AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He shuts up, his eyes scanning my face like he's willing me to hurry up and talk.
"You're an idiot because I haven't found anyone else. One, because I'm madly, stupidly, fuckedupidly in love with you. And two, because, uh hello, in case you missed it, despite being in the name, there ain't exactly a lot of greatbuttin Scuttlebutt."
Col sits up taller. "Oh. Okay."
"And the reason why I eased off on the messaging is because…"
I purse my lips, reluctant to tell him the truth but knowing I have to. "It was killing me, Col. Texting and video calls were great and all, but it didn't compare to the real thing. Not even close. And I let you down. I promised you I'd find a way to make this right, to find a way for us to be together, and I hadn't. It slowly started to dawn on me that we really didn't have a future, so I thought it better to cut my losses now rather than prolong the inevitable."
Col bows his head. "I get that," he says softly. Then he looks up at me. "Did you really miss me?"
My eyes start watering. "You have no fucking idea."
"Oh. I think I do."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I was…a mess. Brant and Dad had to stage a mini intervention. I wasn't looking after myself. Wasn't going out, except to work and back. I stopped cooking…but continued eating."
I let out a small chuckle and fall back onto the couch. "Well, thank god for that."
He grins and falls back next to me, threading his fingers through mine. "It was pretty grim there for a while."
"Tell me about it. I thought this muster would be great. Some big last hurrah, you know? But ever since you left, nothing feels good. Nothing tastes good. Nothing makes me happy. And, yes, I've become one of those people."
He scrunches his nose. "I think we both have. How gross. And I'm not just referring to your BO."
I lift up an arm and sniff my armpit. "Ewww, I smell feral."
"You do." His lips stretch. "Good thing I love you, then."
Whoa. I pull my hand out of his a little more sharply than I meant to, startling him.
"What's wrong?"
I close my eyes because I can't bear to see his face when I say this. "I love you, too, but I don't know if I can do this."
He lets out a long, loud breath. Some time passes before he gently requests, "Can you open your eyes? Please."
I tilt my head back and slowly open my eyes. He waits until I'm looking at him again.
"You can't do what exactly?"
"This. Us. I'm over the moon to see you again…but…but I'm also not. I've been devastated since you've been gone. I've never felt this bad in my life. And seeing you again, as great as it is, it's like rubbing salt in an open wound. I'm not anywhere near over you leaving once, I won't survive you leaving again."
"I want to make it work."
"But this is a tough life. It takes a very specific person, with possibly several dozen brain cells missing, to want to live this way."
"I know. I've been here. I've traveled around this country. I've been to places more remote than this. This is what I want. Wilby,youare what I want."
A stupid tear slides down my cheek. I always wanted someone to say those words to me, but I never believed I'd see the day. But now that it's here, now that they're coming from the man I love, why the fuck can't I believe him?
Why the fuck has that little voice in the back of my head suddenly picked up a megaphone and started yelling,But he will leave you. Eventually. He won't stay forever.
"Heyyyy, sorrryyyy." Emma tiptoes pensively into the room. "Dinner is up, and even though very few things scare me in life, I didn't want to risk Col not having access to food."
I manage a feeble smile. "Thanks, Em. We'll be in in a sec."
