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“Really good. And I think those talents would be wasted here in Horace.”
I shake my head. “But I told you about my medical issues. You know I can’t go back to the city.”
“You said it yourself that you were experiencing the same stress here, right?” Constance shrugs. “It’s not all that different then. And if you want to be closer to your parents and be somewhere that’s more your speed?—”
“Hey, I never said Horace wasn’t my speed, I?—”
“You didn’t have to say it,” she says. “I’m not judging you. We all have places that make us feel free. For some people, that’s the big city.”
“But I didn’t feel free there. It was… it was killing me.”
Constance shuts her eyes. “But Horace was killing you just earlier today. How long are you going to stay here before you need to find a different place that won’t destroy you?”
“That wasn’t—it’s not?—”
“Maybe it’s not the city that’s killing you, Rory. Maybe it’s… maybe it’s the work.”
My heart plummets. I’ve been too scared to consider that before. Because I’ve never been good at anything else. Never taken the chance to find out. But now I’m in my mid-thirties, trying to maintain a life for myself. I can’t just… start again.
“Which means no matter where you go, you’re going to be in pain if you continue.” Her head dips down. “So why would you stick around here if you can be somewhere you feel free?”
I slide my arm around the back of her chair and lean in close. “I’ve got plenty of reasons to stick around.”
She smiles, but all it is is an apology. “Oh no. I won’t be that for anyone, Rory.”
“Why not? You’reamazing, Constance.”
“You’ve known me aweek.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t know that you’re amazing. That doesn’t mean I can’t feel what I feel for you.”
Her mouth drops open.
“Come on, you can’t tell me it’s a one-sided thing. Not after the way you kissed me. Not after…” My insides feel like they might break. “You smile at me, Constance. I know you don’t do that for just anyone. Tell me that doesn’t mean I’m not special to you.”
Constance’s eyes are filling with tears. “Of course you are.”
A brief respite from the pain.
“But I don’t deal with things that are unsure.”
I know other people in the station can see us. Our closeness. But I don’t care. “I’m telling you I’m a sure thing, Constance. I’mtelling youthat?—”
“People aren’t sure things. There are too many variables.”
“Oh come on, don’t do that. The academic thing, it’s—we’re talking about feelings.”
She blinks. A tear rolls down her cheek. “I don’t know how to talk about feelings, Rory. I wouldn’t know the first thing about loving someone or letting them love me.”
“You don’t have to know.”
“But I want to know. Ineedto know,” Constance says.
I wrap my arm around her, draw her in, and though there is a little resistance, she doesn’t pull away. “Fact: you drive me crazy. Fact: I can’t seem to stay away from you. Fact: I don’t want a life without you.”
She doesn’t reply.
“You said you trusted me.”
