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“Yeah, she had this green mask that she’d made from card, and she’d wear it and chase me around the park. Those were the good days.” His delight disappeared, and sadness filled the edges of his words.
“But there were bad days too?” Lucie asked tentatively, holding his hands tighter.
“Yeah, she had those too. They were horrible. But even with everything that’s happened, I wish I could see her one more time and ask her why she left, but I guess some wishes don’t come true.” Chris faltered. Although his hands didn’t leave hers, his shoulder bobbed. Was he wiping a tear away? “I just want to hug her one more time and tell her that I love her.”
Lucie squeezed his hands to reassure him. “Your mum was lucky to have you, and she’d be proud of you if she met you now,” Lucie replied. She let go of his hands, turning around and giving him a long hug. She didn’t know what to say but hoped a hug would help.
Eventually, she turned back and drew his hands against her again.
“I wish your dad knew how lucky he was. Sorry if I shouldn’t say that, but you’re amazing. Everything about you is incredible, and he should tell you that every day,” Chris said. Lucie’s eyes were watery now too. No one had ever said that about her. Her dad made her believe she was a burden. She would never match his expectations but battled to do so even though it hurt her when he made digs or suggested she was a failure.
“Sometimes, I wish I didn’t have to see my dad every day. It sounds mean because you don’t get to spend time with your mum, but who would I be if I didn’t carry the guilt of not beingenough or the anxiety from trying to be the person he wants me to be? I used to say it to Mum, but she told me that we’re fortunate we have him paying the bills and keeping a roof over our heads.” Tears fell down her cheeks now, but she wasn’t embarrassed to be crying in front of Chris. On the contrary, it was a relief to say the words aloud. Her dad should have been better. He was lucky to have her and Emma.
“Your dad and my mum were different. It’s good that you can say stuff. You deserve a dad who loves you for who you are. From everything you’ve said, he should be shouting how proud he is of you. You work hard, are talented, and care about people. You’re the best, Lucie. You did a zip wire, for goodness sake.”
Chris held her close, and they both cried through the pain of their family situations. It was freeing to share with someone how she felt about her dad. It was only that morning Lucie was willing to admit it to herself. But telling someone else was scary. He could have told her she was ungrateful or an ugly person. She was fortunate to have a roof over her head and do all the activities they did because of money, and she didn’t take it for granted. But she longed for a dad who told her he loved her or was proud of her. Instead, her dad opened his mouth to remind her of her failings. Emma endured it too, but as a result, she’d developed the energy to live life as she wanted.
Lucie caught the chatter from a family getting ready to go on the inflatable water challenge. The children excitedly asked questions about what would happen if they fell in and if they would get cold in their wetsuits. They were scared the water monsters would bite them and hurt them.
“The water monsters are friendly and will take care of you until we get you. And you have a special vest, which means you can’t go underneath,” one dad said as he picked up his son and tickled him. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.” They wereso happy. Why had she never had that sort of relationship with her dad?
“Sorry for bringing the mood down,” Chris said after a while.
She puffed out air as if in a brief laugh. “You didn’t. You gave me a chance to be me. I will never be able to thank you enough for that. And you were right in what you said about yesterday. An anxiety attack was coming on. I ran away because I’d never had them in front of anyone but Emma, well there was kinda a time in front of dad too. Normally I message Emma and ask her to help me, but I haven’t got my phone, and neither has she. I had to get away from you. I didn’t want you to see that I’m messed up.”
“You’re not messed up,” he replied, and she turned to look at him. He squinted against the sunlight reflecting off the water.
“No, but I should be doing something about the attacks. It’s because of Emma’s research that I learnt they’re called anxiety attacks, not panic attacks. I’ve been too scared to look into them, but I should ask Mum or school for support after everything today. Maybe I can’t stop the attacks, but if I learn ways to calm myself or reduce them, then I won’t be so scared. And I won’t run away from people like I did yesterday.”
“I’m glad I didn’t scare you off for good.” He smiled before suddenly bobbing up and down like he had ants in his pants. “Oh, and the day isn’t over yet. For a start, I haven’t given you your card. I don’t have any other activities planned, but we could walk through the forest. What time do you have to be back?”
“I have a birthday dinner at five tonight, so I should go at quarter past four to get ready. I can’t be late. I’ll be in so much trouble if I am. Like walking over hot coals, locked in the cupboard under the stairs levels of trouble,” Lucie joked.
Chris checked his watch. “Okay, we’ve got two hours. I’ll set a timer on my phone.” He dragged his bag closer and reached into it. “Here’s your card, by the way.”
He placed a thick white envelope into her hand. He stared at her with raised eyebrows and wide eyes as she slipped her finger through the paper and ripped it.
Bright reds and yellows caught her attention as she pulled the card free.
The words “I bet you thought I bought you a birthday present…” were accompanied by the image of a cat with a massive head and huge open smile.
She opened the card gingerly. As she opened it, the sound of laughter exploded. It was a card that played noises.
The non-stop chuckling made her smile. Inside, the message read, “Of course not!”
“Sorry,” Chris said. “They didn’t have many options in the shop here. Read the bit I wrote on the back.”
She turned it over and smiled at the scrawl. Chris wasn’t like any guy she’d met before, except when it came to his writing style.
To Lucie, I’m so glad I met you. You’ve made this the best weekend ever, and I hope you’ll visit me at university one weekend. Love, Chris.
Lucie felt the familiar blush creep onto her face. She nodded excitedly. “I’d love to visit you.”
“Really? That’s the best news ever!” Chris jumped up and fist-pumped the air. He wriggled his bum in glee, making her giggle. “Right, let’s go and discover more of this place. But before we do, I want to hear the card laugh again.”
Lucie opened the card, and they laughed at the chuckling coming from the birthday card. They were probably weird to anyone nearby, but Lucie didn’t care. She was happy, and she didn’t want to hide it.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
