Page 146 of The Secrets We Keep


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“If he fires you?—”

He cupped my cheek, hesitantly at first, as if he wasn’t sure he was still allowed. “Then, he fires me. I’ll find other work. I’ll sell fucking ice cream. I don’t care, as long as I still have you.”

His eyes rounded, and I knew what he was asking.

Do I still have you?

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.

“How do you tell someone that, Marin? Until tonight, I thought I hadn’t told anyone.” He took a step back, a frustrated hand running through his hair.

“That was not fair of your father.”

“I don’t remember any of it.”

“How did he know all that?” I asked, trying not to sound judgmental. “You spent time together?”

“He—” He let out a frustrated huff. “He’d stop by from time to time over the years. Mostly when he was strapped for cash. He happened to make one of these visits when…”

He didn’t need to finish the sentence.

“Oh God.”

“Pretty much like winning the fucking lottery for him. He not only got to see me at my worst, but he got to cash in on it, too.”

“He bribed you?”

He shrugged. “Empty threats—or so I thought—but at the time, he was the only person around. Some real fucked-up father-son bonding time.” Every word was laced with pain. “When I finally sobered up, I told him we were done. Offered to get him help to get clean, but made it clear I wasn’t giving him any more money.”

“And you don’t remember what you told him?”

“I don’t even remember being conscious half the time.” The devastation on his face…it broke me. “God, Billy.”

“We will take care of Billy. If the town doesn’t support him, they will learn to.”

“Does that mean you’re staying?” His eyes met mine.

“I wasn’t aware I was leaving.”

“You—”

Left.The word hung in the air.

It was why he’d never told me. Why he’d kept that guilt bottled up inside him for so long—because he was terrified I’d blame him for something so completely out of his control.

I just wish he could understand that.

“Did I ever tell you why Daniel was on that ferry?” I asked.

He shook his head, guilt swimming in his eyes.

“My last conversation with him was a fight,” I explained. “I yelled at him. I was angry and so damn lonely. I loved it here, but I hated that he had to sacrifice so much for it.”

I breathed out a shaky breath at the memory.

“My island fantasy wasn’t turning out the way I wanted, and when he called to say he missed his flight and wasn’t going to be home for our anniversary, I lost it.”

“Marin…” His voice was gentle and soothing.

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