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“Ah. This is a Leighton lecture. Again. Too many of these.”
“Sure. Call it that. Even Tara said you two are amazing whenever she sees you together, and she’s oblivious to spotting sparks.”
“I heard that!” Tara yelled from their bedroom where she was lost inMario Kart. “But it’s true,” she said, quieter this time.
“Thank you, mi amor,” Clarissa called back. Her expression darkened. “Now back to you.”
Jamie glanced at the bedroom door behind her. “Why does she get the sweet voice?”
“Because she’s not the one I’m talking sense into.”
“Is this the principal’s office all of a sudden?”
“Yes, it is. If you want Tegan, by all means pursue her. But you’d be missing out.”
Jamie closed her eyes. “Leighton’s taken. I waited too long, and now I can’t make waves in her life.”
Clarissa squinted. “Maybe she’d want the waves. Maybe she’d run off with you if only she knew what you were feeling for her.”
“It’s toomuch. What if she chose Helen? What then?”
“Then you’re no worse off. What if she chose you, Jamie? What if?”
“I can’t do it.” The idea of putting herself out there, declaring herself, in the midst of Leighton’s bliss, sucked the air out of the room.“I’d feel like I’m at the top of the tallest roller coaster imaginable, looking over the edge about to drop.”
“And you don’t like rides. You’re the only person I know who goes to Coney Island for the food alone.”
Jamie nodded. “Well, the corn dogs are superior.”
“Jamiecita, what I’m hearing is you’re afraid of putting yourself out there. It’s an age-old problem. Sometimes you have to make yourself uncomfortable.” A pause. “Or lead a mediocre little life. Which is better?”
“Mediocre,” Jamie said without hesitation. “Marlene has sexy time on Thursday. She knows what to expect. I need the Marlene plan. How do I sign up for that?”
“You’re on it already, my friend. Is that really what you want?”
Jamie hesitated. Because she wasn’t being honest. She wanted it all. She craved butterflies and excitement and all the good things that came with being in love. In fact, she treasured those feelings. Wait. She blinked, turning over a realization in her mind. She nodded, raised her gaze to Clarissa, and exhaled. “I’m already in love with her, aren’t I?”
Clarissa nodded. “For a while now, I think.”
Jamie tore her gaze away, needing a moment. She focused on a watercolor painting on Clarissa’s wall of a boat in choppy seas and sank into the comfort of the couch as this new realization washed over her one inch at a time. What was she supposed to do with this information? She was in love with a woman she’d pushed away blatantly, who was now in a relationship with someone else. Maybe even in love. Wasn’t this wonderful?
“It was not wonderful,” the voice-over said.
“Shut up,” Jamie murmured. She sat up and faced Clarissa, refusing to be defeated. “Now what am I supposed to do?”
“Nothing. Not until you’re ready.”
* * *
Leighton was close to sleep when Helen’s arms went around her waist from behind. It had been a more serious night for them, but it had been worth it to go there, to open up and hash out what had happened with the fundraiser. She felt all the closer to Helen for it.
“I’m really sorry,” Helen said again.
“I know, and I forgive you. You don’t have to keep apologizing. Unless of course it gets me something amazing, like free pizza for a year.” She put her arms on Helen’s. “You heard what I had to say and truly listened.” She gave Helen a squeeze. “It’s all I could ask for.”
“I’d take my donation right out of his hands if I could.” The moonlight caught her eyes, and Leighton saw the sincerity. Helen was a good person. They didn’t always see eye to eye right away, but she cared enough to try. That counted for a lot.
“No need.” It had taken over a week, but earlier that night, she’d sat Helen down and explained to her how Logan Morrow had ignored her for her entire life. She’d not held back from Helen the way that had made her feel as a child, knowing one of her parents refused to acknowledge her, while he paraded his other children around for the whole world to see. She’d let Helen know how he’d treated her mom. How he’d not returned calls, even been cruel when she did get him on the phone. All of it, excluding only the letter she’d written and had returned. The rejection was too fresh, and she couldn’t quite bring herself to share that detail with anyone. Well, except Jamie. That was different.
