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I shake my head. If I eat, I’ll only vomit it right back up.
“Ari—”
But I’m already walking away.
I mope around the house all day hoping that Kieran will show up and tell me he’s made a mistake. Hell, I’d even be happy if he said he found someone for me to marry. No, that’s not true. I won’t be happy when that day comes, but at least I’ll finally be able to get closure with Kieran. He doesn’t show up, though. Not for lunch. Not for dinner. Not when the sun sets and my breath fogs against the window in his study as I look out.
Sighing, I turn and bump into the corner of the desk. Something rattles inside. I know I shouldn’t, but I open the top drawer. It’s unlocked, which is surprising. Kieran must have forgotten to lock it. There’s not much inside, but my gaze lands on a gun. I should close the drawer right now and get out of here before I’m caught.
I should do a lot of things.
Glancing over my shoulder, I make sure no one is coming before I lift the gun. It’s heavier than I thought. The cool metal makes me feel strange inside. I don’t know how to explain it. My father never wanted us to learn how to use a gun. Said he would be the one to protect us. I huff out a laugh as I turn my wrist, feeling the weight. If I was smart, I would have gone behind his back and learned. It might have saved me when he sold me to Max.
Kieran’s voice carries from down the hall, startling me. I’m still so freaking hurt by what he said to me last night. I bared my soul, and he said I was just a silly girl who didn’t know any better. That what I felt wasn’t real. Closing my eyes, I try to ignore the pain in my chest. Instead, I let my mind wander. If I knew how to use this gun, there are a lot of things I could do. I run through a list, visualizing each one. I could have shot Max the moment he said he was going to take me.Bang. I could protect myself from anyone who tried to hurt me.Bang. I could point this gun at my head and pull the trigger, ending the pain that I feel.Bang.
My eyes open. It should scare me how easily I picture it. It should terrify me that the thought gives me so much relief. I lift the gun, meeting my gaze in the mirror. It will be messy, but I guess that won’t be my problem. The barrel touches my temple and I flinch. Not because I’m scared, but because I wonder how I got to this point. I have my whole life ahead of me and it doesn’t even matter. I don’t care. I just want to stop feeling this pain. To stop feeling, period.
“Ari, put down the gun.”
I meet Kieran’s gaze in the mirror. He’s in the doorway, moving toward me slowly, in the way someone might approach a scared animal. Or a pet. Which would be me in this scenario, right?
“Ariel,” he warns again, using the tone of voice that I’ve come to love and hate.
My eyes water. “Why do you care? I’d only be doing both of us a favor.”
“Do you even know how to use it?” He asks in a taunting voice. “And what of your sisters? Are you so ready to send one of them to Erics?”
“You said you would protect them.”
“I also said that you had to fulfill the entire contract.” He smirks at me. “Always read the fine print, pet.”
He reaches me, spinning me so I’m facing him. In a fluid motion, he grabs the barrel of the gun, so it’s no longer pointed at my temple but is now pressed against his chest instead.
“You’re so ready to take a life? Take mine, pet. I’m the one you’re mad at.” His other hand closes around mine. “Pull the trigger and end this.”
I shake my head. No. This isn’t what I want.
“Pull it, Ariel,” he yells.
His tone startles me, and the first tear falls down my cheek.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Oh, but you do. I can see it in your eyes. You’re mad because I don’t want you.”
“I don’t. I just want it to stop hurting here.” I press my free hand on my chest, right over my heart. “So you see, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.”
I let go of the gun, staring up at him. His chest rises and falls as he stares back. I know I’ve crossed a line and there’s no going back. He’s never going to trust me for what I’ve done tonight, and that’s something I’ll have to live with.
“Kieran—”
Cursing, he sets the gun in the drawer, slamming it shut. Before I can tell him how sorry I am, he snakes his arm around my waist, pulling me flush against his body. Both of us are breathing hard as his gaze goes to my mouth. He curses again and slams his lips against mine in a punishing kiss that sends hot swirls to my stomach.
“I don’t want to hear whatever lie you’re going to spew, pet,” he says between kisses. “Did you really think I would let you leave me like that?”
His last words are smothered on my lips as he seeks access to my mouth. The moment our tongues touch, I know I’ll never be the same. I moan into his mouth, which makes him deepen the kiss. His words dance around my mind. Did he say that because he finally realizes that he loves me? Or did he say that because he's trying to placate me?
“Stay in the moment, pet.”
