AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I wrap her in my arms despite her “no touching below the shoulders” rule. Austen is too emotionally exhausted to complain. She cries against me, filled with fear and shame.
“I don’t know the answer,” I tell Austen. “I just want you with me.”
She looks up at me, seeming surprised by how I don’t promise everything will be okay or it’s not her fault. I know she won’t believe those words anyway.
Her tears get stuck as she considers how I offer nothing more than myself.
“I’m scared of your friends,” she says.
“They’re going to get on your nerves.”
Wiping her eyes, Austen perks up. “I’m afraid the biker wives won’t like me.”
“Even if they don’t, they’ll just pretend.”
Austen sighs as she eases away from her panic. “My dad is going to die, and I never stopped loving him.”
“I’ll probably feel sad when my parents die, too. My brother had a heart attack years ago, and I felt bad, but I didn’t go see him. His shitty heart couldn’t change the past.”
Austen stands taller. Her expression even hints at a smile.
“I touched your lower back,” I point out and display my hand. “Got a feel of that sweet groove just above a gal’s muffin top.”
Grinning now, Austen seems concerned she cried all her makeup off.
“I really like your freckles,” I say before she can distract herself with worries. “If it were up to me, you’d show them off more.”
Austen’s body unclenches in a weird way. I hadn’t even noticed she was still so tense. Yet, my words relax her so much she seems to get loose everywhere all at once. Her gaze goes soft, too.
That’s the moment I realize Austen doesn’t want to be in charge or stand on her own. At the estate, Suzanne controlled life. I initially assumed Austen’s calm demeanor around her mom was based on her feeling loved.
However, Austen fears being in charge. She claims she used to be a wild child, even bossy. That summer, she felt responsible for her younger sister. When things went wrong, she lost all respect for herself.
Austen can no longer stand on her own. That’s why she fell apart as soon as she got scared. When I seemed too passive with those men at the restaurant, she turned to the strongest person she knows.
If I want to make a life with Austen, I need her to feel secure. Something’s wrong deep down in this woman. She can’t toughen and face her fears. If it were that easy, a decade of therapy would have fixed her. Instead, her every waking moment is filtered through the attack at her father’s ranch.
I think of how Suzanne blamed Urick, not so much for the attack but his response to it. He was passive in the face of danger.
“I’m a benevolent dictator at the Pigsty,” I explain to Austen as Goose and Coco return with drinks. “Don’t be startled if I have to lovingly kick someone’s ass once we’re home.”
Austen grins at my words, but Goose nearly hisses.
“Don’t boss me around.”
“I’m the new den mother at the Pigsty,” I remind my friend. “If you don’t like that, too bad. I offered to let you be in charge.”
“Why does anyone have to be in charge?”
“I don’t know. Armor always was. Now, he’s gone. Ask him why we need a leader.”
“I will, and he’ll say you need to shut up,” Goose says and throws her leg over her motorcycle.
“Yeah, and if he was the Pigsty’s leader, I’d listen to him,” I reply, smiling at Goose while I wrap an arm around Austen’s shoulders. “Unfortunately for you, I’m the leader, so we do what I want.”
“No,” Goose says and starts her engine. “We’re close enough to home for me to ditch you dumb fucks.”
“That’s the kind of language I don’t want around the Pigsty, young lady.”
