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“Yeah,” Declan put in, “Any friend of Caden’s is a friend of ours. Welcome to our humble abode.”
It was anything but humble, but it was time to assess how true his other words were. They were the only ones on the porch besides me and had obviously been hiding in the dark with a joint they didn’t want to share with a hundred other party goers. I was sure Brody hadn’t noticed them there when he decided harassing Jamie was a good idea. He was long gone by then.
“Hey,” I said to Jamie, walking down the porch steps.
Jamie smiled at me, but his face was troubled. “Hey.” He was so beautiful. He still had a little make-up on, and his face was shimmering in the faint light of the house and the nearby streetlight. He usually washed all the make-up off before he left the club, so that made me think he’d left in a hurry. He was wearing a lavender T-shirt that was too big for him and a pair of black skinny jeans with holes all up the legs.
I knew he expected me to have him come inside or go somewhere private where we could talk, but I wasn’t ready to go talk quite yet. I stopped right in front of him, closer than I normally got in mixed company. “You look really nice,” I said. He looked a little confused that I was all up in his personal space when I was aware that two of my teammates were right there. I could feel their eyes on me, but I didn’t look back to try to figure out what they were thinking.
“Thanks,” he said simply, but there was an unmistakable question there.
I answered the question by putting my finger under his chin and tilting his face toward mine. I saw the brief look of shock before I closed the distance and met his lips with my own. It was just a sweet kiss, but as soon as I pulled back, his eyes snapped open wide. He immediately looked over at my teammates.
“Yo!” Tyler cried, but then said, “Wait.” He was high as hell. He looked at Declan. “Wait. Is this something we’re already supposed to know? Wait, is this something we already do know, and I just forgot?”
Declan shrugged. “Well, I didn’t know. So I think you’re good.”
“Or maybe you forgot, too, dude,” Tyler said, “It feels like maybe Caden already told us this. I think we already knew.”
He had Declan confused. Declan scrunched up his face, and they both looked at me. “Did we already know?” Declan asked me.
The fact that they both thought it could be something they already knew, and it had been uneventful enough to them that they forgot made me feel pretty confident that they wouldn’t have any problems with it. “No,” I said, “I don’t think anyone really knows except a couple of our friends.”
They both looked like an epiphany had just shone down on them. They nodded. “Ooooh,” Declan grinned, “I got you, bro. We’re all good.”
Tyler gave me finger guns and winked. “Right, dude. What happens in the front yard of the frat house stays in the front yard of the frat house, you get me?” I couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped me. Tyler went on, “Also, I mean, if you guys are interested, there are some pretty cozy bedrooms on the third floor. And they’re the freshmen rooms, so don’t even worry about trying to keep the sheets clean. They’ll be ok.” The two of them laughed and high-fived each other at the thought of messing with their first-year frat brothers.
Declan added, “Plus, those lightweights will pass out on the living room floor within the hour. You won’t be disturbed up there.”
As absolutely not inviting as his invitation sounded, I still needed to find out what the hell had happened to upset Jamie so badly. We had to get away from the frat house for that. I knew he didn’t really want to have a deep conversation in a loud place full of people and the worst memories. “Appreciate it, but we have to go,” I said, grabbing Jamie’s hand and pulling him away from the house.
“Later guys,” they both called out, then sat back down on the bench in the darkness to finish their joint. It was as though I hadn’t made a major life decision just then. It was like it was no big deal that I was dating a guy, and it was no different to them than if I’d just introduced them to the latest chick I was banging.
Jamie and I walked to the little park between the frat houses and our dorms and sat down on a fountain in the shadows. The old fashion pathway lamps cast a soft glow nearby, and the sound of the water behind us was soothing. It seemed like a good place to talk. “Hey,” I said, glancing around to make sure no one was lurking nearby and trying to eavesdrop, “What’s wrong? What happened?”
Jamie was stuck on the present, and he was looking at me in awe. “You kissed me,” he said softly, “Right in front of them.”
I smiled since he’d totally ignored my question. “Yes, I was there for that part,” I said with a laugh. He gave a little smile, but I still saw pain in his eyes. I pressed my forehead to his. “Jamie I love you. I told you I want you and I told you I’m trying. It’s…not easy for me after all this time, but I really, really want this. I want everyone to know. I’m so proud of you. I’m just…scared.” It wasn’t easy for me to admit, even though it was obvious. I hated showing weakness and rarely voiced my fears aloud. It was all a part of that box. I was pretty sure I’d only ever mentioned fear about coming out right after our fight.
“I know,” he whispered.
I took his hand and rubbed it in my own. I loved his hands. So lithe and delicate yet calloused at the palms from the pole. “Jamie, what happened? Was it Wally?” I really hoped not, because if it was, he should have had me meet him at the club rather than ride home by himself and walk alone to the frat house.
He shook his head. “No, it wasn’t him this time. I just saw someone I never expected to see again, and it threw me for a loop. I really needed to see you. I…Caden…” He looked somewhere between tears and hyperventilating, and I was beyond worried about him.
“Jamie, who was it?” I put an arm around him and pulled him to me to try to calm him down. He flinched when I did, which worried me even more. He didn’t pull away from me though, in fact he melted into me.
“It was…one of the men who fostered me when I was younger. One of the guys who…the one I ran away from the time I hid in the woods…I…he kept looking at me like he knew me from somewhere but couldn’t figure out who I was. I was already onstage when I realized he was there, and I couldn’t just back out. I tried to play it off, but I was so shaken by him that I fell off the pole. It’s the first time I’ve ever fallen there. I haven’t fallen since I was practicing, way before I started working at Club Adonis. He really fucked with my head.”
I suddenly grew even more worried about the flinch he’d given, and I pulled back a little, trying to check him over. “Jamie, are you okay?”
“Yeah. It’s just a couple of bruises.” But when I pulled his sleeve up a bit, I found his entire left elbow black and blue. I didn’t believe him then, so I pulled up his shirt to find a large, angry looking bruise over his ribs on his left side.
“Jamie, are you sure nothing is broken? Maybe we should get you to the hospital, just to check.”
“I’m ok, Caden, I promise. Nothing’s broken, I swear. I’m just going to be sore. These two guys, an older married couple who come into the club all the time, rushed up there after I fell, pretending to just give me tips but they were worried and kind of blocking me from the crowd. They’re always really nice to me. They’re respectful of all the dancers, and they give the best tips but are never inappropriate at all. They were actually at the table next to you the first night you guys were there.”
I remembered the guys who’d told us we were in for a treat because Raven was there, with no clue that we knew him. I also thought about how our presence had shaken him a little that night, but it hadn’t thrown his composure enough that he’d faltered, even a little bit. To cause him to fall, it would have to be really bad. I wished I’d been there to help him, but I was glad that someone in the audience was looking out for him.
