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“I’m glad to hear that Dad is fine. I have to go now.” This was Julie’s work with herself, setting firm boundaries with her parents, and that included stepping away the moment they brought up John. It didn’t surprise her that her mom used her father’s health to find a way to sneak in news about him. That was par for the course. But now that her mom had, it was up to Julie to reinforce the boundary and step away from the conversation.
“Oh, I thought you were calling because you wanted to talk to me. It’s been forever since we’ve really talked.” This was the hardest part because she could hear the genuine disappointment in her mom’s voice.
She didn’t doubt that her parents loved her; it was just that their love came with expectations that veered dangerously close to outright conditions. They didn’t understand why she didn’t want the same things for herself that they wanted for her. They were utterly convinced they knew best what would make her happy, and they were baffled by her resistance to that happiness.
“I know, Mom, but I told you I’m not available to talk about John. I’m glad to hear that Dad is doing well, and I will talk to you later.” She hung up the phone over her mother’s protests that she was being too sensitive and overdramatic, then bent over the desk so she could gently bang her head against the hard wood several times.
The first few times, she’d made the mistake of wavering, of believing her mom was right that she was unreasonable for hanging up after ‘just one slip-up.’ She quickly learned that giving that inch meant being knocked over for a mile. The only way she had any success with getting her mom to respect her boundaries was by enforcing them constantly and consistently without even a hint of leeway.
She already knew the next time she talked to her mom, she’d get an earful about how rude she’d been this time, and her mom wouldn’t acknowledge why Julie had hung up on her, but she also wouldn’t bring up John again for at least another five to six phone calls. That was up from three to four phone calls, which was last year.
Maybe one day, it would finally be the end, and Julie wouldn’t have to hear about John at all. She doubted that, though. While her parents were thoroughly invested in him, that was due to the fact they thought she and John still belonged together. Why the man just couldn’t find someone else to date, she didn’t know… unless all the other women in the area were smarter than her and saw through his charming exterior to the hidden misogynist who would do his best to crush their dreams and personality in favor of being his sweet little wife.
Julie had nothing but respect for stay-at-home spouses and parents, but she’d never wanted to be one, and she vehemently rejected the idea that she should be one just because she was an Asian woman. Granted, at least her parents were supportive of her having her own job, but they insisted that, of course, John’s career came first.
He was a doctor, after all, and she was a wife. Was she looking down on stay-at-home wives and mothers?
It was insidious, that kind of gaslighting.
Sometimes, she wondered if her parents’ manipulations were why she’d gotten interested in psychology in the first place when she’d realized that not everyone’s parents were like that.
Someone knocked on the open office door, which she probably should have closed, but she’d known the call wouldn’t take long. And it wasn’t like this was her day job. She spent most evenings at Marquis, the kink club she belonged to and where she was also a kink educator.
“Everything okay?” Olivia, Marquis’ manager, asked from the doorway, sounding both concerned and amused.
The other Dominatrix had become one of Julie’s best friends, so she didn’t hesitate when answering, knowing Olivia would immediately understand.
“Call from my mom.” That was all that needed to be said.
“Ah. Well, I’ve got something that could either cheer you up or make things worse.” As Olivia approached the desk, Julie lifted her head to see what she was talking about. There was a huge box of cookies in her arms. Not just any box. Julie’s favorite box. The ones that were available only in the lead-up to the holiday season.
They could only be from one person.
“Another secret admirer gift?”
Was it sad that having a secret admirer perked her up so much? Maybe. But it felt nice to be admired for who she really was. It felt nice to have someone pay attention to her likes and dislikes and act on them. It was even nicer not to have any kind of reciprocity expected.
She knew it drove Law, her co-instructor for the classes at Marquis, absolutely nuts. He was convinced there was something nefarious behind all the gifts. Julie had been a little nervous at first, along with flattered. Part of her had even wondered if John had finally decided to step up and try to win her back with something more than an admonishment.
It's time to stop being ridiculous, Julie. You’ve had your little tantrum, done your little show. I know you’re serious now. If working really means that much to you, I won’t stand in your way.
Julie gave herself a little shake. She knew the reason John’s voice kept popping into her head was because her mother had brought him back. He’d quiet down by the time she went to bed tonight, then stay that way until the next time her mom gave her an update.
“These are your favorite, right?” Olivia asked, putting them down on the desk in front of Julie.
She was relieved it was Olivia here tonight and not Law. Even though she appreciated his concern and knew he had a few valid points, she couldn’t deal with his particular brand of overprotectiveness right now. Especially over something she had become more and more convinced was harmless over the months as gifts kept arriving.
That was also what had ultimately convinced her they were definitely not from John. He’d never be able to go so long without getting recognition for his effort. The man expected to be applauded for the bare minimum. She couldn’t imagine what kind of adulation he’d want for going above and beyond.
“They are.” Julie stared at the card on top of the box. It was bigger than the cards that normally came with her gifts. Normally, she got very short notes. “And they’re only available at this time of year.”
“Interesting. What’s the note say?” Olivia perched on the edge of Julie’s desk—well, the desk she shared with Law in their office—and peered down at it with interest. The pencil skirt she was wearing meant she had to cross her legs to do so, making her look like a very prim, redheaded librarian. Since she was clearly more interested than judgmental, Julie didn’t mind her sitting there as she opened it.
It really was longer than the previous ones.
“What does it say?” Olivia asked again after a moment. Julie closed the card and looked up at her friend contemplatively.
“I’m not going to tell you.”
