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I keep my gaze in front of me and follow my mother, hearing the footsteps of my family behind me. These dinners consist of the soon-to-be partnered couples, their families, and the top officials for the Elders and their families. The one good thing about this is that Olivia will be here, so it’ll be nice to have at least one friend nearby. This also means that I am not new to these dinners, though it certainly feels different when you’re the one on display.
Normally when I attend these functions, I skulk in a corner with Olivia and take advantage of the free drinks. I may hate attending, but there are some silver linings. I sigh to myself, reminiscing on simpler times. What I would give to go back to one of those moments, when I was able to ignore my impending future. Granted, ignorance is never the best option, no matter how I may have felt at the time. It was always going to end with me here, now. I start to wonder if I should have spent more time preparing myself for this moment instead of pretending it would never come.
The guards open the doors for us, and a wave of nausea washes over me. This is really it.
I take a calming breath as I’m led away from my family and down a hall to the left of the entrance staircase, to a back room with the other women who will be partnered. I feel like a performer before a show. In reality, the ceremony is treated just like that—a show. And if this dinner isn’t bad enough, it starts by having the partners meet for the first time via announcement in front of the crowd. I imagine the intention of the Elders is to bring novelty to the whole process, another attempt to keep us all in line. The thought of shuffling on that stage as my name’s called causes my nausea to return.
The other girls are already in the room, chatting quietly amongst themselves. They don’t notice me right away, and it gives me an opportunity to take them in. They are all dressed to impress, in beautiful gowns and scarves like mine, though in varying colors. There’s one girl with short blonde curls and a cute button nose chatting animatedly with another woman with long black hair and tanned skin. Over to their left is a girl with straight, dark auburn hair, who is lost in thought. I recognize most of them from school, though none that I was close with.
The girl with dark auburn hair smiles up at me. I recognize her from one of my final year science classes; her name is Lyla, if I remember correctly.
She waves at me. “Amelia, hi! Good to see a familiar face.”
I give a tight, polite smile and take the vacant seat next to her. “Yeah, same. How are you feeling?”
Her smile turns bright as her cheeks flush with anticipation. “So excited, but also nervous. I really wish we didn’t have to meet our partner in public, y’know? I mean, regardless, it’s worth it, but oh my Elders, the nerves!” She holds out a shaky hand to prove her point.
It feels good that someone else has nerves about the public meeting, though in reality, I’m sure everyone is feeling some sense of it. That also means I have something to blame my less-than-excitement on.
I nod in agreement. “Totally understand. I think the nerves about meeting in public are what’s getting to me the most.”
She looks at me with sympathy and pats my hand. “Don’t worry, just think about how it’ll end with your True Partner. That’s what really matters.”
I bite the inside of my cheek as I give her an appreciative smile. I know she means to be comforting, but thinking again about spending my life with someone I’ve never met sends a pit to my stomach.
To get these thoughts to dissipate, I change the subject. “Thanks, Lyla,” I really hope that’s her name, “How’s your family been?”
Lyla perks up at my words and doesn’t say anything about her name, so I must be right. “Oh, great! My sister’s about to have a baby any day, so super excited to be an aunt.”
This piques my interest, recalling Caleb’s wife. This is when I remember that he’s married to Lyla’s sister, their features undeniably similar.
I snap and point toward her with raised eyebrows. “Oh, right! Your sister is Maria. She’s married to my friend, Caleb.”
Her eyes light up. “Yes!Sucha nice guy. We should have a date night sometime! Not sure how much Maria can participate right now, but it would be fun to make some couple friends.”
The thought of having friends who are going through this experience at the same time as me is intriguing; I suspect it would help me through the process.
This time, my smile is genuine. “Actually, that would be great. We should definitely plan something.”
She grins back. “Great! I’ll bring it up to Maria—"
Lyla is cut off as the door pushes open, revealing one of the female top officials.
There’s a large, synthetic smile on her face as she looks between all of us. “Almost time, girls! Let’s get everyone in line. First is…” she looks down at her clipboard, “Amelia Asghar.” She looks back up at me; she’s worked with my father before, so it’s no surprise she knows who I am.
I nod to Lyla and stand up, focusing on keeping my hands from shaking as I take my place in front of the open door. I take a deep breath and am only slightly aware of the others beginning to file behind me, the only clear sound being my rapid heartbeat. The closer we get to the festivities, the more I don’t want to go through with this. I know I need to get ahold of myself; there’s no other option.
Fuck, I really don’t want to do this.
The official claps her hand once, causing me to startle out of my reverie, and steps out in front of me. “Great, thank you ladies! Please follow me.”
I take another breath, trying to swallow around the dryness in my throat, and follow her down the hall. She leads us to the back of the home and then makes a sharp turn to another small hall off to the left. This takes us to a large metal door that I know leads to the back end of the stage room. She creaks the door open and silently motions for us to file in, and then points at a small staircase directly in front of me that will lead to the stage.
My hands begin to shake again when I lay eyes on the Top Elder, who is speaking to the massive crowd that I refuse to look at. I don’t pay attention to any of his words, not that it matters since I’ve heard it about a hundred times at this point. I am only focused on my cues, nothing else. Ican’tfocus on anything else. All I need to listen for is my name.
“Up first, we have Amelia Rose Asghar!”
I groan internally. My cue. Why does this thing have to go alphabetical?
