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The room closed around me, and the smell of astringent sanitizer and fresh flowers stung my nose, making my eyes water. The pale walls made everything too bright for such a dark situation even though the lights were dimmed in the room. The large window on the side of the room was covered with closed vertical blinds, blocking the world outside. It felt as if it were only me and Tori, the last survivors of two lives that had been chaos and hell for years—from the start for me and from the time I entered her life for her.
I felt Crow’s presence behind me, tall and looming, and I turned to see him standing in the doorway. He was exhausted, still wearing the wrinkled clothes from the day before. I scanned his shirt, my shoulders growing tense when I saw spots of Tori’s blood across the front. Tori had bled out, leaving her essence on anyone who had a hand in trying to save her.
A memory of when we first arrived at the hospital flashed, and I looked down at my hands, remembering how they had been dripping in red. I had washed my hands until they burned, but her blood was still in my cuticles—still on my clothes and shoes.
I clenched my eyes closed, breathing through my nose to calm myself.
“Have you found her?” I asked.
Gracie had disappeared, and no one had been able to find her. Tori needed her. Gracie’s voice would be the one thing to pull her through if she were going to come out of this. If she wasn’t here, then it meant she didn’t know her sister was in the hospital. Otherwise, I knew she would be at Tori’s bedside, holding her hand and begging her to open her eyes.
They were going through a lot at the moment—the shape of their relationship changing with Gracie growing up—but Gracie and Tori were a small family and only had each other. No matter their argument, they would be there for each other. I wouldn’t be joining their small family, but I would take care of my girls once this was over. We had to take it one step at a time. The first step being bringing Tori back from the brink.
Crow shook his head, his somber eyes darkening as they moved over Tori’s motionless form.
“Fuck,” I gritted.
Where could she be?
We needed to find her, and we needed to make sure she was safe. A hell of a riot had burst out at The Strip. People were running and getting trampled. So many things could have happened to her. There was no telling where she was.
The truth was, she shouldn’t have been there in the first place. And honestly, I had been stupid to bring Tori there, too. It was unsafe. My life was dangerous. It was no wonder Skull kept Everly away from our shit. He loved her, and you didn’t put the people you loved before a runaway train.
Being around bikers and gangsters wasn’t safe. If I had kept myself away from Tori from the start, she wouldn’t be lying in a hospital bed fighting to live. But I was so weak for her. I knew it was wrong, but I kept pushing into her life—trying to get close to her. Thanks to me, her life had been ruined, and now she was struggling to live.
If I hadn’t been living the drug-dealing biker lifestyle, there wouldn’t have been any guns in the area. There would have been a fight, and it would have ended. But I was a gangster who hung around other gangsters, which always meant danger. In my heart, I wanted to be done with all the shit. When Tori woke up, I wanted to go straight for her. No more drugs. No more guns. No more danger. For her, I would do anything.
Reality knew better. I had no skills other than racing and dope-slinging. I would never be able to make the kind of money I made doing those things if I took a shitty-paying job. There was no winning in this situation. If I stopped doing what I was doing, I wouldn’t be able to care for Tori, which was happening. If I did, I would be suitable for Tori, but I would never be able to take care of her the way she deserved.
The best I could do was walk away from her—keep her safe and away from my bullshit—while still financially caring for her from afar. She deserved a good life with less struggle, and she deserved to be safe. It would hurt, but it was what I had to do.
“This is my fault.” I dropped my head into my hands and sighed. “If she dies, it’s on me.”
“This isn’t your fault,” Crow said.
I heard his words, but I knew the truth. I might as well have pulled the trigger and shot her myself.
My attention went back to Tori. Her chest rose and fell, the machine breathing for her, inhaling and exhaling. My eyes stayed glued to the monitor, blurry and sleepy. I hadn’t slept. I hadn’t eaten. I hadn’t left her side, and I wouldn’t. No matter how badly my body wanted to give in.
I didn’t know how much time passed, but when I turned toward the window, the sun was blazing in, and Crow was gone. It was as if I was waking and sleeping—I was there, and I wasn’t, and I knew it was because my brain wasn’t dealing with the situation appropriately.
Hospital staff came in and out, checking monitors and IVs and talking to me even though their words weren’t breaking through. I nodded as if I understood them, but nothing made sense around me. There were only the blank walls, a dry-erase board with Tori’s name on top, and Tori. I couldn’t see past those things.
“You look like shit.”
I sat back to see Joker standing in the doorway. He was freshly showered, clothes without a drop of blood on them, and I wondered how much time had passed. The last time I saw him, he had more blood on him than anyone else. He had held Tori in his arms in the back of Stryker’s truck, refusing to let even me touch her.
Sitting and thinking about how he would snap at anyone who came near her like a protective dog warmed my heart. Joker was only loyal to the Sons, but that night, Tori had won his loyalty as well. It was too bad she had almost given her life to do so.
“I feel like shit.” And I did.
“If you don’t eat and hydrate, you’ll be in a bed beside her. Can’t be there for her if you’re dead.”
I nodded.
Joker rarely made sense when he gave advice, but he was right. I needed to eat and drink something—shower her blood from my skin and change my clothes—but I was afraid to leave. What if she woke up and I wasn’t there? What if she left us and I wasn’t there? Too many things could happen, and I didn’t want to risk it.
He moved farther into the room, hovering close to the door.
