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I grinned at the bold claim, but something in her eyes told me she meant every word. “I need to be the one to tell him.” I stood and made my way to the door.
Abigail would be expecting us to come outside soon, and she’d come looking for us if we were gone too long. I caught a glimpse of her as she jumped off the swing and landed on her feet with her arms stretched over her head. No fear. No doubt. She believed she could and so she did.
“When are you getting the paternity test done?” Mom asked. The easy atmosphere in the kitchen tightened into a stranglehold.
I folded my arms tight over my stomach and hugged my elbows close to my ribs. “Soon.” Zachary would not be put off for long. I was sure that if I tried to deny him, he’d get the courtsinvolved. I’d seen how he reacted to the news last night. He’d looked at Abigail like his entire world revolved around her. He would not sit around and let this go. Which brought up another question. Did I tell Dad about the possibility of Zachary being Abigail’s father, or did I wait until I had confirmation?
24
LUCY
The rest of the weekend passed in a blur, with Monday morning arriving before I was ready. I didn’t let that stop me from sending Abigail to school and making my way to the rink, though I did purposefully arrive late so that I wouldn’t run into Zachary on my way to my office.
I was a coward for avoiding him, I realized as I jogged down the empty corridor and rushed into my office.
We needed to talk in person and in private. Neither of those things were possible until he finished practice. It wasn’t fair of me to put him off this long and make him suffer through the weekend, but that was the decision I’d made when we parted ways Friday night after the gala.
I paced my office and waited. I cleaned and waited some more. My face heated every time I looked at the exam table and remembered what I’d done on it with Zachary and later with Lennox. I thought of them every time I stepped foot inside the room. Their presence was too much to ignore, even though I hadn’t seen them in days. The softly colored walls and bright pictures didn’t ease me today. If anything, being in theroom heightened my senses and made everything feel ten times stronger.
I should have been upstairs watching their practice, but I hid and made Zachary come to me. Coward. The word banged around in my head as an hour passed. Then another. I might advocate for women’s rights, but when it came to the thing I wanted, I hid from it and tried to push it away.
Finally, the door creaked open and Zachary poked his head inside. His eyes found mine. I waited for the anger, the resentment, the horror to flare in his dark irises. Instead, I found a kind of acceptance that turned my bones to mush. “Well?” He stepped inside and closed the door, then leaned his back on the frame and crossed his arms.
Well. My breath rushed out, and I closed my eyes long enough to gather my nerve. “You’re right. We should do the paternity test.” I held up a hand, silently asking him to wait. “I don’t want to tell Abigail what it’s about until we know for sure.”
“I’m her father, Lucy.” His hands flexed, the fingertips digging into his powerful biceps. He’d removed his pads and stood there in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt that stretched across his taut chest. He’d taken the time to shower before coming to see me, and the smell of his soap and cologne mixed in my nose.
I wanted to bury my head in his chest and let him tell me that everything would be okay. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I’d made it this long without him, I would make it through this too.
“Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.” I took a step away from him before my body betrayed me and I leaned in. “I know it’s not fair for me to ask that, but I need you to keep it quiet. Talk to Abigail if you want. I’d encourage it, even. But don’t tell her you’re her father.” Especially if he didn’t plan on sticking around. I hoped and prayed he would. He seemed like the kind of guy who took that stuff seriously. I wouldn’t let him within five miles of her if I thought he’d break her heart.
A bead of sweat trickled down my spine despite the coolness in the room. Nervous energy zipped along my spine until he nodded, his expression tight.
“What about your dad?” He angled his head toward the door. “What will you tell him?”
“Nothing yet.” I’d come to that conclusion quickly after leaving Mom on Saturday. There was no point in talking to anyone else until we knew for sure. “I want to keep it between us until the results come back. Then…” I shrugged. Then we’d figure out what happened next. I’d be devastated if the test came back with a negative result.
From the look on Zachary’s face, so would he. “I don’t care what the test says.” He pushed off from the door and moved toward me. His steps were powerful but graceful. The look in his eyes curled my toes as he closed the distance. “He’ll have to deal with it sooner or later. We all will.” He brushed a strand of hair from my cheek, sweeping it over my shoulder.
“If the test confirms that you’re Abigail’s father, we’ll sit down and talk to her. You, me, and Abigail. Then we’ll talk to my dad. I don’t want her around for that conversation.” He’d be pissed, and I didn’t want Abigail to see that. He’d never intentionally hurt her, but Dad had a tendency to talk first and remember that words hurt later.
“When can we get the test done?” He stayed close enough that I saw disappointment flare in his eyes when I moved out of reach.
I had to. If I stayed there, I’d end up in his arms again. And that would turn into us having sex. I needed my mind clear today. Zachary muddled my thoughts and made me dream of a future where I could have it all. In his eyes, I saw all of us living a life together, with me working the job I loved, advocating for women’s rights in sports, raising my daughter, and having three men warm my bed at night.
It wasn’t possible. It was a dream, a cruel trick the universe had decided to play on me. It would all come crashing down sooner or later. I should get out now before things fell apart. We’d been lucky so far, but the longer we skated on this rink, the thinner the ice. One day—probably soon—we’d all fall through.
I lifted a hand to my heated cheek and pressed my cold palm there to ease the burn caused by Zachary’s presence. “This afternoon. After I pick up Abigail from school. I’ve made an appointment at the clinic Lennox recommended.” I met his gaze and took a cleansing breath. “I’m not sure if we should all go together. Abigail will have more questions if she sees you there.”
“Lucy.” He said my name like it was a prayer, like I was the one thing he needed in this world.
I couldn’t let that sway me. I had to think about Abigail and what was best for her. “You can meet us there.” That was all I was willing to give. “I can’t risk this breaking her heart, Zachary. She’s wanted a daddy for so long. You have no idea what it means to her. I can’t risk this all being a pipe dream.”
His jaw hardened, a muscle ticking in his temple even as he nodded. “It doesn’t matter to me what the test shows.”
“What do you mean?” Confusion warred with the hope I’d tried so hard to bury.
His smile slipped out, a warm caress in the coldness. “I don’t care what the test says. I still want to be in a relationship with you. I’d like proof that I’m Abigail’s father, but I don’t need it to know that I’d love her like my own.”
