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My hand trembled as it made its way to her cheek, my own rules to drive her away forgotten. They seemed so trivial now that we’d almost died.
“You’re magnificent, Kiara,” I murmured. “All of you.” I stared at her fists, at her right hand. She tracked the movement.
“Don’t go all sappy on me now, commander.” She sniffled, attempting a half smile, even as she shoved her hand into her pocket.
Still, it felt like acceptance, like she knew what I’d seen and that I hadn’t turned away.
I moved closer, and at this point I was nearly flush against her. Kiara’s hands instinctively went to rest on my hips.
“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” I said, shame eating at me as I remembered how I kicked her.
She blew out a breath. “You didn’t hurt me. My uncle trained me to make sure that no punch or kick or weapon could wound me, not where it matters.”
Her eyes shone, the clouds within them dispersing. I understood exactly what she meant. “Either way, Iamsorry.” Gods, was I sorry, even if I’d been but a puppet, my strings pulled by some invisible master.
“I told you, Jude,” she said, casting a crestfallen look to where her friends surrounded Nic’s body, Patrick holding Jake in a tight hug. “It’s this place; it’s the poison in the air that’s at fault.Youwould never hurt me.”
I wouldn’t. But I had hurt others.
“I’ve taken more lives than I ever wish to count. You have no idea what I’ve done—”
“All I care about is what you do now,” she said, steeling her spine.
Gone was the raw vulnerability, the trembling girl who’d melted in my embrace. Still, she was unable to stop her lower lip from quivering, and I lifted my arm, brushing my thumb across the fullness of her mouth. I wasn’t thinking straight, my eyes fixated on the soft skin I caressed.
Kiara sucked in a strangled breath, turning to where Nic’s lifeless body lay surrounded by his friends. It jolted me back to my damned senses, and I dropped my hand and released her entirely. Nic had died, and here I was thinking about how I wanted to hold her.
I had known I was a twisted bastard, but that shocked even me.
“We should check on the others, then make camp and bury Nic,” I forced out, hating myself and the coldness of my tone.
Her face contorted with grief. “He didn’t deserve that,” she murmured. “Nic had a whole life ahead of him, and he was so damned witty and smart and sonotfunny that he actuallywasfunny.”
Kiara’s throat worked as she swallowed her tears. “He was my friend.” The last part she said in a whisper, eyes downcast so I couldn’t see.
“He didn’t deserve it.” There was nothing else I could think of to say.
Isiah and I had lost so many of our brothers that it had become normal. We grieved behind closed doors and spoke to no one of our sorrows. Kiara hadn’t yet been infected with our apathy. I didn’t want her to be.
Just when I thought this world to be cruel, it went ahead and proved it could get so much worse. And now I had to dig a hole for a boy who would never see the sun we fought to restore.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Kiara
I miss your stubborn face more and more as the days progress. I find it ironic that only after you left me did I realize just how much I needed you. I think you’ve always claimed you were hard to love, but really, you just saw the best in everyone else and the worst in yourself.
Unmailed letter from Liam Frey to his sister, Kiara Frey,
year 50 of the curse
We buried Nic beneath the brittle blue and white branches of the tree where he’d taken his life.
Jude dropped to his knees as we all watched, the commander’s head bent to the gray soil as his hands began to claw at the dirt. Mud and blood stained his long fingers, the earth trapped beneath his nails. But he didn’t stop his methodical movements, and one by one, the others followed. I, too, started to dig.
Jake remained frozen on the dewy ground, his lean arms wrapped around Nic, his blue eyes a shade of steel and hopelessness.
It took an hour before the hole was deep enough, every recruit coated in the dust of the earth. When the time came for Jake to release his friend, it took both Jude and Isiah to pry him off Nic’s lifeless body.
