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He stops rubbing my thigh with his thumb and moves both hands to my waste. Gripping me tightly, he lifts me off the counter and sets me on his lap so I’m straddling him. As soon as I’m settled on top of him, he plants a fierce kiss on my lips. I get lost in the way his mouth feels against mine. It’s not just a normal kiss. It feels like he’s pouring everything he has into this moment between us, like each passing second is giving him the courage to tell me a story that pains him to his core. Finn gently pulls my bottom lip between his teeth, and I moan at the sensation. Taking the opportunity, he slides his tongue into my mouth and caresses mine in smooth strokes. It’s a slow and sensual kiss but filled with passion nonetheless.
I don’t rush him or move to take things any further. I let him remain in control. I know that’s what he needs that. A few more minutes pass before Finn gently lifts his mouth from mine. Cupping my face in his hands, he gives me one last chaste kiss before whispering, “Thank you.”
“Whenever you’re ready,” I say, repeating my words from earlier. He gives me the slightest smile, and I swear it’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. With his hands back on my waist, I rest my palms on his forearms and, like he did to me earlier, begin stroking them with my thumbs, silently giving him the courage to speak.
“My father’s name was Cian. He was a strong man. Never took any bullshit from anyone. I remember as a kid how terrified I was of him. Not because I thought he would ever hurt me in any way but because I never wanted to disappoint him. He was always there for everyone and did whatever was asked of him. He was an amazing friend, husband, father, and leader. Everyone knew they could count on him, and he wouldn’t disappoint them. From an early age, I remember thinking I wanted to be just like him. The person everyone could count on. To be a person people respected. To be the person who could…”
“Fix things.” I finish the sentence for him. Wanting him to know that I already know the answer, to let him know he’s exactly who he set out to be. He lets out a shaky breath before continuing.
“And my mother… she was… she was beautiful, Harper.” I feel unshed tears fill my eyes at the look on his face, like his mother was the love of his life, as a mom should be to a young boy. “Her name was Roisin. It means ‘little rose.”’ He looks down at the intricate rose he has tattooed on his forearm. The one I’m still rubbing my thumb over. “She was like an angel walking this earth. I can still hear her voice clear as day in my dreams. As I get older, the memories of them have started to fade, but not her voice. I live for the days when she visits me in my dreams. To hear her sing folk music or tell me, ‘Get some rest, my dear, and everything will be okay in the morning.’” A stray tear rolls down his cheek, but he doesn’t try to wipe it away.
“My parents were best friends with the McDermott’s. Before Ronan and I were born, they came to New York. Our syndicate back in Ireland wanted a stronger foothold in America, so they sent Liam and my dad here to take over. My dad was Liam’s right-hand man. As you can see, they created an empire that’s unmatched.” I bristle at the mention of Liam’s name but try not to let it show, wanting Finn to continue with his story.
“I was eight when they died… when they were murdered.”
“Oh, Finn.” My heart instantly breaks for him, for the boy who lost his parents at an age where no one should have to go without.
“Don’t pity me. Please.”
“Finn…” He’s not looking at me now. Instead, his gaze is firmly planted in his lap. That won’t do. “Finn… Love, look at me.” His face snaps up at the pet name. “I don’t pity you. I understand exactly how you feel, how it feels to have the two most important people in the world stolen from you. To have them taken away when you need them most. I don’t pity you, Love. I empathize with you.”
Hesitation is written all over his face. He’s afraid to tell me what happened.
Does he think I can’t take it?
“You can tell me… If you want to.” I really want him to. I want to know him inside and out.
With a slight dip of his chin, I know he’s going to continue. “The McDermott’s and my parents had to go to Ireland to meet with some of our leaders there. The American syndicate had become more powerful than anyone could have imagined, more powerful than the one in Ireland. Because of this, Liam and my father took some of their most trusted men overseas to help clean things up with the original syndicate. Ronan, Mac, and I were just kids, so we stayed in New York with family friends while they were gone.
