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Veronica comes back in with a hair cap, and then everything just moves so quickly. After I send the text, I grab Charlotte's hand again. Except when we need to separate, I hold it the entire time, gripping it tighter when I feel her begin to tremble. I hold it to my chest then.
"Do you feel my heart beating?" I ask, my voice low, as the room fills with more and more people.
"Yes." She nods, worry in her eyes.
"Remember when we were little and we used to lay beside each other until our hearts beat the same rhythm?" She nods again. "I can't lay beside you now, but maybe it will still work."
She nods again, pressing her hand harder to my chest as she releases a long breath. We're silent then, her hand against my heart that would utterly shatter if anything happens to her. My eyes watch the people in the room. It's how I see Veronica give me a look that tells me it's time.
"Alright, big sis," I say hoarsely. "Time to get a brand-new kidney."
"Now or never, huh?" She weakly chuckles.
"Alright." Veronica comes over. "Dr. Braun is in the operating room. The kidney is less than ten minutes out. It's time to go. Sophie, you can come with us to the operating ward, and then there's a waiting room for you to stay in."
I nod and Veronica tucks Charlotte's sheets under her body to raise the bars on the bed. Then we're moving, out of the room, into the elevator, down to the fourth floor. Nurses in hair caps are waiting when the doors open, and they rush Charlotte down the hallway with much more urgency than we had on the way here. It makes me worry a little more, but maybe the kidney has arrived, and the clock is ticking now.
"This is where you have to say your goodbyes," one of the nurses says.
I lean over and kiss Charlotte's cheek. "I will see you when you get out." I wipe the tear that leaks from her eye before saying, "I love you."
"I love you."
They go through the doors, and I stand there, watching my sister strain to sit up and look at me before the doors close. A cry bursts out of me, then I jump when a hand comes to my shoulder. I didn't even realize anyone was still standing on this side of the doors with me.
"I'm sorry." The nurse chuckles. "I'll show you to the waiting room."
I nod and she leads me down a short hallway. The room is empty and small, a TV mounted on the wall, chairs facing it, with their backs to the door.
"There's coffee already made," she says. "Some snacks and a vending machine are just past the bathrooms."
"Thank you."
"Of course. The doctor will be here as soon as he can."
I sit, looking at the clock. Eight forty-seven. How long will it be before the doctor comes in here? My eyes are on the TV, but not paying it any attention. I only look at it to keep myself from looking at the clock every few minutes. And then, I feel it. I feel him.
I sit straighter, my back going rigid knowing his presence is filling this room. How dare he come here? How dare he intrude on a moment like this? To what? Persuade me it was okay that he lied? Try to make me see things from his point of view again. He sits in the chair next to me, and I curse myself for choosing to sit in this chair, with two cushions and nothing between them, so that now his thigh is pressed against mine, his arm brushing into mine with his every breath. We sit beside each other silently. I refuse to look at him. Knowing I would lose my battle with my tears if I did. And he doesn't deserve to see me cry. And those tears wouldn't all be from pain. Some would be because of the utter relief I feel at him being here right now, and how much I hate that I feel it. Some of it would be because of the comfort him being so close is bringing me. I hate it and I love it. I hate him and I love him.
"I'm not here for us, for you and me," his deep voice says. "I'm here for you. Only you. I couldn't let you think you were alone.Not right now. You don't have to say a single word to me or even look my way, but just know I'm here."
His hand sits on his knee, turned upward, waiting, but without any expectations. I stare at it out the corner of my eye as a war goes on inside of me. But, in the end, I reach for his hand, link my fingers with his, and take what I need from him when he tightens his hand around mine.
He never moves, he never leaves, he never speaks again. Not in the hours that we sit there. But he's listening, he's watching. I can tell. From the way his thumb strokes across the back of my hand when I nervously swallow after my eyes inevitably drift to the clock once more. From the way he leans a little more into me when I release a shuddering breath. And when I let my head drop forward, closing my eyes to block out all the thoughts and worries overwhelming me, his fingers are there, moving my hair behind my ear.
Finally, I hear a throat clear behind me, and I quickly look over my shoulder to see Dr. Braun standing there. He looks at Law, and I see his eyes widen in both shock and confusion, and it's like a dagger to my heart, a cruel reminder that the doctor is looking at the man who owns this hospital, and never told me a thing. Putting that aside, I hurry to stand, letting go of Law's hand. But I see Law stand up too, his presence right at my back, supporting me even if I don't want to need it.
"Everything went great," he says, and I have to put my hand to the chair to remain upright.
"She's okay?" I hoarsely ask.
Law's hand comes atop mine, the warmth of it bleeding way too deeply into me.
"She's perfect. They're moving her to recovery now, and a nurse will come get you when she's beginning to come around. There'sstill a long road, but this was the biggest part of the journey, and she's made it out just fine."
"Thank you so much, Dr. Braun."
"It is truly my pleasure."
