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“We should find the clue.”
“I think I know where it is.” I point to the loose rock. Blaze pulls back from my touch, and the chill in the air trails all of the way through my bones as he moves to his backpack and pulls out a knife. He immediately bends and starts working the rock out of the wall. The more we’re in this gloomy cave, the more I feel a wall going up around him. My heart’s breaking, but I refuse to let it show. This isn’t about me. It’s about him. This has to be a painful journey for him to take. I’m surprised I haven’t thought of that before.
It doesn’t take him long to hit a plastic box. He digs it out and brushes off the grime. Is this our final clue? Is our journey over? I fight tears as I wait to see what this is. I’m not going to weep.I’ve already decided this is too beautiful a journey to feel even remotely sad. I have no regrets.
Blaze opens the box. Inside is a single piece of paper, bearing a final map and a poem:
Where once there was dark
Light’s been found.
You’ve come near and far
while seeking treasure.
Now it’s time to go back home
Where you will find
What’s been there the whole time.
Neither of us attempt to figure out the last clue. It’s too dark in this cave, and Blaze’s emotions have been laid bare. We turn and leave without looking behind us. I don’t have to wonder when it will be finished now. I know. There’s one more location for us to go, then it’s over. What will this mean for us? I have no idea. I’m not brave enough to ask, not now. I want to live in this bubble of love for as long as I can.
We make it back to the vehicle and climb in without speaking. I can’t take it any longer once we’re on the road. “We only have one more clue left. I bet you’re excited.”
“It will be nice to quit chasing after whatever this game has been leading us to.”
“All the same, I had fun doing it with you, though I’m sure you would’ve been fine on your own.” I force a laugh, but it sounds awkward. The tension in the air is thick. I’ve heard this saying before, but this is truly the first time in my life I’vefeltthe air thicken.
“I’m glad you were on this journey with me.” Then he sighs. There’s more on his mind than he wants to admit. As much as it scares me, I take a breath of courage and turn to gaze at him.
“Whatever you need to say, I’m okay with. I can see you’ve had a lot on your mind all day, Blaze.” I reach over and place my hand on his leg, encouraging him to talk to me.
Blaze lets out a weary sigh. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been distant today.” He reaches out and places his hand on my leg. I didn’t realize how much I needed his touch until I have it again. I let out a relieved sigh. A stirring of hope flutters deep inside me, even if I tell myself to not do this.
“I understand. I really would rather you tell me when something’s wrong, though.”
He sighs again and I realize I’m not going to love what he’s about to say. It doesn’t matter though. I need to hear it. I’m a firm believer in ripping off the Band-Aid.
“I got a call this morning.” My stomach tightens. This isn’t going to be a phone call I’m going to like.
“Phone calls don’t normally put someone in such a brooding mood.” I’m trying desperately to inject a sense of humor into my voice.
“It’s about a job.”
My heart stalls as I take in what he’s saying. If it’s one of his jobs, it means he’s leaving — most likely leaving the country — and it also means the end of the two of us.
“That’s great.” I refuse to allow tears into my voice. “What sort of job is it?” I warned myself this would happen. I can keep it together until I’m alone. I can do this. I have no regrets.
“It’s top secret.” His voice is devoid of emotion. Even if we can somehow work things out long distance, I don’t know if I can handle him in dangerous jobs around the world while I wait for a phone call to tell me if he’s coming back or not. I don’t think I’m strong enough.
“Well then, I guess you can’t talk about it.” I force lightness in my voice that I don’t feel at all. Silence stretches between us, and I wait. This is the world’s slowest Band-Aid being ripped off ever,and I want the final piece torn away. I need it torn away for my own sanity because even though I’ve warned myself this is going to happen, it hurts.
“I can say the assignment’s in the Middle East,” he finally says. I have to take a few deep breaths in and out before I speak. I can’t allow him to know how much pain I’m in. A full two minutes pass before I speak again.
“Wow, that must be exciting.” It isn’t how I feel at all, but what else can I say? Yes, we’ve been intimate with each other, but we both knew this would end. I’ve been aware from the start that at the end of our treasure hunt he’ll leave. For a very short time, though, I’ve allowed myself to hope.
“I don’t know if I’m taking the job.”
