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My cell fires to life. I see who it is, and for a second, I want to avoid. Which already goes against my new motto: family first.It's Amy. I answer the video call, the smile on my face already dropping when I see that she's been crying. If he's hurt her, it's the last thing he will ever do. So help me, I will kill him. "What's wrong?"
'Dad's dead.'She signs quickly.
I hear the words as if she's spoken them. I don't remember the sound of her voice. But at this moment, I feel like my soul remembers. "When?"
'Early hours this morning. He didn't want us to contact you when we took him to the hospitalbut he's...he's no longer here to stop us... you need to come.'
"No." I shake my head for good measure.
'Mom needs us.'
"No. Mom needsyou."
She's only ever wanted Amy, and Matt.
"Austin?" Sawyer asks.
I shift my focus to my crew. "My dad died."
Several emotions cross their faces. They're aware of my relationship with him, so I understand their muted responses.Had I expected it to eventually happen? Absolutely. The man drank his bodyweight in beer and ate whatever tasted the greasiest. He’d been a ticking timebomb, and it’s exploded, but now we are left to pick up the pieces and that really pisses me off. He would never have done this for me. I don't want anything to do with it.
A tight knot forms in my throat and I quickly swallow, pushing it back into my chest as I hear banging from my cell. Amy, trying to grab my attention.
'You have to come to the funeral.'She signs.
"Amy, I love you, but I'm not going. I can't do that."
'Please.'She begs. Her tears hurt me more than the news of my father dying, but she expects too much from me.
I've never understood why she stood by him, even when he was cruel to her. How could she simply accept those parts of him and still be supportive? For me, it was a two-way street. You got back what you gave out.
'You have to come for me!'
"Don't ask that of me. I've done everything I can for you over the years. This is too much to ask of me, Amy!"
Who was I even saying goodbye to?
The man who'd disowned me all those years ago because he could?
The man who'd made cruel remarks whenever he could just to get a reaction out of me?
He hadn't been my father, even before Matt had died, but his hatred had grown worse the second his golden son had passed away.
He'd blamed me, and I'd allowed him to do that.
Our goodbye had happened many years ago.
And in that goodbye, in this final ending, in the acknowledgement of it, I start to feel peace descend within my body. One I've always craved and hadn’t known. I’m never going to be Matt, but I finally feel like I’m able to embrace Austin and all the hidden parts of myself that Dad had hurt or cast aside. Having no emotions when it comes to my father dying sounds cold, but maybe this is meant to happen at this precise time, for me to finally grow, to finally understand who I am and what I’m destined to do with my life.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE ¦ OFF GRID
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Mia
The lack of texts from Austin concerns me, and pisses me off a little. I’d shared my dad with him and then?bam!? he disappears.
Why does he think this is okay? Is he angry because I haven't told him about the dreams? If this is his response, then I’m seriously questioning if he’s relationship material. Which is a little late now that I’ve fallen in love with the idiot.
