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I've never seen anyone look so dejected. And I can't bear to see him like this. The mom in me takes over, and I sit down beside Thane to wrap my arms around him.
He stiffens. "What are ye doing?"
"Comforting you."
"Why? I've dragged you into the quicksand of my past and exposed you to someone I never wanted to see again."
"But you can handle that Holden guy. You aren't a child. You're a mature, intelligent, strong man."
He sighs heavily once again, just before he slings an arm around me to hug me firmly. "You are far too forgiving, Rebecca. We barely know each other. You should run away now."
Maybe I should walk away now and forget I ever met Thane. I'd have to quit my job too. Then what? Do I move in with my kids? No, I won't do that. I might have met Thane a few weeks ago, but I cannot abandon him when he's in trouble. Am I crazy to stick around? Possibly. Behaving like a sane adult hasn't exactly made my life better. Might as well go down the dark alley with Thane Buchanan.
"I'm not leaving you, Thane. So, you might as well tell me what you can about Holden and his 'revenge plot.' That's what you called it."
"Aye, I did say that." He pushes his face into my hair and inhales deeply. "Never wanted to drag you into this rubbish, but you might as well know. When I saw Holden on Sunday, he gave me a warning. About what, I dinnae know. But he assured me that when I saw him again, he would reveal what my punishment will be."
"Punishment for getting him thrown in prison?"
"Aye. That must be what he meant."
I wish I could push for more answers from him, but I get that he had some kind of top-secret job when he worked for the DIO. That means I can't press him on the issue too much. But I have a legitimate reason for questioning him about something else.
"You said you first bumped into Holden in the parking garage of my apartment building. He made threats then, right? But you never mentioned any of that to me."
He scrunches up his whole face. "I realize now that I should have told you at the time. But we weren't officially a couple yet, were we?" He shuts his eyes and bows his head briefly, then meets my gaze again. "That's no excuse. I regret hiding that encounter from you, but I honestly believed Holden would bugger off for good."
"I thought you were some kind of computer expert when you were in the military. Now it sounds like you were a secret agent who caught the bad guy."
"Technically, I wasn't any sort of agent. My job was classified, but not covert."
No matter how I phrase my questions, I can't get a concrete answer from him. Might as well give up for now. "We both have jobs to do, and we need to get back to work."
"Aye, we do."
He sounds defeated. That makes me want to hug him, but I'm too confused right now to know what I should do.
Thane leads me to the parking lot where he'd left his truck, and we don't speak to each other during the thirty-minute drive back to the distillery. Though I've developed strong feelings for this man, I have no idea how to respond to the bizarre and abruptly violent events that unfolded on that side street in Loch Fairbairn. My life had never been this exciting or terrifying before I moved to Scotland.
As we enter the main building, Thane holds the door open for me. Once we're both inside, he leans toward me as if he wants to kiss me goodbye before he heads for other parts of the complex. But he pulls away before he gets close enough to kiss me. His pained expression makes me feel anxious too.
"Have a good afternoon," he says. "Will I see you after work?"
"If you mean will you see me in the parking lot, the answer is yes. If you mean any other way...I don't know."
Thane nods once sharply, pivots on his heels, and stalks off down the hall.
Is he mad? No, I doubt that. He must be anxious and probably feeling guilty too. After all, he neglected to warn me about his dust-up with Holden De Boer. I'm suffering from a bit of anxiety too. Okay, maybe it's more than a little. Just a touch more. I've never been involved in a physical fight between two men. I've definitely never kneed a man in the nuts before, but I don't regret what I did.
For the rest of the day, I behave like a mature, professional woman and just do my job. I've been playing around with several options for the marketing campaign, though I haven't yet found anything that goes "zing" for me. My mom likes to tell me that, if I'm stumped at work, I should sit back, relax, and let my mind wander wherever it likes until something zings. That usually does the trick. But today is no ordinary day.
Thinking about the phrase ordinary day reminds me of one of my favorite Duran Duran songs, "Ordinary World." So, I pop my earbuds in and crank up that song. It's rather melancholy but beautiful and emotional. I listened to it on repeat for days after my husband announced he was filing for divorce and moving out of our house. But I hadn't been as anxious then as I am now. Worrying about Thane affects me far more deeply than losing Gary had.
As the song ends, another begins---"Come Undone."
No, I will not fall apart. As much as that encounter in Loch Fairbairn had shaken me up, I never felt panicked. Upset, yes. But not terrified. I was worried about Thane more than anything else.
I close my eyes and let the music lull me into a state of pure relaxation. I wouldn't call it meditation. My favorite songs can both relax and revive me, so I let my thoughts drift away. I often get ideas for campaigns because of my relaxation technique. Images float through my mind.
