AllFreeNovel
Share Us
When Marilyn finally appeared from the house, she looked like she was upset and had been crying. There was no one following her, so when she finally stopped at a coffee shop that wasn’t too far away, I got out because I had to see her. I hadn’t thought that I would be jumping out in a parking lot to make sure that it was all okay, but where would be better?
“Marilyn?”
She jumped when she saw me and heard her name. I wanted to tell Marilyn that it was all going to be okay, because she looked all kinds of freaked out. I told her that everything was okay, but she didn’t seem like that was a big deal to her. Her dark hair was down, eyes were glimmering, and her perfect face was expressing her surprise. All I could see was her beauty shining through. She was gorgeous.
“Hal, what are you doing here?” Marilyn asked, looking around like she was being watched or something. Was she? I hadn’t seen anyone, but to be fair, I hadn’t been looking at much else other than her. Marilyn was hard to take my eyes off of. I hadn’t thought that Jesse would have her followed, though I could see why he would do it. He was afraid of losing her, as I had been. It was misery, I knew that much for sure.
“I had to see you,” I answered simply. That was the only answer I had, the one that mattered. I had to see her and that was why I was standing there in front of her. I knew that she was pregnant, but to see her and the change within, I was devastated in a whole new way. “You look beautiful,” I commented without being able to stop myself. She did look absolutely gorgeous, and it must have been the pregnancy glow that everyone liked to talk about. It was certainly present with Marilyn, and it was hard to take my eyes off of her. Marilyn was downright radiant.
Marilyn’s gaze softened and she said something about there being a problem if Jesse knew that I was there. I didn’t care about Jesse, would have said it if I thought that it was necessary to say. It was all I could do to not kiss her. I was itching to, dying to, and she just looked at me like I wasn’t really there. I finally touched her arm, though I didn’t know if it was to convince me or her that this was really happening. It might have very well been me that needed the reminder. I was trying my best to figure out how I was going to work, but then there was another part of me, and I didn’t want to talk about it.
“I had to see you, Marilyn. I hear you are pregnant and getting married. I guess I had to see it to really believe it.” My voice trailed off, my eyes went to her middle. I couldn’t believe that she was carrying a child inside of her. How wild was that?
The words were said so casually, though I will admit that I was likely trying to get some kind of reaction from her. I got one and it was hard to say how I felt about it. Marilyn wasn’t exactly the sort of person that panicked much, but that was the only way that I could describe the look that she was giving me.
“Who told you that I was pregnant and getting married?” She wanted to know.
I shrugged. “It’s true though, isn’t it? Imagine my surprise when I found out that you were going to be marrying Jesse. What are you thinking? You know how dangerous he is.”
Marilyn shook her head that it wasn’t true, though I could see that she didn’t know what was going on. I tried to remind her of the fire, and she at once talked about how just because it was an arson, it didn’t mean that it was him. She even suggested that it could have been me trying to get me away.
I scoffed. “If you really believe that, Marilyn, then we have nothing to talk about. I hope you are happy with your decisions.” I turned to walk away, so mad that she would even suggest it. Hurt really would be the better term and the more honest one. I was pissed off that she would think such a thing. I was only a few feet away before I felt her touch on my shoulder.
“I don’t believe that, Hal. I know that you wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt me. Well, besides dump me. You did that with no problem, and it crushed me, but I know that I don’t have to fear you in a physical sense. You are just hard on the heart. Fool me twice, right? It’s my own fault for falling for you for a second time. I knew what it was and what you wanted. I made it more than it was.” Her voice trailed off, and I hated to hear the pain from the lie in her tone. She sounded so damn sad.
She was too close, practically touching me with most of her body. What else was I supposed to do but give her a kiss? All I had to do was lean forward a little bit and our lips touched. It was like a bolt of lightning that went through us and before too long, I had her wrapped in my arms. I didn’t seem to care that we were in the parking lot, and she was engaged to another man. Marilyn was still mine and proclaiming that she had fallen for me a second time, it was too much to hold back from anymore. All I could do was take in what she said and show her with my touch that I wanted her badly.
