AllFreeNovel
Share Us
And for the past few days, I’ve been wishing I could have a little bit more.
It’s probably selfish of me. Maybe, after everything I’ve done in my life, I don’t deserve any more than I have.
My therapist would give me the stink eye at that thought, and I know she’d be right. But it’s hard to not let the small voice at the back of my mind mutter about exactly how entitled a person can be.
A lot of people would kill for a life like mine. I’ve got everything I need and a lot that I don’t need. Because of my family’s money, I don’t even need to hold a full-time job, so I can spend much of my time on painting, which would never be able to pay the bills for me. I’ve got really good friends and successful sobriety. Peace and lifelong security.
I don’t need a man.
I haven’t even really missed sex that much for the past three years since I can easily take care of the occasional urge on my own. Most of the sex I had in the past can only be classified as fucking, and it’s the last thing in the world I want to participate in now. So I’m not sure why sex—a different kind of sex—is all I can think about lately.
It probably has something to do with the recent proximity of Caleb. I’m not used to a virile, attractive man being at such close quarters for so long. It’s just gotten me going.
It doesn’t mean anything more.
Despite my extended rationalizations, I feel the need for something extra tonight, so I end up ordering a second cosmo as I hang out with my friends.
Trey is on duty tonight, so I don’t even have the exhilaration of knowing Caleb’s eyes are on me. But that’s just as well. I don’t need that.
I’m doing just fine on my own. I don’t need a man. I don’t even need Caleb.
The evening is uneventful, and I head home before midnight, which is still a late night for my friend group.
I’m tired and wired and very slightly buzzing from more alcohol than I’ve had in years. Trey checks the house before he lets me out of the car. When he’s cleared it for me, I go inside, toe off my shoes, drop my little bag, and wander into my studio, staring around blankly at my collection of canvases in various stages of completion.
Weirdly, it feels like my life. A series of attempted starts and restarts, never getting the canvas exactly as I envision it.
It’s a bleak thought and not a rational one. Clearly a result of the alcohol. I shake it off and go fill up a cup with filtered water, then swallow down half of it as I stand by the counter.
“Everything all right?”
The voice surprises me so much I jerk and slop a little of my water. It dribbles down my lips as I turn to find Caleb standing at the kitchen entrance.
He’s wearing gray pajama pants and a white undershirt. His hair is kind of rumpled. He clearly got up from bed.
I gulp at the sight of him. Since I have a mouthful of water, it’s a convenient gesture.
“Yes,” I manage to say after I lower my cup. “Fine.”
He narrows his eyes as he peers at me. “Have you been drinking?”
I scowl. “I had two drinks.”
“Why?”
“Why? Because I’m an adult, and I’m allowed a couple of drinks if I want.”
“I thought you stuck to one.” He’s taken a few steps closer, so now he’s standing directly in front of me, frowning and vaguely intimidating.
It’s probably the extra drink, but he’s really annoying me right now. “Usually I do. Tonight I had one more. I’m not drunk. I’m not even close. Your job is not to boss me around.”
“I wasn’t bossing you around. I asked a question. And you didn’t really answer it.”
I blink, momentarily distracted from my irrational indignation. “What question?”
“Why? You changed your habits. In a way you decided years ago wasn’t good for you. I want to know why.”
“I can have two drinks without falling off the wagon!”
