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“No.” Dark finally turned to look at her. “I think it’s better if you just leave,” he said flatly.
“Dark!” Light was getting angry now. Whatever his brother was feeling, it didn’t give him the right to ruin any future chance they had of spending time with the female they both cared for!
“No, it’s okay.” Lili shook her head and pulled her hand away from Dark’s shoulder as though she’d been burned. “I…I’d better go. Rachel is probably waiting for me.”
Her eyes were suddenly shiny and Light was sure she was about to cry.
“Lilibet, please—” he began. But she was already out of her seat and leaving the ship.
“Goodbye. Thanks for everything,” she choked out.
And then she was gone.
Light turned to his brother, anger boiling inside him.
“Why did you do that?” he demanded. “Why did you drive her away? You care for her as much as I do—maybe even more! I know you do.”
“It’s because I care for her that I sent her away,” Dark growled.
“What? How does that make sense?” Light demanded.
He was having the emotion he thought humans called “exasperation” and he didn’t bother to try and hide it.
“You heard her,” he told Dark. “She was willing to have a relationship with us—even if we couldn’t Bond her to us!”
“And what kind of relationship would that be?” Dark snapped, turning to glare at him.
“A relationship without a Bond? I mean, I know it would feel incomplete but it would be better than nothing,” Light argued. “We could still?—”
“I’m not talking about the fucking Bond, Brother,” Dark snarled. “I’m talking about when we share her—not that we can actually share. When we fuck her.”
“We made her come,” Light pointed out. “She didn’t seem to regret being intimate with us.”
“Well maybe I fucking regret it!” Dark nearly shouted. His eyes were blazing red and Light could see The Fury was taking hold of him.
“Dark…Brother…” He put a hand carefully on his twin’s arm. “Please, be calm. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Dark took a deep breath and blew it out. He rubbed his face with one hand and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Look,” he said at last and this time his voice didn’t sound angry. It sounded…sad. Light thought that was the emotion he was hearing, anyway. “Look,” he said again. “Think about it—every time we take Lili, it will be the same thing—I’ll be rough with her. The Berserker inside me won’t let it be any different. The Lust takes over me, the same way The Fury does and there’s no fucking fighting it.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to hurt her, Light. Next time, it might be even worse. What if I wounded her—what if I fucking killed her?”
“I don’t think you’d do that!” Light protested.
“But what if I did? It might be an accident, but she’d still be dead!” Dark exclaimed.
Light shook his head.
“I really don’t believe it would come to that, Brother. But I understand how upsetting it is for you feeling like you can’t control that part of yourself.”
“I wish the Tolleg who mixed our DNA had never added the fucking Berserker genes part to mine,” Dark said bleakly. “I know he was just trying to make me a better fighting machine for The Collective, but I’d rather be dead than have it inside me now.”
Light was shocked.
“Brother—you don’t mean that!”
“Yes, I fucking do!” Dark insisted. “The Berserker inside me keeps us from Joining—keeps us from being able to Bond with Lili. Keeps me from being able to be gentle with her when all I want to do is protect her and care for her. I really do think I’d be better off dead,” he added in a low voice.
“This is terrible, Dark! You can’t go on feeling such self-destructive emotions!”
