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“You're right, but we ain’t doin things the Carson way right now. Harvey will not tolerate any scandal and it’ll be your brothers who pay for any action you take. You gotta start thinkin’ more like a man who's got shit to lose rather than one with a vendetta. I know you’re strugglin?—”
“You got no idea.” I shove past him and get the hell away from him and this damn yard before I make another person dead.
“You were wrong to come to the Carson’s yesterday.” I take a seat opposite Daniel and smile at Deloris when she automatically starts making up my usual. I like having a usual, I never had that in LA.
“I was desperate, and you weren’t returning my calls. I’m going crazy here, Savannah. I’ve been staying at that guesthouse on my own for over a week.” He grabs both my hands and squeezes them.
“I never asked you to stay,” I remind him.
“I’m not leaving you here. I won’t let you throw away what we could have together.” He sounds so determined and it’s so different from what I’m used to from him.
For so long during our relationship, I questioned if Dan really loved me or if he was with me out of convenience. My parents liked him, and his parents liked me. We knew each other well, we were comfortable, but that was all that ever really bound us. Looking at Daniel now and seeing how sad he is makes me wonder how I could have questioned it. It’s cruel to prolong his suffering, but what else can I do when he won’t take no for an answer?
“I’m happy here, Dan. Really happy,” I tell him for the hundredth time.
“No, Savannah, you just weren’t happy at home. You came here to run away from all the shit you discovered, and you just don’t feel ready to face up to it yet. I get that, which is why I think traveling would be good for us. Maybe you were right, maybe I do take life and my career too seriously.”
“Where is the real Daniel Porter?” I smile, trying my best to lighten up this very serious conversation, but my words hit a little deeper than I expected them to and I realize that I really am looking at a stranger.
“Don’t make fun of me, Savannah, this isn’t a joke. I love you and the thought of losing you?—”
“You said you had something to tell me,” I cut him off before he gets too deep. I don’t need another guilt trip over his feelings. I feel bad enough for the hurt I’m causing him.
“I didn’t want to have to use this, but I figure it’s the only way I’m gonna get you to trust that I’m here for us and not for your parents.” He looks nervous and it makes me fear what it is that he’s been holding back.
“Your father’s been lying to you…”
“Ummm, that’s kinda old news now, Dan.” I think back to when I found out the truth about who I was and it makes my eyes water. I can’t describe how it feels when you learn that your whole life has been a lie. It’s lonely, and the only thing that fills the emptiness is the pain of all the betrayal.
I found out that I’d been adopted by the people who I thought were my birth parents a week before I came here to Fork River. The people who had raised me my whole life suddenly felt like strangers, but deep down everything kinda made sense. I’ve never felt like I fitted into the life I was living.
“I mean, he lied when he said they didn’t know who your real parents were. I have the name and the address of your birth father. I don’t know about your mother yet, but here…” Danielslides a folded up piece of paper across the table and I haven’t got the strength to open it and look, despite how curious I am.
“How did you get this?” I ask, struggling to believe that I’m holding the name of my real father in my hand.
“After you left LA, your father wanted to make sure you weren’t going to look into finding your real parents. I helped him ensure there was no trail for you to follow.”
“What?” I feel that slice of betrayal cut me open all over again.
“Savannah, hear me out. He told me that it would hurt you too much and that I’d lose you forever. I couldn’t take that risk.”
“So…?” I look at him expectantly.
“So, I did some digging to test how easy it would be. People use the mistake of relying on technology these days. I looked further than online records. It took a while but I managed to find a transaction on one of your father’s old bank statements when I went through his old accounts. A transaction that was made the day after you were born.”
“That could have been for anything, my dad makes investments all the time,” I point out.
“You're right, which is why I asked your father about it. He made me swear I’d never tell you.” Daniel looks ashamed of himself and I don’t know if it’s because he let me down or that he thinks he’s letting my dad down. “That’s the name of your father, Savannah, and I’m hoping that me giving it to you will make you realize how much I’m prepared to sacrifice for us. If your dad finds out I gave you that, I’ll lose my job and he’ll destroy any chance I have of getting another one at any decent firm in LA. But I don’t care. All I care about is you.”
I have to admit, I’m shocked that he’d do this for me, when we were growing up, all Dan ever talked about was becoming a lawyer.
“You know I can’t just sit on this?” I hold the paper up between us.
“Of course I do. I know you better than you know yourself.” He laughs, and it reminds me a little of the times we had before my world got turned upside down.
“Thank you.” I lean across the table and place a kiss on his cheek. “This means a lot.”
“You’re welcome.” He smiles at me sadly and I decide I need to cut him some slack. Deloris places down my coffee and a plate of syrup-soaked pancakes and, for the next hour and a half, I sit with Dan and talk as if we’d never been apart.
