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Caleb insists on taking me back to the doctor Monday morning. This time I get the all clear. No apparent damage and no worries now that all the side effects are gone.
I’m glad to get confirmation, but I wasn’t particularly anxious about my condition since, after taking it easy all day on Friday, I’ve been feeling normal for the past two days.
Getting the okay from the doctor is mostly important so Caleb will finally relax and stop questioning every extra effort I make.
Even last night, he woke me up once to make sure I was okay. Now, I’m not one of those people who treat sleeping like a religion, but still… I wasn’t entirely polite when I told him I was fine and to go away and leave me alone.
I rescheduled the art experience I had planned for this afternoon since last week I wasn’t sure I’d be up for it. So I tell Caleb I’m going to swim after the doctor’s appointment and if he thinks I need more rest and doesn’t want to drive me, he can stay at home and I’ll drive myself.
He rolls his eyes and takes me to my health club.
I have a good afternoon and feel more like myself.
That evening, after Trey switches on duty and Caleb disappears into the guest room, Greg and Brandy come over for Crock-Pot chili and cornbread and to catch up on the happenings since Thursday.
When I’m done telling the story of my encounter with Marcus, the trip to the emergency room, and my concussion afterward, Brandy leans forward and whispers, “So is Caleb still hovering now that you’re better?”
For some reason, the question makes me blush. “He wasn’t hovering. He was just doing his job.”
“Uh-huh,” Greg murmurs, looking amused and skeptical both.
“Right. His jo-o-o-ob.” Brandy stretches out the final word far too long.
“Stop it. Both of you. He was concerned. His job is to keep me safe, and he was worried I’d really gotten hurt.”
“And exactly how many nights did he sit in your bedroom in the dark, watching over you, all devoted and protective?” Brandy is grinning openly now.
“Stop!” I hiss out the word in a stage whisper, glancing back in fear that Caleb might somehow overhear. “It’s not anything like that.”
“Maybe not,” Brandy says in a different tone, relenting enough to give me some breathing room in the teasing. She can probably see I’m starting to get a little upset. “But does any part of you maybe want it to be?”
We’ve finished eating now. I stir the leftover chili at the bottom of my bowl, staring down at it as I search for a response. “I… don’t know.”
“Don’t you?” Brandy is still doing the talking. Greg is listening in that grave way he has, nodding occasionally. “Isn’t this the guy who took care of you all those years when you were wild?”
“Yeah. I mean, I had other bodyguards too that traded off, but it was mostly him.”
“You always seemed to have certain feelings about him. All of us noticed it.”
I blink. Flush deeper. “Guilt. Shame. Those are the feelings I’ve always had about him.”
“Sure,” Greg says softly. “But those are just the most obvious ones, so those are the ones you always focused on. But why would you feel so intensely about it—so much that you preferred not to even think about him—if he didn’t matter to you?”
They’re right. Of course they’re right. And just because I’m trying to be smart and make good, healthy decisions now doesn’t mean I can vanish or file away my own feelings.
Very real feelings.
The way I’ve always felt so attached to Caleb, even back when I was barely twenty-one and actively throwing my life away.
He shouldn’t have mattered so much to me if he was really just a bodyguard in my mind.
“Maybe. But it doesn’t matter,” I mumble.
“What? Why doesn’t it matter?” Brandy sounds utterly outraged. “If you’re into him, maybe?—”
“Maybe nothing. I’m a job to him.” I’m still talking in hushed tones. I doubt our voices will travel all the way back down the hall and through the closed door of the guest room, but I’m not about to take a chance. “I’m a job. He’s obsessive about boundaries. He’ll never think about me that way.”
Even as I say the words, I know they’re not entirely true. He kissed me, after all. It’s been more than a week now since it happened, but it definitely occurred.
