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“Where would he go?” I ask as another wave of guilt hits me. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty for picking college over the band, but the distance I’m feeling from everyone paired with what Brad did makes that hard.
“Mav’s? Maybe,” Cal says, pulling his phone out and texting someone. I’m assuming Kai or Mav.
“Can we go over and see?” I ask while gnawing on my bottom lip.
Cal’s phone pings with a new text. His brows furrow as he reads it. “I know where he is,” is all he says before pulling out of Kai’s driveway and back onto the street.
We drive for fifteen minutes before Cal pulls over onto the side of a back road. I know exactly where we are and my entire body tenses. I can see Kai’s car a little further ahead of us.
“He’s in the woods?” I ask, my voice higher than normal.
“He sits by the river sometimes. Mostly when he wants to talk to Ez. Says he feels closer to him there.” Cal is staring out at the dark sky over the tall trees. “I have a flashlight in the trunk. I’ll walk you over to him so you can talk.”
Cal is out of the car before I can respond. His temper is even, which is strange for Cal. I can’t tell if he’s upset or angry or just worried. Once I see the beam of his flashlight, I get out of the car and silently follow him into the woods.
The leaves on the ground are wet from the rain we had recently. The trees are blocking the wind, but it’s still pretty chilly. It smells like wood and decaying leaves and fresh air. I used to love that smell. Now it’s part of my nightmares.
“He’s right up there,” Cal says, using the flashlight to point. I follow the beam to see the hunched shoulders of a defeated man.
“Kai!” I yell, running to him. I watch as he turns. His eyes are red and puffy in the bright light of Cal’s flashlight. I can see the shock register on his face before he stands and quickly makes his way to me.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbles into my hair after he scoops me into his arms.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I wasn’t thinkingabout how much this would hurt you. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“If you two are good here, I’m going to head home.”
I look over my shoulder at my brother and then back at Kai.
“I’ve got her,” Kai says. Cal nods like he knows.
Kai’s gaze returns to me, and I can see the torment there. The tormentIput there and tears instantly well in my eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” I hiccup.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, mo chridhe,” he says softly. “I love how much you love my brother. I love how much you’re willing to fight for him.”
My feet are still dangling off the ground, so I lift my legs and wrap them around his waist, locking my ankles behind his back. “But I love you so much more.”
Kai smiles sadly and presses a quick kiss to my lips. “I love you too, baby.”
I look around. Kai brought a camping lantern that he has sitting on a rock near the river. I can see the small area it illuminates.
“Cal said you come here to talk to Ezra.”
He nods. “It’s the place I feel closest to him. Probably because it’s the last place I saw him.”
Kai has made no attempt to put me down, both of us trying to stay as close to the other as possible. I tighten my grip on his neck and snuggle in closer.
“I don’t believe he’s dead. There were times when I thought it would be easier to think of him that way, less painful. But I don’t think I ever truly believed he was. I still can’t.” Kai pulls back so that he can see my face. “I’d know if he was dead, wouldn’t I? He’s my identical twin. I’d feel it.”
“I think we would all feel it.”
Kai nods and pulls me into him once more.
“I don’t want to do anything to cause you more pain. We can miss Ezra without kicking over stones and hurting people, without looking for him,” I offer. I can’t tell what Kai is thinking right now. After my talk with Willa, I wish I could go back and stop myself from even suggesting it. But it’s out there and Kai has clearly been thinking it over. I don’t want to do anything to hurt him further.
“I know, but I think I want to try to find him. Maybe hire a better PI that will weed out the false reports before calling me about them.” I nod into his neck, letting him speak. “I need to know what happened to him, Belle. Even if what the police reported was correct and he is dead —”
