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“I’d like permission to leave the family.” I sounded stronger than I felt as I clasped my hands in front of me to stop them from shaking.

“What?” Cole’s brow furrowed as he turned to stare at me from a chair in front of Vander’s desk. He was Mitchell and Vander’s cousin and looked very little like them.

His hair was blonde, and he was slimmer. Still muscular, but not overly so. He was also the nicest of all of them. I wasn’t sure he actually did anything illegal; from what I could tell, he ran their nightclub Luminescence.

“Why?” My heart jumped in my chest as Angelo’s voice came from my right. He stood leaning against the wall in the shadows. He was one of Cole’s brothers and had a habit of lurking in the dark to hide the burn scars on his face.

Vander hadn’t said a word, but his strong, perfectly carved jaw tightened the tiniest bit. I wouldn’t have noticed it except we’d spent a lot of time together recently. I wasn’t sure how it happened, but after Mitchell’s death, he’d moved from the penthouse two floors down to this one.

Maybe that’s just what they did when a new leader came to power. Or maybe they wanted to keep an eye on me so I wouldn’t spill their secrets. The thought had crossed my mind, and it was the reason I hadn’t asked to leave until now. But I couldn’t stay in this place one more goddamn minute.

“Mitchell has been gone for a year.” I held my head up, not bothering to pretend it hurt to talk about my former husband. “I’d like my life back.”

I didn’t know if they were aware of the abuse I suffered. But I wasn’t about to say it. It hurt too much to admit. To tell them how stupid I’d been. How weak for staying.

Vander stared at me for another moment. I had the disconcerting feeling he could read my thoughts. My muscles tightened in fear as he reached into his pocket. He kept his gaze on me as he flicked the knife open. I flinched, hating the weakness as the blade gleamed in the morning sun streaming through the windows. He twirled it between his fingers, and I fought to keep my gaze from falling to it.

My chest constricted, only releasing when he finally spoke. “It’s our duty to take care of you in his absence. Especially considering the circumstances of his death.”

Not death, murder. He didn’t die in his sleep or in the hospital. Someone shot him right in front of my eyes.

I’d wanted him dead, but sometimes I still felt his blood on my skin. Felt it in my soul like I’d somehow brought my wish to life. Like my constant prayers to a god I didn’t believe in, had finally been granted.

“I don’t need to be taken care of. Mitchell left me enough money in his will to survive on my own. I’d like to leave.”

My heart beat hard on my ribs as I held myself tight. Held in the secrets. I wanted to scream at them that I was dying here. That if I spent another day in these walls, I was sure to fling myself over the second-floor railing just to make the pain stop.

“Why?” I turned, looking at the final cousin. While peculiar, Nathan was never unkind. More like he didn’t understand what he said was wrong. It was clear in his looks that he and Cole were brothers, but not in his personality. “You’re protected. You live well. There’s nothing you could want that we couldn’t give you. I believe financial security is what most people seek in life. You have that here.”

I’d give up every last dollar if I could erase my six-year marriage. If my baby could have been born. If I could make Mitchell’s murderer spare that tiny life.

My eyes burned. My throat closed. I looked at Cole, and for the first time since I said ‘I do,’ I told someone the truth.

“I want a child.” I choked out the words. “You can’t give me that.”

“You want to get married again?” Vander’s voice drew me to him. I couldn’t read his expression, but it didn’t matter. The truth was spilling out of me now. Or at least as much of the truth as I was willing to give.

“No. I want a child, and I have money. There are places you can go where you don’t need a husband.”

I had no desire to tie myself to a man again. I would never trust myself to tell the good ones from the bad.

The one thing Mitchell had given me was his money. It meant I didn’t need another person for financial support. I didn’t need to work. He’d probably only done it because it would’ve looked bad otherwise. He probably didn’t expect to die first.

“Absolutely not.” I felt myself shrinking under Vander’s harsh tone.

At that moment, he sounded so much like my husband I found it hard to breathe. My body tensed, waiting for his temper to break. For him to take it out on my flesh.

“Now, wait a second.” Cole held up his hand. His eyes flicked between Vander and me, whose fist was clenched, resting on his desk. I knew firsthand how much that fist would hurt if it connected with my body. Not to mention the pain of the knife he twirled in his other hand.

“If you’d like a child, I think we can come to an arrangement. The Gallos are still looking for an alliance. Matteo just promoted Ethan and Andre. A marriage to either of them would seal the deal.”

“No!” Vander and I shouted at the same time. I was in too much of a panic to care why he had such a powerful reaction.

“I won’t marry again.” I sucked a heavy breath into my lungs, trying to shove down the anxiety that threatened to drown me.

All eyes flew to me. My mind raced; what lie could I tell? How could I justify my extreme response?

“I watched my husband get murdered in front of me. I won’t go through that again. I won’t marry another mobster.”

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