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ME: Don’t be cute. Just want to talk. Brent and Elle are out, and I wanted to seize the opportunity.
HAYDEN: Consider me intrigued. I’ll be about an hour.
ME: I’m heading to the gym. I’ll see you later.
I’ve made a decision. I’ve been thinking about it for a week and now is the time to tell Hayden. His words from the other week have been playing in my mind on repeat. I’ve been so selfish with him, taking and taking without giving him anything. It stops today. Today, I want to give. Today, I want to throw caution to the wind and let go of the excuses I’ve made. I’ve had concerns about my relationship with Hayden, ones I haven’t shared with him, but things have changed and now; it’s time.
I spend an hour in the gym in our building, lifting weights and using the equipment to work my core and build my abs. I like to maintain a good physique and I know Hayden appreciates my muscles, as did Elle at one point. I work through a torrent of nerves that I wasn’t expecting. Things are going to change today, and I can only hope it’ll be for the better.
After my workout, there is no sign of Hayden but he is likely in the shower, taking advantage of using his own bathroom as Elle is nowhere to be seen. I take the opportunity to shower myself and mentally prepare for the rest of the day. Changinginto my usual polo shirt and jeans, because I don’t like to have serious conversations in sweatpants, I go searching.
I find Hayden in the kitchen, rummaging through a shopping bag. He’s in grey sweats and a black tank top, and his usually styled-to-within-an-inch-of-its-life hair is product free and falling over his face. Suddenly, conversation isn’t my intent.
“Hey,” he says, without looking up. “I’m cooking, what are you fancying tonight? I thought something with pasta—” He stops when I slide my hand over the back of his neck and pull him to me, taking his lips with mine in a gentle kiss.
“I need you,” I murmur against his lips.
He kisses me before letting me lead him to my room. Once the door clicks closed behind him, I push him against it and pin him with my hips against his. I know he can feel how hard I am when he gives me his wicked, one-sided smile. Sliding my tongue through his parted lips, I kiss him with an urgency that hasn’t been there with us before, not for a long time anyway. He cups my face in his hands and I grip his hips, grinding against him and sucking on his tongue. Something has clicked, a missing piece of the puzzle is now fitting into place and it’s at this moment that I know I want to give him everything—all that I can. I have been holding back, been selfish in our relationship because of my own fucked-up heart. Now is the time to start giving him as much as he gives to me, emotionally and physically. In this particular moment, the physical is most relevant. I push my hand past the waist band of his sweats to find him naked underneath and wrap my hand around his thick cock. He’s hard and hot as I pump him slowly and controlled. I’ve touched him before but only tentatively, now I want to show that there is no hesitation or uncertainty. Pulling my face away so I can look at him as I continue to stoke him, we both take heaving breaths and I lick my lips to savour his taste.
“Shirt off,” I croak.
He smiles again and pulls his tank over his head so I can stare at his pale skin stretched over taut muscle. Hayden has always been slimmer than me, but his muscles are still well defined. I lean in to kiss his collarbone, his peck, his ribs, and then the tattoo over his stomach. I paused for just a second to look up athim, finding him staring down at me with pure lust, before I drop to my knees.
He looks surprised for a brief moment before he closes his eyes and rests his head back on the door. I pull his sweats down and come face-to-face with his erection. I have never gone down on him before, not because I didn’t want to, but because I’ve been scared of my feelings. No more. I take the tip into my mouth and suck gently.
“Fuck, Lance,” Hayden moans.
I run the tip of my tongue over his slit and suck him further into my mouth, his hips jerk forward as he grips the back of my head to keep me where he wants me. I have thought what it would be like to suck cock but I was always too nervous to try. I thought it would be unpleasant or uncomfortable; I was sure I wouldn’t be great at it. But Hayden’s taste is salt and fresh, although the position isn’t exactly comfortable, the need to please him outweighs that. The noises he makes snuff out any doubts I had about my own skills and just spur me to do more for him. I can feel him at the back of my throat and swallow to take him further. He’s pumping his hips in earnest now and grunting his pleasure. I look up to him as he lets his head roll forward to rest his chin on his chest, our eyes meet, something passing between us. He brings his other hand to my face to stroke my cheek and we keep our gazes locked as he comes in thick, hot spurts down my throat. I lick him clean and stand to kiss him again, giving him a taste of himself. I am hard to the point of pain, my dick straining against my jeans, and I can’t think of anything other than what I want next.
