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“You good?” Jackson asks.
“Yeah.” I pat his chest. “I have you, and that’s all I need.”
Chapter 23
Dove
Jackson and the other wolves are handed clothes, and I help him dress, not liking how shaky he still is. Wyatt is starting to come around, and it takes the combined effort of Cade and Sawyer to hold him up and dress him. He’s like a rag doll, his limbs boneless and his eyes heavy.
We recover our bags from the destroyed remnants of our cabin, and when we’re all ready, we make our way to the main house. I try not to focus on the bodies or the smell of blood as we walk through the battlefield. Tessa gags a few times as we pass the mangled corpses of both hunters and tau we couldn’t save.
Guilt knots in my stomach, the ugly feeling tearing through me like poison. Killing our own doesn’t sit right. These females were under the influence of magic, and they didn't deserve to die, but we had to protect ourselves.
I try not to focus on the dead, watching Wyatt’s back instead. He's draped over his cousins, Cade and Sawyer, his legs dragging with every step. The vargr wolf is in bad shape, and all because he threw himself into danger to protect the rest of us. I didn’t know Wyatt liked us that much—he was always a little moody and something of an outsider.
I keep my arm wrapped around Jackson, though he barely allows me to carry any of his weight. Some in Callum’s group are also injured, but we didn’t lose anyone, and that’s all that matters. The same can’t be said for the Order whose bodies still litter the ground where they fell, marring the beautiful landscape. Even if we stayed, this would never feel like home again after today. It’s dirty. Wrong. They came through those wards without any trouble. All those nights we slept easily, thinking we were safe, were a lie.
Leaving feels like the right decision, but the tension across my shoulders is so tight that it makes my neck ache. We have to take this leap of faith, but that is a scary thing to do when the risk is so high. I’m not naive enough to believe that Callum is innocent either. We are being used in this war in ways we do not understand, and I can’t help but wonder if I am leading us into an even more desperate situation.
“You’re thinking too hard,” Jackson accuses, as if he can read my mind.
I don’t know how he can be so in tune with me without a bond in place, but I swear sometimes it’s as if he knows me better than I know myself.
“Sorry.”
He stops walking, letting the others get ahead of us, before taking my hands in his large palms. I raise my eyes to meet his, getting lost for a moment in his orbs. He really does have beautiful eyes. They’re not like mine. My gray irises are a reminder of who I was, and I don’t like seeing them in the mirror.
“You’re worried.”
I shrug. “I would be crazy not to be. This whole situation is completely insane.”
He lets go of one of my hands so he can cup the side of my neck. I don’t know what it is, but when he collars my throat, it makes me feel a certain way. I like how possessive it seems, as if he is unable to spend even a moment not touching me.
His eyes drop to the claiming mark he put on my skin, and I swear I see a hint of satisfaction there. I know the others saw it too. Halle gave me a curious look amid all the chaos, as did Tessa, but there wasn’t time to discuss it.
“Do you trust me?”
I frown at the question. “Of course I do.”
“Then trust me to keep you safe no matter what we do.”
“I know you won’t let anything happen to me.” I truly do believe that. “But I’m more concerned about what you might do to keep that promise.”
He smiles at me, even through the weakness I know he must be feeling. “There’s nothing I won’t do to keep you safe, sweetheart. I won’t ever apologize for that.”
I turn away from him, overcome with the emotions bubbling through me. Halle and Roux watch me and smile, and it makes me feel good to know these people care about me. That we may come to be friends in time. In the facility, I was a number, nothing more.
Only Clover cared about me. She’s another reason I have to fight the Order.
“I’m scared. I know I shouldn’t admit that, but it feels as if there is a knot in my stomach all the time.”
He pulls me against him, pressing a kiss to my forehead, and wraps his arms around me. “Everything will be okay.”
“If something does happen to me, I don’t want you to dwell on it, Jackson. You have to keep moving forward with your life.”
He pulls back, his eyes dark and stormy. “Don’t fucking talk like that.” The words are raspy and raw. It churns my insides.
“I want you to promise me.”
