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That was somewhat reassuring. Still, I was off-kilter as I headed home later. I went over the night in my mind, searching for a possible explanation. Tara could’ve been taken by surprise. I could admit it was sudden. If she hadn’t known this was the night I’d give in, she wouldn’t have been expecting me to kiss her.
But still, that look she’d given me. That awful, awful look.
Well, guess what? I’d had enough. I didn’t need to experiment anymore. I liked men—loved them—and that was enough for me. This venture into the other side was supposed to be an easy, fun fling. If it was going to be complicated, I wasn’t interested. I was over it.
Tara would have to deal with it. She probably wouldn’t even care. As for me, I’d go back to my vow. No men for one year. And hell, maybe I should even up the ante. No dating, no hook-ups, no kissing. Nothing.
When the time came for my delivery to Vino and Veritas on Friday, I braced myself for some serious awkwardness. The best-case scenario was that she’d called in sick today. It was possible, wasn’t it? Or maybe she’d quit her job and left town entirely. I’d never have to see her again! Hey, it could happen.
I pressed the handicap button and stood back, my heartbeat already picking up speed. When the door opened, I was surprised to see Tara on the other side, rushing to hold it open.
“Chelsea,” she said. “I wanted to text you.”
“You did?”
“Pretty much as soon as I left.” She looked contrite. “I didn’t have your number.”
That changed things—maybe, kind of, possibly. Wait, no. I was done with her. But I still wanted to hear what she had to say. “What were you going to tell me?”
Although there was no one else within earshot, she lowered her voice. “I wasn’t expecting you to kiss me. Chelsea, I thought you were straight.”
“And I am.” I stood as tall as I could, laying one hand on the beer barrel. “I thought I might try something different, since you started putting thoughts in my head.”
“I… what? I did?”
“Doesn’t matter anymore. The moment has passed. You missed your chance. I’m heterosexual, one hundred percent. Strictly dickly.”
She stared at me, speechless, and I brought the beer to the bar. Murph was on duty, and I greeted him a little too loudly. He looked slightly taken aback by my sudden enthusiasm, but quickly took it in stride and returned my energy.
Once I’d unloaded the beer, I peeked back into the bookstore side. I only had to bring in one barrel today, so this was it. “See you on Monday.”
“Okay, but…”
I hesitated. Was she going to say she wanted me after all?
“Look, I don’t know what you thought of me,” she said. “There’s clearly been a miscommunication. I’m not the kind of girl who sleeps around. I might joke around or tease people, but I’m not here for the taking. I have high standards. I don’t seduce straight girls for fun.”
My stomach twisted into a knot. “Fine. I don’t let lesbians seduce me, anyway.”
I headed out of the store, my shoulders thrown back and my head held high. What she’d said was totally fine. Like I told her, she wasn’t going to get anywhere with me anyway.
I slid behind the wheel of the truck and put it into drive. I had to admit I was a bit disappointed.
Even though it’d only been a few days, I’d gotten pretty into the idea of doing a little experiment. So many girls tried messing around with girls. I wanted to try it once, and the brief kiss with Lora didn’t count. I was too drunk, I barely remembered it—and I wanted to try going a little further. Like, with both of our clothes off.
My friends had suggested I go for another girl, but even leaving aside my now-stringent vow, I just didn’t want to.
The only girl I was interested in was Tara.
9
Tara
“You guys… do I flirt too much?”
I sat on my bed with my legs crossed, looking at my three best friends’ faces on my phone screen. They were all huddled together on the sofa at Trevor’s place, where I used to hang out with them almost every week.
Seeing them together made me miss them more intently than ever. They were the closest thing I’d ever had to an actual family. I’d known Trevor for the longest—he was one of my foster siblings in ninth grade. He briefly dated Kyle, but they realized they were better off as friends, and so all three of us began to hang out. A similar process transpired when Kyle dated Nia. She got along well enough with all of us to become part of the crew.
