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‘Are you sureyouwouldn’t mind?’ he asks.
‘Honestly? I can’t think of anything I’d like more,’ I tell him, and I mean it.
We finish up breakfast, but neither of us suggests parting ways just yet. We wander along the river, another pair of people in the Saturday morning bustle, and conversation is easy: we talk about birthdays from our childhood, what plans Lloyd and Will have for their birthday at the end of August and how rubbishit’s always been to have a birthday in the school holidays like this. We talk like we did the first night, and that time at the late-night cafe, and I have to try hard not to follow Lloyd’s lead and wear my heart on my sleeve around him, when we can’t be more than friends.
We leave each other around lunchtime. I text Lloyd the plans for tonight so he can meet us with Will at the restaurant, and call Dad when I’m on the bus home to chat to everybody.
‘I wish you’d come home for the weekend!’ Gina tells me, when she manages to wrangle the phone back off Oliver and Christian once they descend into bickering. ‘We would’ve paid for your train ticket! I didn’t get to see you with the others in Devon the other week, and I miss you! But at least you’ve got plans with all your friends – I’m sure that’s much more exciting than seeing us lot. I know I sent you some nice new clothes and a few bits from us all, but your dad’s sent you some money, too, so you can treat yourself to a little something!’
I miss her too. I miss all of them.
It must just be this homesickness for family that makes me feel a little bit guilty when, back at the flat, I find a birthday card from Mum with some money inside, too. And shedoessound contrite in her earliertext, when I finally read that properly – like she reallyistrying.
It’s hard to let her.
I don’t want to give her the chance to disappoint me again.
Either way, I find myself thanking her for the card, the money and the birthday wishes, and I even apologize for being so short with her at lunch. Maybe, I say, if she’s still around in a couple of weeks, we can try again before I leave.
On my terms.
The evening arrives suddenly, all at once, with a group of us piling out to a restaurant Elaine found nearby. There’s a little initial surprise that Lloyd and Will are joining us, but I just mention I’d invited them ‘a while ago’ and they’re swept easily into the fold, and come back to the flat with us afterwards to enjoy the cake Izzy made – a giant vanilla sponge with lashings of buttercream that is truly mouth-watering. We stuff ourselves with cake and play charades, and when Will and Lloyd make a move to leave, I walk them out. They both fit seamlessly into the group, but I feel a new sort of warm glow at bringing some friends together; I bask in the feeling of being surrounded by people I feel are genuinely my friends, and not just because we’re in the same club together at school orsomething. For once, I enjoy being not just included, but the centre of attention.
And it’s nice to know that Lloyd and I really can spend time together this way, without it being weird or tense.
‘Thanks for the invite,’ Will tells me, and gives me a quick, one-armed hug. ‘This was fun. And I’m glad you two are speaking again.’
Lloyd shoves his brother, rolling his eyes. Will steps away to call the lift, granting us a tiny, fleeting moment of privacy.
‘Thanks for coming,’ I say. It comes out a whisper.
Lloyd smiles at me, leaning in with a hand braced against my elbow to kiss my cheek, dangerously close to the corner of my mouth, sending a current of electric shock all the way to my toes. He smiles softly when he draws away.
‘Happy birthday, Annalise.’
I watch them leave, my fingers coming up to brush against my cheek.
As presents go, that kiss was the best one.
By the time the weekend is over, I feel way better than when it started. My relationship –friendship– with Lloyd is back on track, and I even feel okay about the fact I’m going to meet Mum for dinner next week. I think it helps that Dad looked so relieved when I mentioned it to him, and he seemed as proud of me for making the effort with Mum as he did when I got into uni.
Despite there being only a couple of weeks left in the internship, things show no signs of slowing down. On top of our usual workloads, we all have presentations to prepare for a big talk at the end of the summer. I still want to make sure I leave everyone with a good impression, so I can’t suddenly start to take things easy now.
On Wednesday, Lloyd and I leave my desk, wrapping up one of our usual chats about an ongoing Arrowmileproject. We both go to get a fresh hot drink, taking the opportunity to talk more quietly about our plan for Lloyd’s secret project. When I head back towards my desk, alone, Tasha is striding towards me. The snap of her high heels is muffled by the carpet. She holds herself tall, shoulders squared, piercing me with such a sharp look that I stop in my tracks before she can cut me off.
‘You’realwayshanging about with him.’
It’s clear she means Lloyd. ‘He’s always hanging about. My team asked me to help him out with some stuff.’
‘Whatstuff?’ Tasha demands, eyes narrowing at me. She’s my height, but somehow manages to look down her nose at me. I notice her eyes flit to scrutinize my hair, and I tuck some flyaways behind my ear self-consciously.
‘Just some stuff about some projects.’
She scoffs, crossing her arms. ‘Right, okay. Justtell me. I know the two of you are like this.’ Tasha holds up two crossed fingers – and then, bearing down on me, hisses, ‘Iknowyou guys have a thing. I saw you snogging in the hallway, weeks ago.’
Oh, shit. Shit!
Weeks ago. She’s known all this time, and – not told anybody. Has she just been waiting for the perfectmoment to try to use it to undermine me, or … Maybe she didn’t get a good look, and only assumed it was Lloyd? Surely she would’ve told everyone by now, if she was so sure …
