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“I figure we might as well drink it now before it starts getting warm out.”
“I’d argue that hot chocolate is good no matter what the weather is outside.”
“And I won’t hold that against you.”
Our banter continues the whole way to the cafe, and it’s so much fun the fifteen-minute drive goes by in a flash. Payton’s not lying about the hot chocolate. It’s by far the best I’ve ever had. “You were right about getting the one with peanut butter in it,” I tell her. “Oh my god.”
The door to the cafe opens and when I look over, I can’t believe my eyes. “No way,” I say before breaking into a giggle.
When Payton gives me a questioning look, I lean closer to her. “Don’t look now, but the guy who just walked in is the first person I ever kissed. I was eleven and starting to have feelings for girls, so I kissed him at summer camp to prove I wasn’t gay.”
“How did that go for you?” Payton asks with a laugh.
“It definitely cleared up a lot.”
We both laugh together. “Been there.” As soon as the words are out, Payton puts her hand over her mouth, which tells me she didn’t mean to say that.
I don’t want to push it, but at the same time, I need to know. “What do you mean?”
“I kissed Eli when we were ten years old and immediately threw up afterward. Eli still claims it’s because we ate pizza that had been sitting out overnight, but I’m sticking to the fact that it felt like I was kissing my brother. Plus, Eli used to eat bugs. Who wants to kiss someone who eats bugs?”
“Has it gotten better? You know… the kissing?” And is it with girls now?
“Wouldn’t know. Haven’t done it since.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean with Eli. I mean overall.”
“I… umm… I haven’t kissed anyone else.” She puts her hand over her face. “That’s really embarrassing to admit. I…” She lowers her hands and also her voice. “I like girls.”
I have to stop myself from doing a happy dance because I can tell that wasn’t easy for Payton to admit. “In case you didn’t know, I’m completely cool with that.”
I’m happy when Payton laughs at my dumb joke. “Yeah. I kind of figured that.” Her face becomes serious and she stares down at her hands. “I haven’t told many people.”
I reach across the table and put my hand on top of hers. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.”
Even though I don’t want to, I quickly pull my hand away. Since she’s not out, I’m sure the last thing Payton wants is to be seen in public holding hands with another girl.
“Thank you, Marjorie.” Payton looks deep into my eyes and it’s right there. That connection. The pull. There’s no way I’m imagining it.
Now the question is what I do with it. I have so much to sort out myself, and Payton isn’t even out. All I can do is let time run its course. Enjoy the present and try not to overthink what’s to come. That’s easier said than done.
I change the subject to something lighter and the heaviness of the moment is quickly forgotten. When we get back to Payton’s house, I turn off my car and walk her to the door.
I shove my hands deep in my pockets and bounce up and down. I have so much nervous energy, I have no idea what to do with it. “Thanks for hanging out with me tonight. I had a lot of fun.”
“Thank you. For everything.”
Even though she doesn’t say it, we both know what she’s talking about. I’m not sure what to say next, but my mouth takes care of that before my brain has a chance to overthink it. “Just so you know I’m still exchanging notes with the mystery girl.” There. Honesty. The best way to go.
“I know. I mean, I kind of figured.”
I rock back and forth and watch my feet as I do. “Yeah, so… um… I just… uh, wanted you to know that, because… yeah.”
“Do you still not wanna know who she is?”
Payton’s question takes me by surprise, so I’m not sure how to answer. “I don’t think she wants me to know.”
“But, what do you want?”
