crappy plastic keyring we won from the 2p machines, and she has this faraway look on her face,” Lucie said. “But what I’m trying to say is ourmemories are a bit sullied by what we’ve learnt as we’ve got older, but like the one with your mum, it doesn’t mean these memories mean any the less to us. Maybe it means we should hold them tighter. Don’t let what you know now ruin how you felt then.”
“You’re very wise, Lucie. Do you know that, like properly wise, not the fake kind? I used to believe that adults were always wise and right and had our best interests at heart. But that’s bullshit. Don’t get me wrong. My dad has always taken care of me and gave me a good life. But he makes mistakes and messes up too. What did my mum think when she left? Dad hasn’t been able to talk about it, but they argued a lot before she went. I’d sit on the top of the stairs and listen to them argue. I cuddled my teddy bear, Benji, so hard on those nights, although I was eight years old and too old to be cuddling soft toys. Benji’s fur was so soft between my fingers as I cried,” he said.
“Have you got another happy memory about her? I want another one,” Lucie requested. Chris stopped by the side of the road and perched on his bike, gazing into the trees. His mouth was downturned, and his sighs carried through the breeze of the forest.
“You sure you want to hear more? I don’t want to bore you,” he said quietly.
“Bore me? You could never bore me,” she replied. His smile gave her belly flutters, and she smiled back.
“Do you remember yesterday when I was surprised at the way you’d drawn my eyes? I thought you’d drawn hers because that was a look she sometimes gave me.” Lucie nodded. “The first time I spoke in my school nativity, she gave me that look. I was four, and all I said was, ‘There’s no room here,’ but Mum grinned from the front row, and her eyes were like that.”
“That’s so lovely.”
“Yeah, it was. And then after she treated me to ice cream at this fancy ice cream café near my school. It had booths with bouncy seats. She said I could have anything I wanted. I chose a giant chocolate sundae. Sprinkles everywhere and a wafer on top. As I sat with ice cream smothered around my face, Mum and I laughed about silly things. She made up stories about Father Christmas and the magic he used when he delivered presents around the world. Then, she swore me to secrecy about the ice cream.”
“How come?”
“I wasn’t supposed to eat sugar, especially not lots of it, because I had a history of vomiting after excess amounts of sugar. Dad worried about me, but the ice cream sundae was as big as my head! I’d forgotten about that day until I saw your drawing.”
“Did your dad worry a lot?”
“Yeah, he worried about the days when it was just Mum and me. I never asked him why because I was scared of his answer, but I guess it was hard for both of them in their own way,” Chris mused. “No matter what happened between them, I hope Mum is okay and happy wherever she is. I nearly tried to find her once, but I didn’t want to ruin the happy memories I have of her.”
“I get that. You don’t have to make any decisions about finding your mum now. There’s lots of time to do it,” Lucie replied.
