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Your Jack
The letter and her hands fall to her lap as Ruby cries fresh tears. She'd read this note in a hurry when she'd found it, not terribly bothered that he'd left while she was out at a luncheon. His official duties had sometimes required this. She remembers a note of annoyance in her heart as she'd read his words, wondering why in the hell his tone was so apologetic, so pleading. And that ending--"I'll see you"? She hadn't known then that he didn't mean "I'll see you in a few days," but rather, "I'll see you...someday. Somewhere."
Ruby doesn't bother to tie the letters back together, but shoves the envelopes back into the drawer with the loose ribbon tossed in for good measure. She steps over the page she'd tossed away and walks to the window. Warm August sunlight twinkles on the water, dancing, inviting watchers to come outside, to enjoy the beach, to play in the water. The radical turn in the weather after the driving rainstorm reminds Ruby of a toddler giggling with joy right on the heels of a major tantrum.
In the distance, a man and a woman stroll down the beach hand-in-hand and Ruby watches them talk and laugh; her portion of the beach is usually deserted, so seeing a couple walk by is an event. They even turn and look at her house as they pass, pointing at it and stopping to take a photo. She smiles, waving from the window upstairs, though she's sure they can't see her.
Ruby stays there at the window for a long time, letting the repetitiveness of the waves lull her. Maybe her own life is like the afternoon storm, and now that it's passed, she can fully embrace the joy by accepting any invitation for happiness that comes her way.
Just to prove to herself that she believes this, she rushes downstairs and out the door of her kitchen. She's standing on the porch as the couple she'd watched turns into a small dot in the distance.
Almost hesitantly, Ruby pulls off her t-shirt and leaves it hanging over the railing, then peels off her shorts as well. She's standing there in a sports bra and a pair of plain white briefs, but it's close enough to a bathing suit for her. Without too much thought, she runs across the sand and straight into the water, falling into it and dipping below the waves.
The water is salty and not as bracing as it is at other times of the year, so she slips through it like a mermaid, flipping over onto her back and floating there with her eyes closed toward the sun. It feels like heaven.
Jack may have ended his life by plunging into a body of water on the other side of the world, but Ruby's life is beginning all over again in this sea. She will let the water soothe her, heal her, and guide her. She will roll with the tides, and answer only to the moon.
It is truly time to put the past--including her marriage and all of its dark corners and fault lines--behind her. At fifty, she is a new woman. She is a whole person on her own. She is being born again.
With cool water buoying her body and her spirits, Ruby smiles, eyes still closed against the bright sun.
She is ready. For anything.
Epilogue
FROM THE DESK OF RUBY HUDSON
For the past week, Ruby has had a lot on her mind. She's finished with the journals--at least for now--and processed some of the realities of her marriage: what it was, what it wasn't, and what it will never be. Her life with Jack has taken her places and given her things (namely her daughters) that she would never have without having married him, but it's also given her some fairly weighty baggage.
Athena arrives home on a flight from London later in the day, and Harlow will get back from her Canadian venture about forty-eight hours later, so Ruby is good and ready to put the boxes away, clear out her front room, and welcome her daughters for a week of girl talk, eating on the deck, and walking the beach together.
But first...
She sits at the small desk in the tiny office on the second floor of the bookstore. There are things to do, and loops to close before she can turn another page.
From: Ruby Hudson
To: Helen Pullman
Oh, Helen. What a journey! I just wanted to let you know I survived the diaries and came away from it all with a different perspective. Perhaps not a better one, but more insight, at least. Jack was a flawed man, and we had a flawed marriage. I think it's safe to say that that's true of every human and every marriage, right? I wasn't perfect--I know that.
I believe in my heart that reading his words took me back in time to a Jack before I knew him, let me revisit the man I fell in love with, allowed me to watch our daughters grow up again, and then gave me a bit more detail about how his heart split in two. And, weirdly, I think I'm okay--with all of it. I am. And not just because I have to be. Life is long, life is hard, and life is unsurvivable. I need to do some things with mine while I still can, and Jack showed me that.
Thank you for being a part of our journey all these years--I hope you and I will have many more years of laughter and friendship.
With love,
Ruby
From: Ruby Hudson
To: Etienne Boucher
Dear Etienne,
This note has been a long time coming. I think that wading through all of Jack's decisions, as well as the fallout from those choices, was always going to take awhile, so thank you for your patience as I sorted out my thoughts and feelings.
I don't know that I'll ever truly understand or feel okay about the way he chose to live his life with you and me, and--maybe even more importantly--I don't think I can ever reconcile that he raised two families on different continents without ever trying toblend the two. I mean, I would have hated that as well, but think of the kids...My girls growing up and not knowing that they had a brother, and Julien, living in France and believing he was an only child with an absentee father for a good chunk of his life.
