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“Let me be there for you like you’re always there for me. Next time don’t walk away from us. You and me, remember? Life is always going to throw us curve balls, and it will be hard, but you can’t walk away. Honey, what you have been through is more than any one person should have to deal with, but let me help you when you feel it’s all too much. I love you, Jonathan, like I have never loved anybody else. I need to know that you aren’t going to walk away. That is something that I can’t live in fear of. I have always built up my walls to avoid being left because I have always thought that I wasn’t enough. You make me feel like I’m enough, Georgia. We can get through anything as long as we walk through it together. Promise me that if we do this you aren’t going to walk away again.”
I can tell that this isn’t what he was expecting. Was he expecting my rejection? I hate that he really thought I would quit on him or us. I can see in his eyes that he really didn’t expect the words that I have just given him. I see my words slowly sink in and his face starts to relax.
“Gracie, I need to kiss you . . . now.”
With the words on his lips he leans forward, and in the way he knows I love, he gently strokes his thumb over my cheek. With his big hands engulfing my face, he finally kisses me! He starts gentle, but within seconds the gentle is gone. We are both kissing each other with a fierceness that is unlike anything we’ve experienced before. Without even realizing it, my legs are wrapped around his waist and I am in his lap. After a while we both need to come up for air, and while we gather ourselves he places small kisses on the corners of my mouth, my forehead, my chin, my nose and both cheeks. I have never felt so cherished.
“Baby, I promise you I will never walk away again. I will never hurt you again as long as I live. I don’t know if I am worthy of your love or your forgiveness, but it makes me feel like more of a man than I have ever felt to know that you are giving me both. I love you so damn much, Gracie. I love you so much it scares the shit out of me. I don’t ever want to let go of us.”
“Don’t let go then.”
And there it is . . . one of those precious dimples pops out and I feel like all is right in the world again.
“I don’t plan on it.”
We sit on our bench and watch the October sun set. We lean on each other like we should have been doing these last couple of weeks.
We continue to talk, and Jonathan says that he finally realizes that he needs to see somebody about losing his mom and Matt, and also about this recent shooting. He plans on making an appointment to talk to somebody in the morning. He also says that he thinks he should apologize to Ireland for being MIA these last couple weeks, but I tell him to stop beating himself up and that she’s four. She knew he had been hurt and was recovering. Although it does mean a lot that he would think to offer this to her, but there is no need to confuse her when she really had no idea that there was anything wrong to begin with.
We finally head back to my mom’s once the moon is shining above us and we get home in time for Ireland’s bedtime routine. We have both agreed that we have to take things slow and not jump right into sleep-overs again. We need to show respect to my mom and then Mick once we’re back at his place. It’s something that I know is important, but it’s hard when all I want is to fall asleep in his arms every night. But knowing he’s out there, that he’s mine, and if all goes well he will never walk away again, is enough for now.
After Ireland is in bed and Jonathan has gone for the night, I finally take the time to unzip the bag that Jonathan brought me from Mick’s. As I unzip the bag, I catch a glimpse of colorful ribbon. I reach in to find that there are several little gift bags with what looks to be a card on the very top. I take the envelope out and it isn’t a card but a handwritten note from Jonathan that says . . .
Gracie, I am so sorry that I missed your birthday.
I just want you to know that you are perfect to me.
I know you don’t need a man by your side to make you strong, but I sure hope to have you by my side so you can make me stronger.
You are the smartest person I have ever met.
You have a compassionate heart.
You are independent and capable.
Your smile lights up every room and you make everybody around you feel better just by being in your presence.
You have a grace about you that I cannot explain in words.
You are such a good momma and such a great friend.
You are beautiful inside and out.
You are perfect.
Happy birthday to the most perfect woman I know.
All my love,
Georgia
Once I gather myself and wipe away the tears, I reach into the bag and pull out the first of many gift bags.
Wrapped in plastic, to keep them fresh, is a bouquet of a dozen birthday cake cake pops! They’re put together like a bouquet of flowers with ribbon tying them together. He had to have gone to multiple Starbucks to find all of these. I love it! The next bag has the most beautiful mug with a dragonfly on it. Next is an assortment of every kind of sticky note that you can even imagine. Every shape, size and color. It seems silly, but all of these little things just shows how well he knows me and that he gets me.
There is also a Portland Police Department t-shirt with a note that says he would rather I wear his shirt instead of my brother’s, and that now I have a shirt to alternate with the USMC shirt I ’stole’ from him way back when. He also gifts me a bag of fishies, because everybody needs fishies in their life. It’s kind of adorable that he has adopted Ireland’s name for his favorite snack food.
The final gift is a framed picture of myself and Ireland at the zoo. It was from the moment where we took a break and sat in the grass to watch the hawk demonstration on the main stage. Ireland is in my lap, and she’s kissing my cheek. The smile on my face has to be one of the biggest I have ever smiled, and I am so thankful that he captured the moment. He isn’t in the picture, but part of the reason I was so happy that day was because he was with us. Even though it’s only the two of us in this picture, I can’t help but think of him when I look at it. This was the day my world starting coming together and I started to love and live again. This picture makes me realize how thankful I am to have him in my life. How did I get so lucky?