“They were there for only a few days when some of Declan’s men heard they were trying to strengthen their foothold in Ireland. The last thing Declan Whelan wanted was for our syndicate to regain power there. He was finally more powerful than us, and he was terrified of losing that power… in their home country nonetheless.” I tense in his lap, horrified by the direction this is heading. “He was desperate. He didn’t want people to see him as weak. He wanted to stay in control. He wanted us to fear him. The McDermotts and my parents were on their way to dinner one night when they were ambushed walking down the street. Declan and his men captured my parents. He used them to threaten the McDermott’s. To force them and the rest of our men back to America and not encroach on his territory in Ireland. Liam agreed to his terms. He said they would all leave Ireland without trying to regain control of Declan’s territory. That should have been that, but it wasn’t enough for Declan. He wanted everyone to know how powerful he was. How evil he was. When Liam, Emma, and the rest of our men returned to New York, I watched as Ronan and Mac hugged their parents while I waited for mine to get off the plane. They never did. Declan Whelan tortured my parents for five days before he killed them and destroyed their bodies. I was an orphan. I never even got to bury my parents.”
Tears are streaming down my face now. My family, my blood, destroyed him. Those people, the ones that ripped apart a boy’s life, are a part of me.
Oh, god! How can he even look at me?
“I’m so sorry,” I sob as I bring my shaking hands to my face.
He pulls my wrists away before tipping my chin up with his finger. “Hey, don’t you dare apologize.”
“But he… I’m… he’s my… how can you…” I don’t even know what I’m saying. I tried. I tried so hard to be strong for him, but this is too much.
“You are nothing like him, Harper. Do you hear me? It doesn’t matter whose blood runs through your veins. It matters who you are in here.” He lays his palm flat against my heaving chest. “You are Harper Hayes. You are a gorgeous, strong woman. You have a heart bigger than anyone I’ve ever met. A heart big enough for three complicated men.” He pauses to give me a sweet smile. “You are so smart, so caring, and so loving. There is not an ounce of evil in that beautiful heart of yours. His actions do not define who you are.”
“How can… how can you even look at me? How can you alone be with me?” I ask as I lean into his hand, still firmly placed on my heart.
“Because you, my sweet Angel, are made for me. Who you are is everything I’m not. You fill pieces of me I’ve been missing since I was eight. Because whether or not I was looking for you, you came into my life and shook the foundation I so carefully built. One that was made of nothing but ‘could have been’s.’ Because you… you are all of my ‘should be’s.
I feel like Finn has just stolen the breath from my lungs. Here I should have been, comforting him over the family he lost, the one mine took from him. Instead, I’m falling apart while he tries to put me back together. But I guess that’s who he is, isn’t it? It’s what he does. In the blink of an eye, Finn has made every worry disappear. We may not have all of life’s answers, but when I’m with Finn, that doesn’t matter. He centers me. I only hope I can do the same for him.
I lean my forehead against his, and before I can speak, he asks, “Please don’t pull away. Just because I am who I am and you are who you are doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with us being together.” I shake my head, but he still doesn’t let me speak. “I got this,” he grabs my hand and places it against his tattoo, “in memory of them. But now, just as much as it reminds me of the one I’ve lost, it represents the one I’ve gained. Family. Ronan and Mac, they’re my family. My brothers. Now, you are too. You’re my family, Angel.”
“Finn, Love. I’m not going anywhere. No matter what’s happened or what’s going to happen, I’ll be here. You were meant to be in my life. All of you. You, Ronan, and Mac. Whatever we went through in our lives brought us here, to each other. We can’t change it. All we can do is move forward together. As a family. Because that’s what we should be. A family.”
I know I’m crazy. I know this is all crazy. But it’s not because I know in my heart of hearts that this is where I’m supposed to be. Here. With them.
Fuck it. Let’s be crazy.
“I think I might actually cry.” Finn and I snap our heads to the familiar sound of Mac’s voice, finding him and Ronan standing near the elevator. Logan and Tanner are nowhere to be found. Finn and I were so wrapped up in one another I didn’t even hear them come home or our guards leave. I move to wiggle out of his lap, worried he might be embarrassed by what his brothers heard, but he holds me steady. Ronan slaps Mac in the chest, “Shut the fuck up. You aren’t going to cry.”
