AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“If that’s Kai, tell him I’m not here.”
Cal looks over his shoulder as he walks towards the door, giving me the look that says he thinks I’m an idiot.
“Where is that asshole? I’ll kill him. Guitarists are easy to replace!”
I smile when I hear Willa’s voice coming from the front door. Cal must have called in reinforcements. She storms into the room where I’m sitting on the couch and looksaround. Satisfied that she doesn’t have to commit any murders at the moment, her gaze narrows on me.
“What did he do?” she asks as she takes a seat next to me.
I sigh before leaning back to stare at the ceiling, collecting my thoughts.
“It’s more what he won’t do.”
“Anal? Breath play?” she asks with complete seriousness. “Oh! Wax play? You’ve always liked candles.”
“I don’t need to hear any of this,” I hear Cal mutter as he hightails it out of the room.
“It’s not related to sex, Willa,” I tell her, completely ignoring my brother.
I can see her overthinking, so I hold up my hand to stop her before she goes on another tangent.
“I brought up looking for Ezra. It… didn’t go well,” I admit, suddenly feeling guilty. Not for wanting to look for him, I will never apologize for that, but for the way I reacted when Kai pushed back.
Willa sighs and looks at me with disappointment for the first time since we argued over who the best Chris was (Hemsworth, obviously) and she thought it was Pine.
“I told you how hard that was on him, Belle. Why did you think that conversation would go well?”
“Honestly? I just kind of blurted it out. It’s been on my mind for years, and I just… I just want to find him, Willa. I hate that he’s out there somewhere. Alone.” I look up and expect to see sympathy or empathy in my best friend’s eyes, but I see anger instead.
“Belle, you know I love you, I do, but you’re being self-centered,” she states plainly. I open my mouth to argue, but she continues. “You were isolated. You left us and went to school, and honestly, I don’t hold that against you.” I give her a look that says I don’t believe her, but she smiles slightly and says, “I don’t.”
“Then why are you acting pissed with me right now?”
“You weren’t here, Belle. That was your choice, and I respect that, but you weren’there. You didn’t see what trying to find Ezra did to Kai. You didn’t hear him crying every time he was called with a lead that went nowhere.” Her words hit me like a truck and it’s suddenly difficult to breathe. “You weren’t the one pulling him out of bars as he tried to numb the pain or try to find the right words to reassure him that his life wasn’t over. That was us.”
Hot tears fall down my cheeks, and I do nothing to stop them or wipe them away. She’s right. I wasn’t thinking about how any of this would affect Kai. I was only thinking of the guilt I was feeling from being away for so long.
“We all love and miss Ezra. But we decided years ago that we won’t sacrifice Kai, hoping Ezra might be alive. Otherwise, we risk losing them both.”
I sit with that for a moment, and Willa lets me, keeping quiet by my side. I love Ezra as much as I love Cal, but Kai… Kai holds a part of my soul. Even now, not being in the same room as him, feeling his warm gaze on me or the heat of his touch, makes me feel empty.
“So I just let Ezra go?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper.
“No. You hold him in your heart, and maybe one day he’ll come back. Or maybe Kai will find the strength to look again, but you can’t force it. Promise meyou won’t force him.” Willa’s voice has lost its anger, but the sternness is still there.
“I promise. I never meant to hurt him.”
“I know. I’m sure he knows that too,” she says before squeezing my hand.
“I need to go back. I can’t leave him like I did,” I say, shooting up from my seat.
“I’ll drive you!” I hear Cal shout from where he was clearly eavesdropping.
I roll my eyes. I have my car here still. The one time I tried to drive myself to pick up a coffee, Cal followed me there and back. I went through a drive through. I didn’t even get out of the car. It’s not worth the argument anymore. I haven’t heard a peep from Brad since we’ve been back. I can’t decide if that’s good or bad. The hovering my brother is doing is grating on me, though.
I hug Willa quickly and follow Cal out the door to his car.
“He’s definitely not here,” Cal states like I couldn’t tell from the dark house and missing car.
