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“Damn,” he curses. “And here I thought you were going to be walking around our place naked.”
I laugh, leaning into his touch and closing my eyes as I forget some of the stress of the day. “You would like that.” I don’t know how he does that. Make the situation seem not so bad. Find something to laugh about when my life is quite literally in tatters at our feet.
“Is there anything else you want to grab?” he asks and I sigh, opening my eyes to look around.
I have a small bag full of my toiletries and make up that thankfully wasn’t destroyed and the laundry basket of clean laundry and that’s it. In comparison to Isla’s bags and suitcases, it looks even more pitiful. “There’s nothing left,” I whisper. Even Potato’s bed was shredded, his litter dumped in the bathtub, and his food poured over the kitchen floor. Baylor already assured me he had everything Potato would need.
Isla and I agreed it was hard to tell if there was anything missing but nothing obvious seemed to be. All except the one thing I had that I really treasured. The one thing that was worth any money in my room. The one thing in this whole horrid affair that nearly brought me to tears. My mother’s jewelry box. The thought of never seeing it again nearly tears my soul in half. ButI can’t break down. Not yet. Not here. Not in front of anyone. I told Derek when no one else was around. I don’t want them to worry even more than they already are.
Baylor doesn’t push. It’s something I like about him. He knows when to back off. When to just give me space. He makes it easy to be around him. Without any expectations or stress. He picks up Potato from the feathers on my bed and hands him to me. His soft fur under my fingertips soothes me as I cuddle him to my chest.
Baylor grabs the bag from my hand and tosses it into the laundry basket before picking it up and leading me back into the living room. Wells has already made a couple trips down to the truck with Isla’s stuff and all she has with her now is her computer bag and a suitcase.
“That’s all?” she asks in a small and broken voice when she sees what Baylor is carrying.
I smile, but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes. “It’s enough.” It has to be. There’s no money to replace everything. Not without telling my grandma and cutting back on the bills I pay for them. That’s something I won’t consider and Isla knows better than to ask me to. I have enough for school. I’ll have to buy a few essentials for work. Those outfits seemed to take the brunt of the anger, reinforcing my thought it’s some dick I pissed off at Tease. But I’ll be able to use my tip money from last week to replace that stuff.
She clears her throat, wiping the pity from her expression. She knows better than anyone that I don’t need it. I’ve picked myself up from worse. I always figure it out. “None of the food was worth taking,” she says instead. “A lot from the living room is okay, but Wells said we didn’t need anything,” she pauses. “Unless there’s anything you want?”
I shake my head. It’s not like either one of us are emotionally attached to anything in the living room. It was mostly randomthings we’ve thrifted over the years of us being friends. They have memories but none that we need to carry into our temporary home. “We can always come back and grab things if we realize we need something.” I huff a laugh. “We’ll have to come back and clean anyway.” We got some of the mess cleaned, but after the cops left and released the scene to us, we focused on grabbing what we could.
A yawn stretches across my face, breaking my train of thought. Wells walks back into the apartment looking at us. “Ready?” he asks, grabbing Isla’s last suitcase.
“Let’s go,” Baylor answers, wrapping his arm over my shoulders and leading me out. We leave without looking back.
It’s after 3 in the morning when we finally get settled into the hockey house, but all I can think about is showering before crawling into bed. I say goodnight to everyone and slip into the bathroom, wishing it was an en suite like my own.
As the hot water pours over my tired and sore body, I finally drop the mask I’ve been wearing. The emotions battering against me spill free as tears stream down my cheeks, mixing with the water until I can pretend the tears never happened. Sobs wrack my body as I do my best to stay quiet as I mourn everything I lost today, and most especially the last threads I had to my mom.
I barely remember her, only flashes of memories here and there. The sound of her laugh, the blue of her eyes, the smell of medicine, and the white walls of her hospital room. I remember warmth, and fear of leaving her arms, but nothing really tangible. No full memories. Can’t remember her singing me lullabies or tucking me into bed at night.
At the bottom of the jewelry box was a letter she wrote to me. Long swoops of cursive that told me how much she loved and cherished me. How she was proud of me and knew how strong I was. How beautiful I would grow up to be, inside and out. On the hard days, when the days were longer and the weeks felt neverending, when my body and mind felt like they were at the end of the rope, I’d pull that letter out and read it until the words blurred together. It carried me through the hardest days since she’s been gone.
Even worse, there were unopened letters to both Kanyon and Rayne, meant to be given to them on the day of their graduations. I’ve lost the last piece that not only I had, but what they could have too. Without them ever knowing.
Cold air hits me at almost the same moment arms band around me. It isn’t until I’m being lifted in the air that I even realize I was curled in the fetal position at the bottom of the shower floor.
“I’m fine,” I say, trying and failing to wipe the water off my face.
Baylor turns off the water and wraps a towel around me. “I’m not asking, Tor,” he says softly. “You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong and I’ll pretend your face is only wet from the shower,” he continues in a soothing voice, drying me off and wringing the water from my hair. “You are just as strong and kickass as you ever are, but I’m not leaving you alone. Not tonight. Please don’t ask me to.”
His near silent beg is what breaks me. I don’t have the strength anymore to resist the comfort of not being so alone. I nod, and tuck my face into the crook of his neck. The tears stream down my face and stain his skin, but the sobs subside and my body relaxes into his. He carries me out of the bathroom, turning off the light behind us. The darkness encompasses us, making me feel even safer in his arms as I let go of everything I’ve held back for not only tonight, but the entire semester.
His head slightly shakes just before he pushes the door open to his room. I hadn’t realized it was right next to the bathroom. No wonder he came in to check in on me. It was probablyimpossible for him to miss the sobs that I couldn’t manage to stifle.
“I’ve got you, Torryn,” Baylor whispers. He pulls one of his shirts over my head and helps me push my arms through the arm holes and then tucks me into his bed. I should protest. I should go back to my room. I shouldn’t let myself lean on him like this. But I’m so tired. “I’m still not asking, but that doesn’t mean I’m not here,” he reassures me.
Baylor crawls into bed with me and I let myself be weak. My body melts into his and I fit perfectly against him. Sleep takes me before the tears even dry on my cheeks.
My dreams bring fragments of thoughts and feelings that don’t fit together quite right. The message written on the mirror popping up along with lines from the other notes. A voice yelling them at me while someone else cries. Baylor covering my ears and hiding me in his truck. Someone calling me a good girl and the cries getting louder. Another scream that comes from down a long hallway. Glass shattering and a disembodied voice whispering in my ear.
Waking up doesn’t bring me the strength and restfulness I had hoped it would. Checking the time I realize I’ve slept far past when I normally would. I curse and sit up quickly, disoriented as I look around and don’t recognize where I am.
“Nope,” a growly timbre says behind me. I squeak as arms pull me back and I flop back into bed, Baylor’s arms wrap around me and he snuggles into my side. “Go back to sleep, Tor. It's too early.”
I smack his hand where it’s wrapped around my waist but he only tightens his hold. “It’s after eight,” I scold.
He groans, rubbing his nose in my hair. “And we didn’t go to bed until like 4. Go back to sleep, maybe you’ll wake up less cranky.”
