AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It killed me.
Someone knocked into my arm, and I blinked, stepping away from the library doors, my gaze never leaving JJ. It took me a minute to notice Alyssa was with him, holding an umbrella in one hand, the other pointing in the direction of the library.
Where I was standing.
As he lifted his head, our eyes met across the crowded square. Time seemed to stand still as we stared at one another, and anguish tore through me at the look of devastation on his face. It took everything in me not to go to him, to comfort him, to tell him he was fucking mine, and I’d do anything to put the smile back on his face.
His bottom lip trembled, and he spun away from me, normally so light-footed, but he stumbled in his haste. Alyssa went with him, her face filled with concern as she said something to him, slipping her arm around his waist. He shook his head in response, and her shoulders slumped, but she carefully angled her umbrella over them both and hugged him into her, resting her head on his shoulder.
Through the haze of pain that still held me in a chokehold, I found myself grateful that he had someone looking out for him. Someone to care.
JJ was loved by so many people. My sunshine would be okay. The smile would be back on his face before long, and then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much. As long as he was happy, everything would be okay.
I kept reminding myself of that fact as I walked alone through the cold, rainy streets of London, to my flat that wasn’t a home.
27
Putting on a brave face. That statement had never been truer. I went through the motions, talking and laughing and teasing, but inside, I’d shut down. My friends were usually perceptive, and the only reason I managed to get away with it was because by the time I arrived at Revolve, they were all well on their way to being tipsy, if not drunk.
The only reason I’d agreed to come was because we were meant to be celebrating Shay’s upcoming overseas trip. He was going to be paid insane amounts of money to strut down catwalks and pose for photos in exotic locations. Tonight was his send-off, and everyone was in the mood to celebrate. Everyone except me.
Not that anyone knew. I hadn’t told anyone that Killian and I had decided to end things because I hadn’t even come to terms with it myself, and if I stayed in denial, I could almost pretend I hadn’t had my heart shattered. Almost.
I downed my fourth shot of the evening, slinging my arm around Niccolò’s waist as he bounced on his toes next to me. “Cheers to Shay, living his best life!”
My friends all raised their glasses. The lights swept over us, the music pounding through my bloodstream, but I felt nothing.
I was completely numb.
“Going to the bar!” I shouted at my dancing friends, and without giving them a chance to reply, I turned away, letting the pasted-on smile slip from my face.
When I reached the bar, Tom, one of the bartenders, took one look at me and immediately motioned for Cole to come over and serve me.
He studied me, his brows pulled together. “You look like you need a drink.”
“Yeah. I do. Whatever. Something alcoholic.”
His brows flew up. “What happened to flirty JJ? And the JJ who has very particular tastes when it comes to drinks?”
“He’s on hiatus.” Slumping against the bar, I sighed. “Just bring me something strong. Please.”
“Make him a Huxley.” Cole’s boyfriend appeared at my elbow. “And one for me, too.”
“You named a cocktail after him?” I stared at Cole, and he shrugged.
“Yeah. Why, you want me to name one after you?”
“That’s not happening,” Huxley warned us both, and Cole smirked at his boyfriend before turning serious again.
“I’ll make you both one. Extra vodka in yours, JJ.”
When Cole leaned over the bar to kiss Huxley after sliding our cocktails over, I turned on my heel and left. I didn’t care if I came across as rude; I couldn’t be around people in love.
Not tonight. It hurt too much.
The cocktail was delicious, but it did nothing to help. Giving up on using alcohol as a crutch, I downed a pint of water and then threw myself into dancing with my friends, radiating hostility towards any man who dared to enter my vicinity.
Eventually, I couldn’t take it any longer. Leaning over to Niccolò, I spoke in his ear. “Babe, I think I’m gonna leave now.”
