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“Don’t stop,” she pleaded, as if she had any control. She had no control. She was completely at his mercy, and he could go on forever and ever until she drifted into a final, dreamless sleep. The thought of him drinking her to completion and leaving her empty on the bed was so satisfying a thought that she almost welcomed it.
No, no, noandyes, yes, yesspinning around each other, begging for more, begging for it to stop.
She ran her fingers through his fine, silky hair, and encouraged him, even as her heart fluttered, her body showing its first signs of weakening.
He made a growling noise as he pulled himself away and stood over her. She looked up at him with glassy eyes, her lips parted, and wanted nothing. She was blank.
But he wanted more. He reached down and undid his pants with deft, elegant fingers. She watched with unfocused eyes, vaguely aware of what he was about to do, as he pulled his cock from his pants, handling it briefly while opening her legs. He then put one hand on her shoulder to steady her and, with the other, pressed himself inside of her. She felt some awareness re-enter her along with Ansel.
He was not gentle, and he did not whisper sweet words of encouragement or comfort into her ear like she imagined he might when he took her virginity. This was not going to be that sort of encounter. He fucked her, one of his hands working her as he did it, until she was swimming, undulating, trembling with need for release, begging for it.
“Is this what you wanted?” he asked in his deep, ragged voice, and she saw that his teeth were gleaming, that blood was smeared on his lower lip and chin. He reached down and heldher around the waist, then, both his hands viciously tight, and took her violently, savagely.
She nodded as much as she could, rocking up and down the way she was.
It was exactly what she had wanted.
Maybe he hated her now, but she would think about that tomorrow. Now she was getting the thing she had wanted from him. It wasn’t sex, though she’d wanted that too. What she had wanted most was to know she could make him lose control. She could. He had.
He came with a roar, bending over her, growling into her neck, holding her wrists down against the bed. He pressed his mouth to her neck and, though he teased the possibility, never punctured her. His hands were as cold as they were strong, and when he let go, she realized she could feel the pulse of blood flowing back into her own smaller, weaker hands.
Then he staggered back, looking at her. He gathered himself, his breath finally slowing, tugging on and buttoning his pants. Half dressed again, he turned back to the window as though trying to maintain his dignity. There was a sadness, a pain that he seemed to be wrestling with.
“Are you ok?” she asked him nervously, sitting up.
“I’m fine, Saber,” he said. “Did you get what you wanted from me?”
She stared at him.
“I’m in love with you,” she said, her breath catching.
He turned to her, eyes aglow, as bright as she’d ever seen them.
“You have no idea what those words mean,” he spat at her, vicious. “Now, go. I don’t think I want to see you again for a very long time.”
27
January
Winter break had been the longest ten days of Saber’s life.
Lozen went with her mom to visit her family off the island. Elijah flew home to California. Doug went to stay with his daughter in Seattle. Mia, fittingly, was MIA, without explanation. Saber, alone with her dad and fearing for her life, was anxious, jumpy, and dying of shame, regret, and longing.
She had no problem, now, believing that people could get addicted to vampires. The memory of Ansel pressing his teeth into her, even the horrible fear and the terrible tearing sound when her flesh gave, all of it made Saber feel lightheaded.
Her dad had noticed that she hadn’t been herself, and there had been moments when she almost broke down and told him everything.
Dad, your boss is a vampire and I fucked him, but now he’s mad at me, and also I killed another vampire, and it’s all really stressing me out!
She imagined how that would go, and wondered if there was even a one-in-a-hundred chance he would believe her.
No, she thought, he’d have her committed.
They spent the New Year on the couch, her dad with his work laptop open, Saber with a sketchbook, watching the balldrop in New York, three thousand miles away. She had always thought of the ball dropping as the beginning of the new year, the universal midnight. On the West Coast, it was only nine p.m.
“Do you want to wait for therealNew Year?” her dad asked.
Saber only laughed.
