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A part of me agreed with them.
“I thought so,” he said, but there wasn’t any bite in his tone, just an easy acceptance, like he understood. “We all have our secrets, Kiara.”
My toes curled in my boots at the way he said my name. Soft and slow and deep.
Realizing I still held onto it, I dropped his hand. He brought it to rest beside his other one on his knee.
It was a miracle I could speak at all when I asked, “Tell me a secret, then. One you can part with.”
Jude considered, dipping his chin and allowing his disheveled hair to tumble back into his eyes. He didn’t look at me as he spoke. “Well, it’s not a secret Ishouldtell you, but I’ve broken all the rules as it is.” Jude gave me a knowing look before he continued and said, “The king wants the Knights to take the recruits into the Mist.Soon.”
My heart stopped. “You can’t be serious? There’s no way any of those boys are ready for that!”
“Andyouare?” A lone raven brow rose in question.
“More so than the rest,” I answered without hesitation, lifting my chin.
Jude continued his unnerving assessment, and I suddenly wished for the ability to read minds, especially his.
The commander was not at all how I expected him to be. Cruel? Inhumane? Ruthless? Yes.
But now, and all the other times fate had brought us together, he was almosttoohuman. And only with me. That was the question I couldn’t seem to find an answer to—what made me so unlike the others?
I didn’t think it had anything to do with me being a girl. From the gossip I’d heard, the Knights got plenty of attention, all adored by Sciona’s ladies and men for their bravery.
My throat constricted at the thought of Jude with another, but I swallowed down the petty jealousy. He could be with anyone he wanted; I had no claim on him.
That thought didn’t help stop the heat from reaching my ears, likely turning them an obscene red. I brushed my hair over them, hiding the evidence.
Jude broke the hush first, his voice turning hard. Grim. “I’m to put together a troop of four recruits,” he said, lifting his eyes to me. Thoughts of Jude with another vanished. “There will be three groups sent out, all entering the Mist at various points from the kingdom’s borders. The king is hoping to speed up the process. To reunite Asidia with its lost sun. Even if that means sending in helpless recruits in order to do so.”
“Why?” What good would poorly trained soldiers do him? Wouldn’t it be best to wait until we’d all completed our training?
“Because time is running out. Apparently our food reserves are running out, and we have mere months before nothing is left.”
“Time has been running out for years,” I argued, subconsciously curving my body toward his, my arm grazing his knee. A bolt of electricity shot through me from the contact. Jude let out a hiss, one so faint I could have imagined it.
“That it has. But the king has been extra…frantic as of late. I imagine he knows more than he lets on,” he ground out, his focus lingering on his knee…where I’d touched him. His jaw clenched. “But don’t worry, I will only bring a handful of those I believe have the best chance at survival.”
His eyes slowly rose to meet mine.
“So you admit it?” I embraced the adrenaline flourishing in my chest. “I am the best recruit.” While I hoped for humor to grace my tone, my voice came out all breathy and unrecognizable. I cursed all the gods for it.
“The moment I saw you in that poor excuse for a square—” I opened my mouth to defend my village when his barbed glare shut me up. He continued. “The second you leapt in without hesitation to protect your brother, someone who wouldn’t have had a chance in such a fight, I knew. Adam was twice your size, and you didn’t care. You didn’t stop and think about it. You acted.” Jude peered off into the shadows. “There was no fear on your face. Only… hunger.”
Hunger for the battle. The adrenaline. The victory.
I gulped, suddenly feeling raw. Vulnerable.
And yet, while I would have bristled at such words and deflected in the past, now my silence admitted what my mouth could not. He was right.
“I recognized something in you that day. And the Knights need someone with that hunger to fight what prowls beyond. Believe me, I would know.”
I couldn’t hold myself back anymore. I suddenly felt too exposed, and my selfish mind demanded payment in return.
“Will you ever tell me about what happened out there a year ago?” My voice was a whisper of a thing, barely audible to my own ears.
Jude returned that calculating stare to my face, my eyes, my mouth, seeming to inhale each quivering exhale from my lips. That same rawness I’d felt moments before doubled until each inhale burned.
