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She’s quiet for so long I wonder if it’s the end of our conversation. I don’t know which I’d rather. For her to go upstairs and finally be rid of her presence or for her to stay right here and let me inside her mind a little. We finished dinner an hour ago. There isn’t any real reason for us to both be sitting here other than wanting each other’s company.
“I wanted to tell you I’m sorry,” Winnie finally says. Her tone is so hushed that I almost don’t hear her at all.
Her words have me sitting up and pinning her with a look of uncertainty. “I said you did perfect. There’s nothing to apologize for.”
She shakes her head. “No. Not for that. I’m sorry for dragging you into this with me. If I hadn’t been stupid and?—”
I’m across the room and practically heaving my body against hers in an instant. My fingers press to her mouth, stopping her from saying anything else. “Don’t even think about finishing that fucking sentence,” I hiss, furious she’d even think she had to apologize for this. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Both of our families get something from this deal, Winnie. Don’t make me out to be this white knight who saved you out of the goodness of my heart. That isn’t who I am. I’m not a good man and I came into this deal withveryselfish intentions.”
She blinks, her chest rising and falling in rapid succession. I don’t know if it’s because of our close proximity or because of my deep, angry tone, but something makes herbreaths get heavy.
“Don’t make me out to be a good man. I’ll only disappoint you,” I finish, letting my gaze drop to where my fingers press to her lips. With every single one of her exhales, her chest brushes against my arm and it makes me not want to move at all. I want to stay locked in this position with her, but I know better.
I pull away, sliding down the couch to put distance between us. But I don’t change couches, even though I know I should. “And don’t you ever apologize to me again. You were put in a terrible situation—one that wasn’t your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for, and you’ll just piss me off if you apologize again.Okay?” My voice breaks a little with the last word, and I hate every second of it.
I hate that she gets real, raw emotions out of me. I hate that we’ve barely spent any time together and she’s making me feel things. Albeit, right now, it’s red-hot anger. It’s still something. And I don’t like to feel anything. I much prefer leaving emotions out of everything if possible.
She bolts upstairs without any further explanation as to why she’s leaving, and I’m all too aware of the rush of disappointment I feel because of it.
I despise that the moment I’m left alone downstairs—a place I’ve been alone countless times before—that I miss sharing the same air as her.
CHAPTER 16
WINNIE
EMMA
Can I just say how grateful I am to have rich friends? I can’t wait to party tomorrow night with all of New York’s finest men!
MARGO
I remember our NYU frat parties still being very fun.
EMMA
Gasp! Don’t let Beck read that text. He can’t know you ever had fun before him.
MARGO
Shut up. You know he knows everything. I’ve even let him look at some of our old, drunk college videos.
EMMA
If you showed him the one from Halloween sophomore year I will end our friendship right now.
MARGO
Beck says you made such a greatnaughty nurse!
EMMA
MARGO MORETTI I AM SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW.
My fingers hoverover my keyboard as I think about what to say back to Margo and Emma, but I can’t think of anything. It feels weird to talk about our drunk college days when I’m keeping such a big secret from them.
I got married. And neither one of them was there. I know whenever they find out about the marriage—which they will, and soon—it’ll crush them both to know I didn’t include them.
The guilt eats me alive as I ignore their texts, even though I miss them terribly. Emma’s already onto me. She’s called three times this morning, and I’ve ignored every single one of them. Emma’s persistent. It wouldn’t shock me if soon she showed up on my apartment’s doorstep to figure out why I’m ignoring her.
