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“I bet,” he said, laughing. “That’s…amazing.” He peered at me with a look of discovery in his eyes. “I had no idea.”
“No idea that I’m an artist as well as the sexiest femme-boy scientist in the world?”
“Yeah, exactly that. I’ve been clueless. Not about the sexy part, but the rest.”
I preened a little before devoting attention to finishing my ice cream cone.
“So, you’re interested in science, nature, trucks, martial arts, cowboy boots, performance art, tutus, makeup, women’s clothes…” He ticked the things off. “What else will I find out about you tonight?”
“Whatever you want to know.”
He glanced around quickly and then combed his fingers through my hair, pushing a strand behind my ear, and then leaning close to brush a kiss on my cheekbone. “I’d like to know everything. But, like I said earlier, that’ll take some time.”
“We don’t have a lot of that, do we? So we better fast-track it.” I ignored his grimace at the reminder of our HIV positive state. “What about you? What are your hobbies? What do you love to do?”
Luke popped the last of his cone in his mouth, chewed, and dusted off his hands. I had a feeling he was stalling for time. Eventually, he said, “Well, my biggest hobby used to be the Dom stuff. I started out in it just for fun. Eventually some problems came up in my life that made me need to do it for money. After that, it was still fun, but it was also a job. That changes things.”
“Yeah, if I got paid to do ‘Cream My Face,’ that’d sure change it. I mean, Ididget paid. I left a tip jar out for the second performance and pulled a nice wad of cash. But if I had to do it like Idepended on that to live? It would feel different.”
“It would, but I don’t know if it would have the same problems associated with it as turning my Dom hobby into my Dom job. There’s a lot of responsibility to being a Dom. It doesn’t end when a sub walks out the door. I have to be careful that what we do in a scene doesn’t impact them in a negative way in the outside world.”
“Yeah, of course.” I knew from experience that what he did to me in his dungeon affected me for hours and days after it was over.
“Given all that, I had to take a break from it after my diagnosis. I wasn’t in the right space mentally for a very long time. I’m getting by with my income from the shop right now, so long as I watch my expenses and only take my subs on cheap dates for ice cream.” He winked.
I smiled. “I love this date.”
“I’m glad.” He paused. “That responsibility, though…that’s part of why I was worried about us at first. What we do is on the edge. I worry sometimes that it’ll make things harder for you, instead of better.”
“Don’t worry,” I said, putting a hand on his arm. “I’m fine. I’m doing better than I have in a long time.”
My stomach twisted oddly, and I couldn’t put my finger on why. “You’re giving me what I need.”
For now.
The thought was unwanted, but there all the same. I wondered if it flashed over my face because Luke’s expression also shifted.
I hurried on. “But that’s what you do for a job. What do you do for fun?”
“Fun…” He trailed off, a distant look coming into his eyes. “I don’t know.”
“What do you do on your days off? When you’re not at the shop, and you’re not doing the Dom stuff—” and hadn’t he said during one of our intake conversations that he hadn’t been withanyone, much less as a Dom in months? “—what do you like to do with your time?”
“Hmm.”
I could see that he had an answer, but was reluctant to share it with me. Pressure tightened my chest. I rubbed it, not sure why I felt hurt. “You don’t have to tell me,” I said, trying to fake like I didn’t care. “It’s not my business. We’re not dating. We’re justona date. It’s not the same thing.”
“Baby,” he sighed. “It’s something I don’t talk a lot about. Not that I’m ashamed of it, but it’s private and I’ve never really talked much about it with a sub.”
“Do you do something creepy?” I asked, suddenly worried.
“What?” He chuckled. “No.”
“Then what?” I’d just told him he didn’t need to tell me, but now I had to press. I needed the worry in my chest to resolve.
Luke sighed, thought another moment, and then confessed, “I have a sister I take care of.”
I frowned. Did she live upstairs while we did whatever it was we were doing in the basement? Did sheknow? Gross. This too must have also reflected on my face because he laughed and took hold of my hand.
