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I close my eyes briefly to try and get my nerves under control, and then slowly walk up the stairs to the stage. The closer I get to the podium, the more wrong it feels. I shake the feeling off and plaster a smile on my face, shaking the top Elder’s hand and turning toward the crowd. I see my family in the front row, and it calms my nerves slightly, but then I remember that the next name called will be my True Partner. My stomach turns.
“To be paired with Amelia is…Elliot Ansen Guillard!”
I flinch at the deafening applause and turn my head toward the other side of the stage, waiting for Elliot to appear. I don’t recognize the name. Finally, a man with round sky blue eyes and short blonde locks that curl around the sides of his headpiece walks up to the other side of the podium. He’s built stocky, as if he spends time weightlifting, and appears to be a couple inches taller than me, possibly around 5’9”. He's dressed in a gleaming silver tunic and pants, with gray leather moccasins on his feet. He’s got a round face and soft, slightly upturned nose, with somewhat thin lips. I’ve seen him a few times during service but have never exchanged words with him. He’s handsome in a boyish sort of way, but it’s the encouraging smile he gives that makes me feel slightly better. Despite this, something deep inside of me is resisting. I ignore my gut and smile back, taking his hand.
One of the lesser Elders leads us down the stage and off to the right-hand side of the crowd, and now I finally feel like I can breathe. Still, that deep-set wrongness seems to have settled within me. There is another door at the back of the crowd that leads us to a set of stairs, which take us to a large ballroom that spans the entire third floor.
I scan the room, which is littered with round dining tables and food/drink stations, with a dance floor in the middle. Forthe new True Partners to get to know each other, they are led to the dining hall early, and I’m now praying to the Elders that I was first on the list. In reality, we are only given about fifteen to thirty minutes before the other guests arrive, but the Elders have deemed this enough time before we are bombarded with conversation from family and officials alike.
When a waiter passes by with a tray full of drinks, I gratefully grab a glass of sparkling wine with a quick smile, hoping that the alcohol will temper those deep feelings of regret that are still present within me. I then allow Elliot to lead me to the head table, a large rectangular setting closest to the glass balcony doors.
“For you.” He pulls out a chair for me with a wink, and I’m unsure if he is faking chivalry for the sake of the night or if he’s being genuine.
Regardless of how I’m feeling, I need to remain polite. This is my life now. I take the offered chair with a nod and wait for him to sit. That pit in my stomach is making small talk almost impossible, so I wait for him to start the conversation.
He clears his throat and turns slightly toward me in his chair. If he notices my awkwardness, he doesn’t draw attention to it.
“So, Amelia. First of all, nice to meet you.” He grins slightly, as if he’s making a joke. He’s still trying to diffuse the situation, which I appreciate.
I allow a small smile and nod. “You, too. Sorry, I’m not usually so quiet…it’s just been a day,” I say, feeling bad for how standoffish I’m being.
He chuckles, seemingly unperturbed, and takes a glass of wine that a passing waiter offers him. I probably could have grabbed him one earlier, but I didn’t even think about it. Looks like I need to start changing my thought patterns from only thinking about me. Isn’t that what couples do?
I notice out of the corner of my eye that other couples are beginning to enter.
“Trust me, I get it. They always talk about how you’re prepared, but I have no idea how anyone prepares for something like this.” He rolls his eyes.
I start to realize that the Elders’ choice could have been worse. Elliot seems like a genuinely nice guy, and appears at least somewhat unsure about the process, which makes me feel less alone. With this, I decide to ignore the deep doubts, at least for the night, and enjoy myself.
I raise my glass and wink. “I’ll toast to that.”
~ ~·~ ~
By the time food is eaten and dances are danced, I’m more than a little tipsy. The alcohol has at least successfully tempered my anxiety, but I’m starting to think I’ve gone a bit too hard. After one last dance with Elliot where I almost lose my footing, I tell him that I’m going to get some air.
I pass Olivia, who gives me a thumbs up while glancing toward Elliot. I roll my eyes, but smile. We haven’t gotten a lot of time to chat throughout the night, as everyone wants a piece of the new True Partners, but having her presence in the room has helped to an extent.
Once I’m outside on the balcony, the fog begins to clear. I’m still stumbling a bit as I make my way to the ledge, however. What exactly did they put in those drinks? I shake my head at myself, feeling slightly giddy and off-balance, and take the final steps to the balcony edge.
I run my fingers haphazardly along the weathered concrete as I mull over the night so far. My family immediately got on with Elliot. It’s clear that he is able to charm people easily, something I’ve never been able to do.
I had the chance to meet his family, as well. As it turns out, he’s an only child, but with his penchant for making friends he has never felt lonely. His father works at the Society’s university, in mathematics. His mother is also an academic, preferring the arts.
He mentioned that he was also assigned academics, following in his parents’ footsteps, which sounds great to me. He seems genuinely happy with it, so I’m hopeful that he won’t be forced to leave his position once I start my official duties. And to be honest, I’d find any professional path more interesting than the one I’m being forced into. Luckily, that won’t kick in for a few more years; citizens are not required to fully realize their duties until after the binding ceremony and are generally given a timeframe of one to three years to begin their career. It’s precedent to wait some years until after the ceremony for at least one child to be born in this timeframe.
Elliot truly does appear like a nice guy and complements me in the right areas. I tend to be a bit more introverted, and he seems to thrive in crowds. When I make sarcastic remarks, he’s quick with a quip back. So why do I still feel like there’s something missing?
No. I can’t keep thinking like that. It must just be my anxiety; after all, it was no secret that I wasn’t exactly thrilled for today. It’s just change, and change is always uncomfortable. I’ll be fine.We’llbe fine.
It seems like the more wrong I feel, the more I push for it to be right.
Shaking my thoughts out of my head, I hop up on the balcony edge to peer down at the garden. This was always one of my favorite views from this home, peering over the third level balcony at the variety of exotic flowers below, glistening in the moonlight. It was entrancing, in a way, and has always served to calm me when the nights of socializing would become too much.
I sigh and resituate myself to get more comfortable, but I quickly note that the alcohol in my system is impairing me more than I thought, as I begin lose my grip.
My breath is taken away and suddenly I feel weightless, stomach dropping; I realize with sobering fear that I’ve tipped over the edge and am about to topple three stories to a certain end.
I close my eyes, waiting for my untimely demise, but I don’t fall. Instead, my alcohol-addled brain registers strong arms gripping me around my waist. My fear suddenly changes to confusion. Did Elliot follow me out?