When I pulled back, her eyes were closed and when they finally opened, they were dilated. The kiss had met its mark and before too much longer, I knew that I was going to have to figure out a way for it all to work. My hands were trembling. What was I thinking? She was marrying another man, carrying his child. Why did I think for a moment that anything was going to change those facts? I was delusional if I thought so.
Marilyn finally looked around and then smiled. “You still have that way of kissing me, Hal. God, you don’t know what you do to me,” Marilyn said wistfully. I wanted to know what else she was going to say, but instead I just nodded my head. What else was I supposed to do? She was making herself known, and I was going to have to do the same. Why was I afraid of it, her? She carried so much power over me and didn’t even realize it. What did that mean for us?
I finally asked the question that I couldn’t stand to not know the answer to any longer. “Why did you go back to him, Marilyn? Did you think that Jesse would keep you safe from me?” It was literal torture to have to ask that question. I was holding my breath for the answer and when it came, I was able to release the large draw of breath that I had instinctively held. I didn’t know why, but hearing that Marilyn wasn’t afraid of me was all I needed to hear. Before, the very idea of it had been devastating. I still thought it was for the best, even after such a perfect kiss, but how did I get her to understand it? It felt like I had hurt her.
“I don’t know what happened, Hal. He just showed up and never left. You know?”
No, I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. “I didn’t give you space so that you could get back with him. He is bad news, Marilyn. I can’t believe you let him impregnate you and now you are going to marry him. Many guys would be a better father than him.”
Marilyn got angry and scoffed. “Many, but not all.”
It was a knock to me because I had broken up with her again, but I didn’t have a choice. I knew that I had done it for a reason, but would that reason have changed if I knew what she would have done when I pushed her away? She found someone else, which is what I wanted. I just never would have imagined that it would be Jesse that she went back to. This was all my fault.
“Marilyn, you have to know that everything I did was for you. You were afraid of me, still are I bet. You’re better off without me, and I am better off never seeing the fear in your eyes again.”
She had her mouth open to fight me on it. I could see her protest just right there. She was going to tell me off, something, but she decided not to. Her mouth closed and she just got this look like she wasn’t sure how to proceed. It was just a big mess, that’s all it was.
Marilyn pulled her arm away. “Well, you have come here and saw what you wanted to see, right?”
I agreed that I had. She was happy or at least this was what she wanted. It didn’t matter how I felt about it or anything like that. It just mattered that Marilyn had made the decision to be with Jesse. It didn’t matter how much I liked or disliked it; I knew that nothing else was going to do.
She wouldn’t look at me after a moment, once it was over, the connection severed. Could she feel the difference, the coolness in the air like I did? It felt different between us and that saddened me. When we kissed, there had been so many possibilities, but this wasn’t what I’d hoped for. I was still going to have to walk away from her, and it was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do, again.
I looked back once before I got back in the car and Marilyn was looking down. I didn’t see her look up or the state she was in when she did it. I just knew that Marilyn was just as far away as she had always been.
Why did I feel like I had made the biggest mistake of my life? The certainty of my failure was imminent and although I had no idea why I felt the way I did, it was a feeling that I just couldn’t shake, no matter how much I tried.
I didn’t know what I had expected coming to see her. Had I expected her to beg me to save her? It was likely what I had hoped. It was never a hope of mine that Marilyn would think that I didn’t love her. She had wanted to say more and do more, I saw it in her eyes, but what happened after that?
Why had I gotten my hopes up? I had just come to make sure that everything was okay, and it was. I should have been happy that Marilyn had moved on and was starting a family. She deserved happiness, more than me. So, why was it so hard to be happy for her? Why did I want to pull her back into my arms and kiss her until she wouldn’t refuse me again? It didn’t seem that hard to manage, but anything short of having her was a disappointment.
