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Jesse looked sympathetic instead of sarcastic, though. “He’s not going to tell you that. I’m sure of it. Go talk to him. I’ll be right here until I know you don’t need me.” He pushed me forward, offering me an encouraging smile. God, my friends were the best.
I was shaking, which pissed me off, because I was Caden Conner. Everyone knew me. People loved me. They clambered to hang out with me. But I realized that if Jamie didn’t like me, none of that really mattered to me anymore. I glanced back at Jesse but continued toward the table where Jamie was sitting, because I refused to be a coward. Jesse was still waiting for me, and he gave me an encouraging nod. No one else was sitting outside that morning. Jamie didn’t notice me, apparently lost in thought, until I stopped right beside the table and said, “Hey.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin. He smacked his coffee cup as he jumped and it almost tipped over, but I caught it before it fell and only a little sloshed out. “Caden?” he said, looking up at me. He looked confused, maybe a little scared. Why was he scared? Was it because I’d startled him, or did he not want me bothering him?
“Can I sit?” I asked hesitantly. I wasn’t going to stay if he didn’t want me to. I just really, really hoped he wanted me to. I probably looked scared, too. I wasn’t sure how he would look at me after I’d searched him out like a needy, obsessed teenager. But he nodded.
I sat down across from him and looked at him, but he just looked back at me and neither of us said anything. Finally, I looked away. “Did I…do something wrong?” I asked him, letting my full vulnerability shine through. There was no use sugar coating anything, I just needed the truth. I was terrified I’d already messed everything up. I wasn’t sure that finding him had been the best idea, either, because if he told me he didn’t think we should see each other anymore, that would mess with my game, too. But I needed to know.
I dared a glance back at him, and he looked a little confused. “What? No. I…thought you’d want me to leave before everyone woke up. And before…before anyone else caught us. I also wasn’t sure, um, what you’d think of me this morning. And I guess I was too nervous to wait around and find out.”
So Jesse had been partly right, but then I was the one who was confused. “What do you mean, what I would think of you?”
He looked a little uncomfortable, like he didn’t really want to say what was on his mind. He glanced at me, then looked away. “I just…so many people at work think they can just give me money and I’ll spread my legs for them. And I know that some of the dancers there are like that, but I’m not, I swear! None of my friends there are, either. But because of what I do, everyone who knows always thinks I’m easy. It’s the main reason I try to keep my job on the down-low here. I’m not ashamed of what I do, but I don’t want people at school to get the wrong idea, then get drunk and think they can just have their way with me. I mean, I can’t say I haven’t fooled around with people at parties. I’m human and all. But it was always a consensual, one-time thing, just fooling around to get off, you know? I don’t hop right into bed with just anyone, and it’s been a long time since I’ve actually…and if I’m going out with someone I really like, I don’t normally…I mean, I have my own rules…but then you…and I just…I know it was only our first date, but I really like you, Caden.”
Wow. I’d never heard him ramble before. I suddenly realized just how human he was and that he wasn’t always as confident as he seemed. Maybe Jamie had been in his own box the whole time, albeit a different kind of box than mine. A tough one instead of a pretty one, one meant to protect him after years of pain.
I tried to sort through everything he was saying. He thought I’d think less of him because we’d given in on our first official date? Did he forget I was there, too? Before I could even get through everything and decide what to address first, he went on. “And your friend. He saw me. I mean, he must have, because he was there when I woke up. I guess I kind of panicked when I saw him, and I thought I should leave before anyone else figured it out. I hoped maybe he didn’t pay attention to your bed, or it was too dark when he came in to notice. If he saw me, I’m sure he thinks I’m just another of those dancers, too. I don’t know if he knew you were going out with me or even thinking about it, but I’m really sorry if he saw me. I should have left last night. I didn’t mean to cause you any problems.”
He looked worried that he’d messed up my entire life as he looked away and chewed at his thumbnail. All I could do, though, was let out a relieved breath. I was pretty sure it was all fixable, as long as I didn’t screw it up there at the coffee shop. “Slow down,” I said, “You were worried about Jesse seeing us? For my sake? I didn’t know you’d worry about him. He knew we were going on a date. He knew exactly how badly I wanted to go out with you, and that I ditched a team meeting for it. Hell, he’s the one who left the lube in the drawer,” I made a face as I added, “with a sticky note that said, ‘you’re welcome’ on it. God knows where he normally keeps it because I’ve never seen it before. He did see you when he came in, but all he took from it was confirmation of what he’d been rooting for all night. Us still together, and the knowledge that I hadn’t fucked it all up early in the night.”
