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"What the fuck, Zek? Why did you say that up there?"
"You know exactly fucking why," Ezekiel growls. "I don't know why you even asked about feelings as if they are an option."
His words hurt much more than they have a right to.
"That was a totally different situation. You're going to let that—"
"What?" Ezekiel cuts him off. "Teach me a fucking lesson? Yeah, I am, and so should you. Fucking let it go, Jer."
"You don't have to hurt Lexa to avoid being hurt. That's all I'm saying."
But his voice is much more subdued, like what Ezekiel said has hit the chord it was supposed to. Whatever skeleton they're talking about is a deep and hurtful one. And I have no business listening to them talk about it. I damn sure wouldn't want them listening to me talk about my mother being the reason my heart is barricaded like a damn fortress. So, I quietly go back upstairs and into the bedroom, closing the door behind me. I lay down again, and this time my heart feels just as heavy as my mind.
Chapter 6
A soft knock comes at the door in the morning, and this time, I don't pretend to be sleeping. In fact, I barely slept at all, Jeremiah and Ezekiel's conversation replaying in my head over and over. And right along with that were my own thoughts, my own doubts, my own warnings. It was dumb of me to stay, but I'm damn sure going to get my breakfast before I leave.
"Come in," I say loudly.
Ezekiel opens the door, a glass of orange juice and a paper bag in one hand, and Jeremiah comes through it, carrying a plate. I smile at the smell and sight of the pancakes and bacon.
"I might stay again if I get such good room service."
I could slap myself. I literally spent about half the night reminding myself to stop saying stuff like that, and it's the very first thing that comes out of my mouth when I see them. I don't feel like I know who I am when I'm with them, and maybe that's what scares me most of all. I saw my mother lose herself to and for too many men in my life to ever be okay with losing any of myself.
"First thing in the morning, Lexa?" Ezekiel says. "At least eat breakfast before your mind begins running in circles."
I almost snap back that he's half the reason it's running at all, but I give him a scathing look instead as they reach me. Jeremiah places the plate on my lap and Ezekiel sits at my feet, holding my glass, I guess, until I'm ready for it. Jeremiah walks around the bed, sitting beside me. It is awkward as hell, but I'm not sure if it's just me.
"Any plans for today?" Jeremiah asks.
"Meeting up with Soph and Char for lunch. You guys?"
"Going to spend the day with our mother," Ezekiel says.
I smile. "Does she rope you into her hobbies? Because I can just picture the two of you posing for endless photos."
Jeremiah chuckles. "I think we’ve taken at least a hundred pictures with the sun setting behind us or something at this point."
"Will you take a picture of some and send them to me?"
Too close. That's getting too close.But before I can take my words back, Jeremiah nods, while Ezekiel tells me to take my first bite. I cut off a piece of pancake and bring it to my mouth. My eyes are closing as soon as the taste floods my tongue.
"This is so freaking good," I compliment. "I might have to plan a cook off between you guys and Jackson."
"It would not be the first." Ezekiel laughs.
My eyebrows shoot up. "And who won?"
"Jackson, of course," Jeremiah says. "But that doesn't stop him from challenging us again and again. Our mother made sure we were in the kitchen as soon as we could reach the counters. She's very big on being independent."
"I like her more and more. Why...Nevermind."
"What? Go on," Jeremiah encourages.
"Why did she and your father divorce?"
I'm worried it'll be too touchy of a subject, but Jeremiah and Ezekiel look at each other and burst into laughter.