“I want to fuck you,” I whisper into his mouth. He opens his eyes to look into mine. This is new, for both of us; a big step. Realisation dawns on me that he might not want it. “If that’s okay?”
“Fuck, yes.” He grabs my face again, kissing me senseless as he walks me backwards to the bed, stepping out of the sweats that are around his ankles. When I feel the bed hit the back of my knees, he tugs my polo shirt up over my head and makes quick work of my belt and jeans, sliding them down my legs. Standing in just my boxers, I slide my hands down his back to squeeze his arse, grinding him into my raging hard on. He pushes me so I fallback to the bed then he leans over me, resting his weight on his forearms to kiss me with languid strokes of his tongue against mine, the desperation we’d felt is gone, replaced by a comfortable intimacy. His lips are soft against mine, and a small moan of pleasure escapes me as he trails down to kiss my chest and abs. “I love your body,” his deep voice vibrates against my skin just above the waistband of my boxers.
“Hayden,” I groan.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers, pulling my underwear down my legs.
There is no teasing when he takes me into his mouth, taking me down to the root and sliding back off with one long, hard suck. I tense every muscle in my body, trying not to shoot my load here and now. I roll us so I’m above him and grip his hip with enough force to flip him to his stomach. With my body aligned with his, I reach to the bedside table and pull out a condom and the lube. I kiss from his shoulder, down his back and to his arse, which I take a bite of. He flinches and lets out a sexy chuckle. Kneeling behind him, I roll the condom on and pull his hips up to meet mine so he’s resting on his forearms with his beautiful behind in the air. I open the lube and drizzle a generous amount between his cheeks. Suddenly, my heart is hammering against my chest, and nerves hit me.
This is further than we’ve been before. Once I breach this line, I officially have sex with men…man, just one. Leaning back over him, I graze his shoulder blades with my teeth and start gently and slowly rubbing his hole. He moans and pushes his hips back into my touch and with that movement, I slide inside. I gently glide my finger in and out of him, prepping him to take all of me. When I feel him relax around me, I add a second and then a third finger, he grunts but is soon rocking back and forth, fucking himself on my hand.
“Oh God, you’re going to feel so good on my cock,” I murmured into his ear.
“Stop talking about it and fuck me already,” he spits through gritted teeth.
I smile against his back and withdraw my fingers. I line myself up against him and with agonising restraint, push my dick into him slowly. He’s tight and feels so good that my grip on hiships turns bruising, with a couple of gentle thrusts, I’m buried to the hilt. I take a moment to appreciate it, seeing Hayden before me, at my mercy and looking at where our bodies connect snaps my self-control. I start pumping my hips hard, the sound of our skin slapping together mixed with our heavy breaths fills the room. He grabs one of my hands from his hip and pulls it round to fist his cock, his hand over mine, guiding me up and down his shaft. I am surrounded by him, consumed by him and my balls tighten.
“I’m going to come,” I pant.
“Yes,” he hisses.
Like getting hit by a freight train, my orgasm happens suddenly, my whole body shudders as I collapse over him. It isn’t until I take my hand back from under him that I realise he’s come too, the evidence coating my fingers.
Panting, Hayden collapses onto his front, and I flop next to him on my back, just to catch my breath. Once I am happier that my heart will slow and my breathing is in fact getting me enough oxygen, I slipped off the bed to dispose of the condom and wash my hands. I take a fresh washcloth back to my lover, climbing back over him and wiping along his sweaty back. When I reach his lower cheeks and gently wipe up the lube still coating him, I feel him tense beneath me.
“Hey, you okay?” I lean over to plant a gentle kiss on each of his shoulders.
He turns his head to rest his cheek on his arm and looks up at me. I expect a cocky grin or a flirtatious comment, but he looks confused. “What are you doing?”
