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“In two weeks. Why?” he asked as he turned too and grabbed her other hand.
They sat cross-legged on the sand, holding hands. Chris’s smile was tentative, and even as the sun heated her skin, a shiver crossed her belly. “Because although I’m back at school this week and studying non-stop, I can get away next weekend. We could meet up.”
His tentative smile grew like a flower blooming for the first time. “Yeah, for real? There’s a really cool café near the train station.”
“The rainforest one?” Lucie blurted out. “With catcalling monkey sounds?”
“Yes! How do you know it? No one knows it. I’m surprised it’s still open.”
“I love it there. I try to get there once a month. I studied there in the build-up to my exams to escape home. If I tell you a secret, will you promise not to tell anyone else?”
“Yeah, of course,” he replied. His eyes sparkled, and she was reminded of his energy.
She leant closer and whispered in his ear as if they were in danger of being overheard. The scent of Lynx filled her chest, and she closed her eyes to savour it before speaking. “If you sit in the booth in the corner around lunchtime, rainbows appear on the table. I don’t know how, because I can’t see any prisms or anything, but they appear every time.”
“Seriously?” he whispered back. “We have to meet there at lunchtime next weekend so that you can show me these rainbows.”
His lips brushed her ear. Her legs trembled, and heat rushed through her stomach as his breath crossed her neck. They were so close. Should she ask him to kiss her? How did you know when the time was right?
“Tell me three positive things about you,” he suddenly requested, inadvertently causing her to lean back to look at him.
She didn’t hesitate in her reply. “I conquered several fears, I didn’t freak out over the attack, and I spoke to those teenagers that I was scared of on Friday without overthinking it first. And one for luck, I’m happy.”
He clapped his hands. “Yes, you are!”
“Your turn,” she pointed at him animatedly.
“No one ever asks me. It’s a tricky question to answer, isn’t it?” he joked, pausing. “Okay, I can do this. Mine are that I give great presents, I’m kind, and I’m happy too.”
Her chest was bursting with joy. “You give the best presents. I can’t thank you enough for today. And thank you for the way you dealt with my attack too.”
“No worries. I don’t want to make it all about me, but working with you to get through that helped me too. I’ve never told anyone about Mum’s attacks before.”
She squeezed his hands between hers. “You can tell me anything, right?” They’d shared so much since they’d met. The one secret she still kept from him was that she wanted to kiss him, and that probably wasn’t the secret she hoped it was.
“Okay. I trust you, Lucie. I really do. But this is hard to share.”
“That’s okay.” Lucie wasn’t entirely sure why she did it, but she turned around so that her back was against his chest. Maybe if he wasn’t looking at her, he could say it. It took some awkward shifting, which destroyed any chance of romance, but soon she rested between his legs. The heat of his body was against her. Would it make her sweaty? It was worth it.
He held her close as he spoke. “The thing is, when I was younger, I thought that my mum left because I didn’t have the skills to help her when she had attacks. As far as I knew, she only had them when I was around. I couldn’t help her on her down days either.”
He paused as families played nearby in the water.
“My counselling helped me to understand Mum a bit better, but I didn’t say anything about the attacks. I was ashamed that I’d failed Mum and that people would blame me for her leaving. It’s not that simple, but I still believe it on my worst days.” The pain in his words broke her heart.
“Chris, no,” Lucie jumped in. “Do you get how much it helped me to have you with me during my attack? It’s the same when Emma does it. It’s not about anything you do or say, although that was great. But having someone close during the spiralling thoughts means everything.”
“For real?”
“For real. Do you know what? I reckon it helped your mum too. You being there for her, even when you were so young and didn’t fully understand, would have helped her. And not just during the attack, but after too. She wasn’t alone. Please don’t ever underestimate that or blame yourself.” Lucie took his hands and held them between her own. “Do you miss her?”
“I miss what I remember. I feel guilty because I saw what she did to Dad and how he continues to suffer. But she was my mum. She had problems, but she was also a lot of fun.” He laughed, catching her off guard.
“What is it?”
“Sorry, I remembered this one time she took me to the park when Dad was at work. More than once, she took me there, and I’d be wearing pyjamas. Dad would have hit the roof if he knew.” Chris chuckled. His chest vibrated against her. “Sometimes, we’d pretend to be pirates hunting for treasure, or dinosaurs,or my favourite game was when I was a spaceman going to the moon and meeting an alien for the first time. Of course, she was always the alien.”
“No way?”