He finally looked back at me, and the corners of his mouth twitched upward a tiny bit. I went on, “I didn’t mean for him to come in and see you, but I didn’t care for my own sake. I promise you, he doesn’t think any less of you, or think that you’re some kind of slut.” Was that too much? He was still listening. “And I promise you I never thought anything like that, either. Last night was…amazing. The entire night was the most amazing night I ever had, honestly. I really like you, too, and that’s how it got as far as it did. I know neither of us really planned on it ending that way, but by the time we got back here, I don’t think there was any stopping it. I hope you don’t think that’s why I went out with you.”
That one threw me a little. Once he’d voiced all of his worries, I became even more concerned that’s what he thought. That I’d gone out with him out of curiosity because I thought I could get him into bed easily since he was a stripper.
Relief flooded me when he shook his head. “No, that’s not what I thought. I could tell that wasn’t…planned.”
I couldn’t help the laugh that slipped out. I knew I was blushing. “I was that bad, huh?”
He laughed, too. “No. Definitely not bad. Terrified, maybe, but still eager, and you overcame the fear pretty quickly.”
I put my face in my hands because it was on fire by that point. “Ugh, sorry. I was nervous I would fuck it all up. Or suck at it. Or come before anything happened.” He gave another little laugh, and I looked up at him. “But I promise you, Jamie. I never thought you were easy. I know it was impossible not to give in at that point, because I was there, too, remember?” He nodded. “I also knew there was a chance Jesse would come home. I’m sorry, I hoped he’d stay out all night, but I guess I wasn’t really thinking about how you would feel if he came back, because I knew he wouldn’t care. I was just feeling so good about everything that I didn’t think about the possibility of awkwardness in the morning. That was my bad.”
Jamie leaned back in his chair, looking slightly confused again. “So you didn’t care that your roommate saw us in bed together like that?”
“Not at all. I know I haven’t told most people, but my closest friends know how I feel about you, and that we went on a date yesterday. The ones you…um…met at the club. To be honest, last night I was so happy I was hoping to take you to breakfast this morning. I didn’t even care who saw us leaving together. So when you left, I was afraid I’d done something wrong. Or that I was a really bad lay.”
He laughed out loud. “No, you did everything right,” he said with a little smirk, “And if it seemed to you that I was having a bad time, you must have been high or something. Because I definitely was not.”
I grinned and looked around. “Well, this isn’t the diner I planned on taking you to this morning, but I guess it will do. I’ll be right back.” He watched curiously as I stood up and headed into the coffee shop. I glanced at the spot where Jesse leaned on a tree, watching me with a little smile. When he caught my eye, he grinned wider and gave me a little wave as he headed back in the direction of our dorm. I went inside and headed to the counter, ordering my usual drink and a few pastries so Jamie could choose what he wanted. I brought them back to the table and sat the food in the middle, sitting down across from him with my own coffee.
He smiled almost shyly at me as he took a chocolate croissant. “Thanks,” he said softly, “Sorry I took off like that. I should have at least woke you up to tell you bye. I thought I was doing the right thing. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Hey, no worries, ok? I’m just glad we got it figured out. And you look damn good this morning by the way.” His smile got brighter.
As we ate, I looked up at him. “You coming to the game tonight?”
He looked apologetic. “Oh, man, I wish I could. I have to work tonight, though.”
I tried not to let the thought of a bunch of men ogling the guy I’d just slept with make me jealous. I knew what he did for a living when I asked him out. He wasn’t my property, and it wasn’t like I could beg him to quit after going on a date with him. I knew he wasn’t one of those dancers he spoke of, but the thought of Weird Wally did still unnerve me. And was he the only one? Or were there others who were just as creepy? “It’s ok, I get it,” I said, “Just…be careful, yeah?”
He knew what I was trying to say. “I will.”
“Hey,” I spoke up suddenly, “Can I get your phone number?” He laughed and pulled out his phone so we could send each other a text. He was obviously also unsure why that wasn’t something we’d already done, and it made me realize that maybe neither of us were really that savvy when it came to actual relationships. I was just glad I wasn’t the only one.
???
Well. Jamie’s ass was lucky or something because that night’s game was the best I’d ever played. The other team didn’t score a point. The entire game. Maybe I was still riding on the high of the best sex of my life, but I was going to go with the fact that Jamie was my lucky charm.
